Really unsure.

[MimiSardel]

I wasn’t quite sure where to post this but… I just took a chance and put it here.

My whole family is Christian... And we go to church and Sunday school and all that stuff. I prayed the prayer or whatever to become a Christian when I was 6; it was my own decision. But I’ve been questioning my faith a lot lately. And I remember clearly the reason I wanted to become a Christian when I was little, was because of a sermon I listened to in church that morning. The preacher told all about how horrible hell was and how Jesus saves us but only if we accept him into our hearts, and all that stuff, and honestly, the stuff he was saying was scaring me. (I was just a little kid) And I didn’t want to go to hell. (Who would?) So that’s why I prayed the prayer. And I remember once a teacher asked me why I became a Christian (I was still very little) and I said “Because I don’t want to go to hell.” I really believed I would go to heaven back then, but as time went by, and stuff started happening, and I never really thought of God much outside of church. And here I am, years later, and I don’t even know if I’m a Christian anymore. I know our church believes that once you become one, you never stop and God won’t let you go; our youth pastor taught on that last Sunday. But that made me realize, I don’t think I am a Christian. I don’t pray anymore. I never sing in church. I went to a camp with my youth group, and that whole week everyone around me “felt God” or whatever and all I felt was alone. I still do. I just feel so empty now. I feel…lost. I could tell you all the ‘right’ answers and tell you all the bible stories and stuff, but I don’t think I believe a word of it. I keep thinking, what if God doesn’t even exist? This religion is all I’ve known growing up; it’s what I was taught to believe. But all those other people out there who believe in their own religions are the same way. That’s what they grew up believing so that what they think is right. I’ve been struggling a lot and this year has been very difficult for me, and I feel alone in this. People are like “Oh just trust in God” or “He’ll never leave you.” “You’re never alone.” Well then why do I feel this way? Trust God? How am I supposed to trust in someone I’m not even sure exists? And saying “You just have to believe” doesn’t help either. And if that’s all it is. Just something a lot of people believe. I don’t see how it’s different from any other religion. That’s what they do. They just believe. There’s no proof of anything. I want to believe, but I just don’t think I can. I’m too afraid to talk to my parents or anyone I know, because they think I’m a Christian, and I’ve already disappointed them enough and I don’t know what they’d do if I told them I’m not. They said this year has been devastating for them, and it’s because of me. And I don’t want to hurt them anymore than I have to… but I don’t know what to do. I’m lost. And I keep trying to find answers on my own, but I can’t. I try to listen to the talks and sermons at church and stuff, but I don’t get anything out of them. In all my life, I’ve never heard someone talk about how God is real. I’ve never heard someone prove He exists. In a way, I want to believe, but part of me just stops. And I don’t. I can’t. And people have tried to explain with the bible, but apparently the bible is God’s word, so that doesn’t really prove anything if God isn’t real. And then another thing people do is say, “Oh but look at creation and how perfect everything is. There’s no way this all happened by chance.” And they call that proof. But I never said it happened by chance. Maybe it did, maybe some God created this all. Maybe there’s proof that a god created everything, but who’s to say it’s the Christian God that did all this? Maybe it was some other god from some other religion? It just must take so much faith to believe in any one thing, whether it’s believing in no god, or one god, or many gods, it takes a lot of faith and belief in that. But that’s faith that I don’t have. I’m just so confused and unsure of everything.

 

[NoahR]

Hi MimiSardel!
First off I want to say that it was very brave of you to say all this and I honestly can say I admire you very much for it. I can only imagine what it must be like to live with these thoughts while still professing Christianity. I'm sorry that you have to come here honestly for I wish there was someone you knew personally that you could open up to about this but sometimes I know that is difficult.
For me, I never struggled with doubting my salvation. Now you may say, "then why the heck are you typing this?!" and you would be right. I have no real experience in that matter, but I can tell you what I know about and what I've seen and hopefully you can make your choice from there. As far as a proof that Christianity is the real religion amongst all the rest most christians will use the Bible as proof...but me I don't like that. As you said above that's like using God to prove God. So for me this is what did it. Look at the world around you and the people in it specifically. They will say things like, "come on that's not fair" "give me a bit of your orange. I gave you a bit of mine!" "You promised" etc. What do all these things have in common? They have in common a law.. a law of fairness. Its a law that most people call the moral law. Basically everything expects everyone else to be good and fair. Now when I talk of the moral law I want to be clear I'm not talking of a law that people learn from books, I'm talking of a law that is born within us from the day we are born. We see it in children before they are taught to read. They know that lying is wrong even before we tell them. The question then is...how in the heck did this law happen? What makes things good? and what makes things bad? What makes killing bad? and what makes helping an old man across the street good? It has to be a moral law that was set in place that stated what was the standard...what was good and what was bad. Ok so now that we have that now the next question is if we have a law of what is good and what is bad then where did the law come from? It wasn't invented by man cause everyone knows the law and while they rebel from it sometimes they still know its wrong. It had to have come from somewhere right? Any standard that declares what is good must be created by something. To that there are only two theories to explain it. One that everything was simple chance, that the law just exists, always has and that no one created it. Everything was birthed by chance and we all follow the law because it has always been. in essence then the law itself becomes scientific like the law of gravity. But the flaw with that view...the moral law is way different from every other scientific law for unlike the law of gravity..humans can choose to disobey the law of morals. We can be bad if we want to be. We can't defy gravity. Again this points to a more divine creator that this law is way deeper than science. So we are forced to the second option which is the religious option. now this offers more merit for it explains that such a moral law had to have been created by a good god. Its the only way to know what is good and what is bad to have a standard that is good. The law then judges how close we are to that standard...in this case a god. Now this is where christianity comes into play every other religion is flawed in one idea...it states that man can easily be good, that he can easily obey the moral law, that he can help the old man across the street enough times to outdo his thoughts of murder or hatred for his neighbor. His jealousy of his best friend's girlfriend and so on. This is not the case...if you look at this world you can see that we as a people are far more evil then good. We mess up far more than we do right... If we were good.. there would be far less arguments...far less crime... and a lot less tears and fears. so then if we have messed up the moral law... if we can never truly obey it.. then what option do we have? This is where christianity is so weird and why I believe it lol. For it comes in and oddly enough tells us this, "you can't be good. Yet this law that is in place requires you to be good. If you die not good you face the consequences...but I have an option for you." And then it tells of a man who dies on a cross for our sins, who loved us enough to take our place, to help us in our problems. Its the only religion that states...man can do nothing to save himself. Yet it also states our God can save him though. You see my point now? You see my point now? It is the most odd religion. Every other religion makes sense!!! Its planned its structured... it happened this way and then this way. That's why I can't believe them...because anything that makes sense to me has to have been created by man. Anything that would be created by a God that I don't know anything about, who lives outside of time and space, it shouldn't make sense to me. And christianity doesn't. It has just that twist of fantasy to it that all real things have to make it real. If you don't get any of this then I'm sorry its just my thoughts on the subject. This is just one reason why I chose christianity. I have said nothing about my own personal life and how I have felt God moving in my life and so on. Bottom line those is this: Whatever you chose to believe I think right now what you are going through is good. Its time for you to really come to terms with what you truly believe. Believe it with all your heart too, not your mind. See that's why your christian walk is lifeless right now, because you need to give your heart in to it. Christianity is the most beautiful love story ever filled with pain, anger, depression, redemption, forgiveness, love, and kisses. It mixes the worst things possible with the best and somehow the best always comes out on top. Its the story of a God that sent his son down to die for you to come live within you to help you make good choices. I see so much good in this world because of the creator and I'm so thankful for it and how he blessed me. Anyways I could go on and on but I've already made this WAY too long lol. Let me know if you have anymore questions!

 

[Channa]

He MimiSardel,
Personally music helped me a lot.
Like LZ7 Capital Kings etc
And praying.
I'll pray for you.
Chan

 

[Spokenpassage]

Actually, the only way to try "believing" that God isn't real is to fight your conscience. It is natural to know that there is a Creator or some greater Being. It is by force or resistance of some degree to reject that natural knowledge. God made it evident that He is real. Religions exist because people have suppressed the truth of God in unrighteousness. It is a natural tendency to believe in Deity, man is made that way. Scripture is to enlighten man to understand this Great Deity known as God. When man is without the knowledge of God revealed in scripture and is without any enlightenment of the Word, his view of God and his religion becomes distorted.

Romans 1:18-23 NASB

"For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them. For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse.

"For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened. Professing to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures."

 

[heartbrokenandhoping]

The best advice I can give is just to open your heart, not your mind, as someone said above. That probably makes no sense because it can't be explained in words. It's just that for me, I spent so long being frustrated and losing faith because I would try to pray or reach out to God and only use my mind, and nothing would happen. I would go to church and just sit there and think about how out of place I felt, and I ended up feeling more alone than ever in that moment. But then I learned what it means to open your heart. It almost means to kind of shut off your mind and just feel God's presence within you instead. Once you do that, anytime you call to Him, He will be there right with you. You are never alone!