Relationship Issues/ Trust Issues Please help me

[sjktico]

Hi,

I met my current girlfriend when we were not serving Christ even though we both had been raised Christian. We both had had a close walk with Christ before we lost our way.

I had been experimenting with drugs and had become addicted. My addiction to pornography had gone away when I truly experienced God but was right there waiting for me when I turned my back on Him. Unfortunately, when I turned my back on Him things weren't the same as before I had experienced something with Him. It was worse.

I tried all drugs and I dropped pornography as my main weakness and adopted promiscuity. When I met my girlfriend I saw it all as a game. I was with another girl (not in a relationship but still having pre-marital sex.) I met my girlfriend and we were have sex as well. I thought out of the two of us I was the worst. I was but later on in the relationship when I had finally broken everything off with anyone else and dedicated myself to her, she told me that she herself had had sex with an ex-boyfriend. When that happened I had avoided being her boyfriend. I used to tell her I didn't want a relationship but it was really because I wanted to be "free". So technically in the world's eyes she would have had just as much right to her freedom as I have.

HOWEVER, she never struck me like that and my expectations of her were different. That same day I confessed that my mistake wasn't a one time thing but it had been going for most of our relationship. She forgave me and is actually very trusting.

Since then we have stopped having sex. We asked Christ to forgive us and truly have repented. Even though temptation is hard specially for me we have stayed strong in our commitment to God. While there is much room for improvement on both our parts, we are still growing in our faith with God.

THE ISSUE is I on the other hand can not trust her. In fact, the moment she leaves my sight thoughts come into my head. She might be headed somewhere. Who is she texting? Maybe she is getting payback i think. I have always been insecure. But as insecure as anyone really is. I never considered myself more or less insecure than the average person. But this time around it overwhelms my though process to the point where the possiblity that I'm overreacting enters my mind. It's so overpowering. I have cried to God about it and I know that he is still working that with me but i want to know what some of you did if you ever had something similar to overcome this. Or any advice from anyone. I want to love my girlfriend who I work towards everyday so that one day I can be her husband and I want to love my wife like Christ loves the Church but that is in the way. It is the cause for our arguments even though sometimes I'm not actually accusing her of talking to someone else. Most of the time I'm accusing her of example...why she doesn't care about my feelings as if she didn't actually care but its totally related to in my head to my insecurity.

 

[Crazy4GODword]

Your on a on-going battle within your heart as you already know. Iv been there and it gets really rough sometimes and makes you want to jump to many conclusions in your head. The problem is what I found out is, your putting her above God in thought. If you try to make out your life based on God and everything rotating around Him, the pressure of worry and distrust will leave because you will grow in a stronger faith in Christ. When you finally realize that God is the center of your life then you won't have to worry about the little details. Now I cannot say this will work in one day, this might be a meditation you might have to do day and night. Some steps to do this is:

1. Spend some time with the Lord by yourself. Take 10 min to an hour or so alone to pray to Jesus. Talk to Him as if He is your counselor for God is our counselor (John 14:26)
2. Try reading some devotionals or read the bible everyday whenever you have free time (Psalms 1:2) one of my favorite devotionals I read daily is Our daily bread which you can find online Odb.org I think is the website.
3. Listen to some Christian music in your free time to.

Don't over work yourself, take you time in devotion to God daily. He will help you through life's most diffuclt path.

 

[Ugly]

What you really need to ask yourself is if you are even ready to be in a relationship. Its really not a good sign that you did worse than her, yet you are holding her one mistake against her while she has forgiven you your MANY mistakes. That is quite unfair of you. And will be a point of manipulation in the relationship if you can't get over it. Also, it could be a point of bitterness for her if you keep going on about it.
If you marry this girl without being 110% over it you will have a failed marriage. You cannot lack trust and hold resentment against your spouse. Rethink if you're really ready to be in a relationship.

Also, you're 24 and posting this in the teens forum. Seems like this would be more fitting in Young Adults or Singles.

 

[Tommy4Christ]

I just read your post and want to encourage you first off, to be sure you are in the faith, do not worry about your girlfriend, you seem very occupied with her and not God.
I pray you have truly repented of all your addictions, and being around your girlfriend may be a strong temptation for you to fall again, which proves you just had a worldly sorrow and not a godly sorrow. 2 Cor 7-10-11......

Real repentance isn not preched in the lukewarm churches today, its just confess the sin, and hope you dont fall again, as this is a false repentance that will leave you in great bondage, and in deep trouble with God!

Mose professing Christians have no clue what Jesus meant when He said repent or perish, go and sin no more, and crucify your flesh and follow me on narrow road, today the narrow road means nothing to the unrepentant soul, bound by his flesh, unwilling to come broken before God, totally forsaking thier sins of the flesh!

So again I encourage you to do this first:

Jas 1:21 Therefore putting aside all filthiness and overflowing of evil, receive in meekness the implanted Word, which is able to save your souls.
Jas 1:22 But become doers of the Word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.

Then be sure you are truly following Jesus on the narrow road:

To them that are bound!​

Isa 61:1 The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound;​

All through scripture we see how the Lord sent many profits and apostles to preach the good news to the meek, who are the humble and teachable, to bind up the broken hearted, or those who have been hurt, or are lonely and despised, and to shout out liberty to the captives, which was freedom from the great bondages of sin and the world!
Then he goes on to open the prison to those who are bound or in captivity too their flesh and the false ways leading to death!
This word from the Lord can also ring true as to what Christ and the Apostles preached throughout their ministry, and we few today, standing boldly for the truth are all called by the spirit of the Lord to preach these things to the captives!
Who are the captives? You won’t have to look much further than those who are in the church system, or claim to be out but still under many false teaching and bondages due to what they are hearing from their beloved pastor or minister every Sunday.
But the few with sound minds and hearts that have come through a real repentance and faith (obedience) will clearly see if not now but in due time what the Lord meant about this freedom!
This freedom came with a high price that Jesus paid on our behalf, to ransom lost and sinful mankind from the bondages of sin, not in them; He came to set them free, here and now, not somewhere down the way whenever He gets around to it. It comes when the lost sinner yields to the word of God, acknowledges His miserable condition before God, because of His God given ability to stop his rebellion and seek mercy and forgiveness in the only place he can receive it!
Mercy, forgiveness, and salvation, are not given to those who never come to this point of utter brokenness, humility, and fear of God, where real repentance is proven by deeds, and a pure heart, that is now prepared to receive what God will bestow upon them.
Thus, only the meek, brokenhearted, and captives are now ready to receive and be let out of their prison, which is the bondages and corrupting influences of sin and the world!
Isa 25:8 He will swallow up death in victory; and the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from off all faces; and the rebuke of his people shall he take away from off all the earth: for the LORD hath spoken it.
Yes the Lord has many wonderful promises for those who come to Him on His terms, not confessing and accepting, but forsaking and following Jesus example all the days of their life, that comes from a heart made pure by faith working in love!
Gal 5:6 For in Jesus Christ neither circumcision availeth any thing, nor uncircumcision; but faith which worketh by love.
Tommy

 

[DavEtheBravE]

I've kinda had a simialiar experience with my gf and you know the best thing that helped me become secure and loving her for her.... By her braking up with me, now i know that sounds kinda off but it allowed me to establish a better relationship with God and i really started to see her for her and the trust the love the friendship and the happiness came on it on

Build your life around Christ and his Love and he"ll build the rest of yours for Ya

Stay Blessed

 

[kittycat7]

I'll be praying for you! So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish.

—Isaiah 41:10-11​