Hey, I don't mean to demean you.
You should seek counseling of some sort.
Personal counseling.
Everyone has their ups and downs. I counsel people everyday, but at times I have also sought counseling as well. Everyone needs a counselor and at your worst times like you're going through now... if you're motivated to get through it, seeking help from someone who talks to people with difficulties everyday can help you stand up and find your purpose.
Finding someone to help you is not displaying a lack of faith in God.
God is always watching, and He gives us avenues to search for help.
Take care.