My sister has been dating this guy for a year, and she seems happy. But ever since they started dating, she doesn't speak her mind. She doesn't have an opinion or a say in what she wants to do. I've been noticing that he is kind of controlling. Like it doesn't matter what my sister wants to do, they always end up doing what he wants. Even a friend of mine noticed that he is controlling her too. He is a great christian guy, don't get me wrong, but he controls her like a puppet. Just last week me and my sister planned a movie night, but she canceled on me because he didn't want her to watch a movie without him there. It's just annoying how the little things make him mad and he tells her no, and she listens. I've tried telling her that she needs to stick up for herself and voice her opinion, but she just shrugs it off like she doesn't see a problem. Is she just so in love that she can't see the controlling side her boyfriend has?? How do I help her understand that??
What do I do??
- Thread starter ALauren
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it could beva controlling issue but it also could be an insecurity issue. talk to him more and find out what lies beneath. maybe he needs the boot but maybe he needs a helping hand. its great you want to protect her but if she lovesbor really likes him you could just push her away from you. take him out for guys night and pray that the holy spirit will lead you. keep an open heart and let them both know you are there in love not in judgement.
From what you have said there do seem to be controlling tendencies regarding the boyfriend. Priorities change as relationships progress, it seems natural to me that this guy just wants to be alone with his girl. Your sister should ask this guy what is important for him as far as she is concerned. I would expect a certain amount of growth and maturity after a period of time.
Your sister should definitely be free to speak her mind. Ask her if she is afraid to do so as it may, in her mind, endanger the relationship.
Your sister should definitely be free to speak her mind. Ask her if she is afraid to do so as it may, in her mind, endanger the relationship.
If you're with both of them, maybe you could ask your sister what she thinks about something or what she'd like to do. If he answers for her, then say "I asked Leslie." (Unless your sister's name isn't Leslie. 
) Or, if he says he doesn't want her to watch a movie with you without him, ask him why. I'm guessing he won't give a reason, but if you ask, he might realize that there IS no reason to be upset about his gf watching a movie with her sister.
I'd just kind of gently make a point of it to him when he jumps in where it isn't his place, and pray that your sister realizes what's going on. I will pray as well.
) Or, if he says he doesn't want her to watch a movie with you without him, ask him why. I'm guessing he won't give a reason, but if you ask, he might realize that there IS no reason to be upset about his gf watching a movie with her sister.I'd just kind of gently make a point of it to him when he jumps in where it isn't his place, and pray that your sister realizes what's going on. I will pray as well.
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Honestly you can't do anything about it because its her relationship. If she's ok with it then leave it be. Its you that has to get over something that bothers you.
BUT if she's having issues with it then you can give her advice.
Honestly people are going to do what they want to do no matter what you tell them. the older you get the more you'll know thats true. you have to let her make her own mistakes and just be there to help her crawl out of them.
My sister got married against everyone's wishes with a good for nothing guy that i told her she shouldn't be with (she didn't listen) and also got pregnant (years after the divorce) with a different guy that i told her again not to mess with. and he's showing is butt too.
All you can do is put yourself in a position to be strong enough to help those you love and care about. If their relationship bothers you then stay away from them together and let her know that you don't like her choice in guys. she'll probably refrain from talking to you about it unless she really needs someone to help her think it through.
BUT if she's having issues with it then you can give her advice.
Honestly people are going to do what they want to do no matter what you tell them. the older you get the more you'll know thats true. you have to let her make her own mistakes and just be there to help her crawl out of them.
My sister got married against everyone's wishes with a good for nothing guy that i told her she shouldn't be with (she didn't listen) and also got pregnant (years after the divorce) with a different guy that i told her again not to mess with. and he's showing is butt too.
All you can do is put yourself in a position to be strong enough to help those you love and care about. If their relationship bothers you then stay away from them together and let her know that you don't like her choice in guys. she'll probably refrain from talking to you about it unless she really needs someone to help her think it through.