A personal story of spiritual warfare

[Kazmana]

Hi folks!

I don't know where to begin or if this is appropriate to post, but I'm unsure what I should do, or where I should turn.

I feel that Jesus has been knocking on my heart in a big way over the last six months at least. I have come to understand Jesus and the Bible a lot more than I ever thought I would, and please believe me when I say I am intently pursuing a relationship with Jesus within my heart.

My entire life I have been in and around occult, and what I would come to realize in my teenage years is Mystary teachings. Through the music industry, I have been exposed to a great many things, and honestly, this is also how I began to see that perhaps Jesus WAS the way.

A close friend of mine who has had a very similar path as I have got saved about three years ago. He set out to understand the Bible so that he could use it to defeat Christians with their own beliefs. Slowly, he started telling me... "You don't understand! This is all true!"

He began to relay to me that a lot of my experiences, literally since birth / or since I can remember, unwittingly had something to do with Demonic forces.

Since I could remember, I have had "Spirit Guides". I thought it was normal and every child had them. As I grew up, I realized I was wrong. I've been saved from near-death experiences, had a whole bunch of other spiritual phenomena occur, and that was "life" for me. These 'guides' were 'good'. They meant no harm - they helped me, they were ALWAYS correct (Don't do this, do this a certain way, talk to this person and ask this etc.) They helped me in many Positive aspects.

Fast-forward again to my friend who got saved explaining to me that these "spirits" are Demonic (I didn't believe that) and that the only way was Jesus.

I've struggled with insurmountable depression since the age of 12. Unfortunately, I only Now realize I made a couple of "deals" with spiritual entities... of course they ended badly, but I thought the fault was solely on me... Nothing major of course, just getting my first girlfriend and a couple of other minor things that I thought were elsewise out of my reach.

I always thought that the "spirit" known as Jesus and I had a special 'deal' that stemmed back to me being saved in a near-death experience as a very young child, and vehemently denied The Bible, Jesus and Christian's interpretation of "God" as an arrogant distraction. I spent years as a teenager dabling in what is now known as "New Age" principles... My world-view was shaped around Re-incarnation, which offered me plausable answers to Everything. It all made sense. I firmly believed in energy harnessing and manipulation and all that other stuff.

Something started changing, as the deeper I got into the music industry, I started seeing some things that made me very uncomfortable, and really started seeing some people take Occult teachings to an unbelievable proportion.
Over time, I matched what I saw in the industry with what I see taking place in political agendas that are today being pushed in the world around us. I see where it's heading! Without even claiming any "prophecy" of any kind, I KNOW what a few of the next 'global movements' are going to be, because people I know within the industry have been talking about them for close to 10 years now. Whether you are politically-minded or not, is irrelevant. I certainly am not. When I started actually seeing these things unfold around me, I couldn't believe it.

Jesus' knocking grew louder and louder within me.
I went to church with a friend for the first time... and man, in my naivete, I had it "all figured out".

I'm a performer, and I stood disgusted with the way church was presented, hooking people in with the SAME exact method of performance that we use in Music... from the order of the proceedings, to the lighting cues, to how the songs slowly became more upbeat and intense towards the climax at the end. I Wasn't falling for this shill proceeding.

It re-affirmed MY beliefs to me. This was a swerve of grand proportions and I couldn't believe how easily These people were being sucked in!

I was shaking my head, willingly running closer to the Occult because of what I felt at the time. The church was more insincere than I could believe.

I went for a couple of weeks thereafter, and on the last time, a pastor came up to me and asked if he could lay hands and say a prayer for me.
"Sure"
If it helped the Pastor feel at peace for trying to help, why not?
Please don't misunderstand - I, like many misguided people who are in, or have been through Occult backgrounds aren't thinking "EVIL" or "NEGATIVE" probably 99% of the time. I have been brought up to be humble and kind and always be thankful.

Anyway, I didn't say anything at the time, but something about my interaction with the Pastor stirred me. Something happened inside. It was like a door opened a little bit more.

I went home, and over the next few months, I ended up being led even more heavily into Occult practises. I got LaVey's Satanic Bible, I intentionally tried accessing spiritual realms, dabbled in Chinese medicine etc.

Alot of this was spurred on further from extremely negative experiences I had with a Christian girl whom I was friends with. She seemed very sweet... Offered to show me her church and introduce me to people. She was always telling me about God. However, she would ALWAYS end up displaying a Massive duality complex.
She would be the sweetest person in the world, until the actual church proceeding was over. Every single time thereafter, she would change. Become a different person. I would be scolded, made to feel insignificant, I would be ignored and embarrassed - and THIS person was a follower of Jesus?!?

The culminating incident actually took place in church. She sneered at me during the proceeding that I never brought my Bible to church - this wasn't a big deal in my mind because they displayed everything up front on the screens - so I could still follow. However, she took issue with me on that, and proceeded to SLAM her Bible on the desk for us to share...

I was mortified and hurt. I felt so worthless that I cut my hand open right then and there during the proceeding, I still have the scar, and it is a reminder of how worthless I felt. If this was God's house, then how could I feel like I was being so abused? And why?

So heavier into the Occult I dabbled. And it got scary. Very scary. Meanwhile I still had friends sharing the Gospel with me.

A couple of weeks ago, it Really hit me and I repented and truly and honestly asked Jesus into my heart. I was doing well for about three weeks, but it became ever-increasingly obvious that I was being messed with on an emotional level.

My friend explained to me that he felt many of the things we put an every day label on are Demons... "Hopelessness", "Worthlessness", "Rage" etc. THESE are also Demonic.

The crux of my situation here is, I feel like I am going through drug rehabilitation and I keep relapsing.

I know now that the Bible is true, and I want within my heart a relationship with Jesus. I'm not praying for any wants except for Jesus to help open my heart and my eyes to the Truth, but old Demons keep rearing their head. I sin. And don't want to. But I feel like a different person when that happens.

Then I feel that because of the fact that I haven't overcome my struggles altogether, that I am unforgivable in the eyes of the Most High. So is there a point? And what do I do?

I'm not sure what kind of hope I have.
I'm really Trying to change because I want to within my heart, but it's not proving easy.

Thanks if you read all of this!

 

[TheAristocat]

Very interesting story. The age you've listed for ChristianChat is surprisingly young for what you've been through. I'd like to be the first to welcome you to the forums and say thanks for giving God and Jesus a chance. A lot of people in my life, including myself, have had brushes with the spiritual. It's interesting how we each handle it differently.

I know that I grew up believing in guardian angels, and I probably would have been in the New Age crowd, too, if I hadn't lived with my grandparents for a few years and gotten straightened out. New Age is an easy answer in the global community today. So many conflicting beliefs. How do you resolve the conflicts? New Age? I think the truth is always a bit more detailed than a convenient lie. All New Age does is throw a smoke screen up and say, "Your god is our god!" Everybody wins, because your god is what you want it to be. You can even be your god. How obtuse is that?

If you're looking for definitive answers, you've found them in Jesus. There is wrong, and there is right. And unfortunately what some of those Christians were doing to you looks a lot like wrong and not a whole lot like right. I think you're a very rare individual, because I really don't understand what logical reasons you were given for coming to Christ. But I'm relieved you made it.

In dealing with your depression, I'm sure you know a lot more about it than I do. So I say the following in ignorance about your life: I think it's always better to be safe than sorry. You don't attack life's problems just from one angle but from all angles if you're serious about solving them. Get a medical opinion. Medicine is good for the body. Jesus is good for the soul. If Jesus wants to take your depression away, he has that power. I believe he does. But if, like Paul, you end up being stuck with a thorn in your side, then seek medical intervention.

I hope that's not too assuming.

 

[Kazmana]

Very interesting story. The age you've listed for ChristianChat is surprisingly young for what you've been through. I'd like to be the first to welcome you to the forums and say thanks for giving God and Jesus a chance. A lot of people in my life, including myself, have had brushes with the spiritual. It's interesting how we each handle it differently.

I know that I grew up believing in guardian angels, and I probably would have been in the New Age crowd, too, if I hadn't lived with my grandparents for a few years and gotten straightened out. New Age is an easy answer in the global community today. So many conflicting beliefs. How do you resolve the conflicts? New Age? I think the truth is always a bit more detailed than a convenient lie. All New Age does is throw a smoke screen up and say, "Your god is our god!" Everybody wins, because your god is what you want it to be. You can even be your god. How obtuse is that?

If you're looking for definitive answers, you've found them in Jesus. There is wrong, and there is right. And unfortunately what some of those Christians were doing to you looks a lot like wrong and not a whole lot like right. I think you're a very rare individual, because I really don't understand what logical reasons you were given for coming to Christ. But I'm relieved you made it.

In dealing with your depression, I'm sure you know a lot more about it than I do. So I say the following in ignorance about your life: I think it's always better to be safe than sorry. You don't attack life's problems just from one angle but from all angles if you're serious about solving them. Get a medical opinion. Medicine is good for the body. Jesus is good for the soul. If Jesus wants to take your depression away, he has that power. I believe he does. But if, like Paul, you end up being stuck with a thorn in your side, then seek medical intervention.

I hope that's not too assuming.

Hello there, and thank you for your response, I sincerely appreciate it.
I hope that my age does not discredit me to the majority of you. I can't help but wonder how many people younger than I are subjected to much worse in Occult practise and are never even so much as given a choice as to what could be right or wrong.

My coming to Jesus had to be through an open heart and open mind. Simply put - if so much around you has to do with invoking spirits and honoring a god - why is it that the Bible is to be reviled, and Jesus is to be cast as merely a composite for sake of "convenience"?
So, as I have started to read the Gospel without any preconcieved notions, I am more and more understanding it as the truth by which it was intended.

Also, I must point out that my main concern is not any Depression, but moreover, that I keep falling into the routines that I have always known, that I now know through Jesus to be sin. My family is not willing to accept my rebirth as a follower of the Lord, neither will my friends. And the only like-minded friends I have seem to abuse me for trivial things instead of encouraging me.

If I could be permitted to say, please try to imagine a person who has had God and the Bible painted as a deception for their entire lives. When that person has an inkling that The Bible may in-fact be right, but the followers whom they meet seem vengeful rather than engraciating... I am struggling to reconcile The Truth as told in the Word, versus the Reality that is presented to me, if that makes sense? And it is much easier for me to Autopilot back to the (sinful) comforts that I have always known.

I most prominantly feel that Jesus doesn't want me, although I really am searching for Him

 

[TemporaryCircumstances]

Hmm...I am not a fan when Christians act in a non acceptable way...such as making you feel worthless...That sadness me a lot...It will always seem easier to go back to our sinful ways, and I can understand family and friends not being willing to accept your spiritual rebirth. My father hit me when he saw me with a Bible, and a friend called me nothing less than a Nazi for being a Christian. But ultimately it doesn't matter what they say. Read these verses please.

12 Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. 13 But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. 14 If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. 15 If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. 16 However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. 17 For it is time for judgment to begin with God’s household; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? 18 And,

“If it is hard for the righteous to be saved,
what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?”[a]
19 So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good.

 

[TheAristocat]

Hello there, and thank you for your response, I sincerely appreciate it.
I hope that my age does not discredit me to the majority of you. I can't help but wonder how many people younger than I are subjected to much worse in Occult practise and are never even so much as given a choice as to what could be right or wrong.

My coming to Jesus had to be through an open heart and open mind. Simply put - if so much around you has to do with invoking spirits and honoring a god - why is it that the Bible is to be reviled, and Jesus is to be cast as merely a composite for sake of "convenience"?
So, as I have started to read the Gospel without any preconcieved notions, I am more and more understanding it as the truth by which it was intended.

Also, I must point out that my main concern is not any Depression, but moreover, that I keep falling into the routines that I have always known, that I now know through Jesus to be sin. My family is not willing to accept my rebirth as a follower of the Lord, neither will my friends. And the only like-minded friends I have seem to abuse me for trivial things instead of encouraging me.

If I could be permitted to say, please try to imagine a person who has had God and the Bible painted as a deception for their entire lives. When that person has an inkling that The Bible may in-fact be right, but the followers whom they meet seem vengeful rather than engraciating... I am struggling to reconcile The Truth as told in the Word, versus the Reality that is presented to me, if that makes sense? And it is much easier for me to Autopilot back to the (sinful) comforts that I have always known.

I most prominantly feel that Jesus doesn't want me, although I really am searching for Him

Maturity is a process for all human beings. You can move forward and backward. I'm glad that you are somewhat able to disconnect the belief system from the followers who are still maturing.

In terms of what Jesus wants, just keep reading the Gospels. They'll help you understand what he wants and who he is.

Right now it looks a little like the whole world is up against you. And it all seems to be aimed at your faith. You have bad Christian role models, and you have friends who probably view you differently and give you a hard time about your faith. When that happens you know who's tugging on you. But you've decided to follow God - not people. So it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks of you. Don't let them give you any trash for falling down a few times either when they're on your back. Because they'd likely do the same thing. Just do your best and keep seeking Jesus. I'm glad you've come this far, brother.

 

[persontalkto]

The book your trying to live by, do you wanna know what the biggest thing it sys you can use for saving from demons?

The belief in forgiveness. This is all you really need.

When a demon attacks you and you end up sinning, the goal in causing it is that the person will feel hopeless and fall away from their state of belief, to cause a person to feel as if everything can be going right, and you will still misbehaved, and your effort is meaningless and you can't defeat.

With belief in forgiveness, it doesn't matter what anything around you does, if you do sin, you are forgiven, therefore no, no attempt to get you to sin and begin leaving because of a difference in reality and what your attempting to make you turn and hide from, and not be with, the one you believe in. You instead can know, the moment the problem is over, it is over, even while the demon is still present, no matter what he says or does, because you did not fall from grace, you were forgiven, and saved, from consequence, in the face of your enemies, because you believe, so the demon' ploy, no matter what it is, no matter what it causes, become meaningless details instead of what they try to achieve, and the only thing left they can try to do, is take that from you.

So they come to make you not believe, and everytime, believe you were forgiven if were going by this work. If you doubt, believe it the moment after, you were forgiven. They want you to doubt it so they can make it seem acceptable to you that you no longer believe, but believe even if you say something, because where in the book does it tell you it is unforgivable to say something.

The temptation to not believe it is how could you be let off for your actions, but it is actually the strongest thing you can use according to that book.

 

[persontalkto]

Speaking of demon attacks what happened to my post in the third paragraph:

With belief in forgiveness it doesn't matter what demons do, if they get you to sin, you are forgiven, there is no need to turn and hide from your creator, no reason to leave him, because you are forgiven, so no matter what the demon ploy is, no matter what it gets you to do, if you believe you are forgiven, it is so, then the demon and his efforts become meaningless, because whatever it did, it could not make you guilty because of your belief in forgiveness, it does not have power to change it.

To counter this, the demon would focus his attacks on making you not believe, thinking that if you do not believe in forgiveness and salvation, you will inherently be disqualified from them because of your not belief. So they try to make you believe you are not forgiven, they may do this by trying to get you to reason that you are not forgiven, they make visions for you where an imposter pretends to have authority to tell you otherwise, they list what you have done wrong and ask if you could forgive someone "as riddled with sin as you," anything to get your focus back on sin and feeling condemned instead of holding on to the belief in forgiveness. And if it does convince you to say you were not forgiven, it charges on you with accusations before you can process what's happening, it will say you just denied salvation, denied everything done to help you, denied jesus and denied forgiveness, and there was nothing any force of good or any being could do to stop you, and you are now eternally condemned by the power of it. there's nothing to say that being deceived is an unforgivable sin, immediately start believing in forgiveness again and this too becomes completely powerless by the act of Jesus. proving there's no scheme they can do to steal you from your savior, so even if they try, they can't hurt you anymore.