Why I don't attend church

[Ninotori]

No doubt that this post is going to get me attacked every which way but sideways, but I want to be heard out. I want to be listened to, understood, and then spoken too.

I have only been saved for over a year or so, since I just before I was 18. I haven't attended church regularly, the only weekly worship I have attended has been a Christian Student Fellowship that meets on thursdays at my college, and I haven't made it to every one. I always feel bad and ashamed somehow for not attending a service, but at the same time, I have these reasons.

I am always afraid to go to church because every time I leave church I am only made sad and scared. The preachers, pastors, ministers and all are always loving and passionate men, I have nothing against them, but I don't understand anything they are teaching. They always speak so eloquently, so poeticly, I can't understand what they actually mean! I can't apply anything practically to my life, and they make it sound so magical and supernatural, it's as though I'm being told to do something I know I can't achieve. I don't hear God speaking in the back of my head like some people seem to, I don't feel the holy spirit take over me quite the same as everyone else. The only thing I know I have is that I love God and Jesus, that I want to change for THEM, not just for heaven and eternal life, and that I am a sinner who needs repenting. I also know that I am somehow supposed to keep my thoughts pure, that I am meant to somehow sin no more, that I am to walk by faith and not by sight, but I have no idea how to do these things. Sometimes I feel like the only way I can be saved is by abandoning everything I have to go out and witness to the world, and to travel and live as an impoverished waif just to spread the gospel. I think nothing wrong of that but I don't for one minute feel like I could do that!

This could easily be seen as complaining, and for all it matters it may be. I am just so tired of constantly being afraid, never knowing exactly how to approach God, not knowing in what light to see him, and in what ways I am supposed to be living to be who he wants me to be. I'm tired of going to church looking for fellowship, worship, and learning to find only fear and pain again.

My problem is that no matter what church I attend I don't understand what I'm supposed to do. I never get close to my pastors because as soon as I've heard another sermon I'm just terrified again. I spend every minute begging for forgiveness, never knowing what exactly to change except what little I can glean from the word of God on my own. I feel like I'm supposed to save myself entirely, even though I know thats wrong. I won't attend church because it only scares me, and sends me off in directions that are just never right, and no one is here teaching me but the holy spirit, who I only seem to see nudging me away from the wrong paths just before I take the first step.

It all boils down to a complete lack of understanding. No amount of praying or bible reading thus far has truly answered the questions I beg to know. I don't even want heaven so much at this point just to be right by God, so that at least when I stand before him I can say I tried. I dont know though. I don't know anything. I don't know if I'm supposed to just go about my life giving as much love and being as good a servant I can while trying to be as pure as possible, or sell everything I have and live with nothing. I do not know how to do anything, and no one has yet been here to teach me how. I force myself to go to worship to sing songs to the lord I love, to pray to him and pray for those I love, only to leave in pain and fear because I feel only accused more and left to my own devices.

I love Jesus. I love God more than anything. I have begged for forgiveness, I have cried to Jesus and begged him to give me the strength, the wisdom I need, and to relieve me of my burdens. I know that he loves me, and God loves me, and there is no amount of sin that he can't forgive. I know that even should I fail and stand before the gates of hell that I would never deny him, and gladly scream of his love over flames for eternity if thats how it goes. I just don't know what I'm supposed to be doing to meet my end of the deal. I've never found a church that taught me.

[nukreation]

Hi Ninotori, Sorry that you haven't found peace at that church. I pray that you find a church to call home. I'm thankful that I go to a great church

[Ninotori]

thanks Nukreation. I want to have a church where I get up on Sundays excited to learn more, to sing and worship the God I love, but I spend so much time sitting there feeling accused, being told of damnation and all the things I need to be doing that I am never encouraged.

I just want to know that I'm doing it right, but I'm never given a real idea of what it means to be doing it right....I know that I can't ever get a big head, and I should always be learning and improving, but I am not being watched or shown where I am supposed to be.

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

How many church's have you attended?? Because i find it rather odd, that every church you have been to, you dont understand a word the preachers saying. You seem very intelligent to me, very articulate. So yeah i find it a little hard to believe you just cant grasp anything any preacher is saying.

Dont take this as an attack on you, because sometimes i dont like going to church either. It's for totally different reasons that you have though

[violakat]

Ninotori,
First, going to a church should never make you feel afraid of God. Instead it should draw you closer to God. It allows you to fellowship with other believers who also believe that Christ is their Savior. If your not finding this in the churches you attend, pray to God. You said that there is this one fellowship that you go to on Thursdays. Why do you go to that one? By the way, God says He will be in the midst of where two or three are gathered in His Name. Could it be, that God is having you mainly going to this Bible Fellowship, that you are getting fed spiritually here?

Second, you said that you have lack of knowledge about the Bible. That's the best place to start in learning the Bible, knowing you don't have knowledge. Start to read the Bible. Some would suggest begining in the Gospels, others in Romans. You could also use a Bible Study Guide to help you. By doing this, when you do go to churches, this will help you to determine whether or not these churches are preaching the truth and help you to make wiser decisions.

Third, and this should probably be first. Always listen to the Voice of God. I believe that you are trying, simply because what you are seeing in the churches you visit tend to not match up with you see in the Bible. You say you don't hear God's voice in the back of your head. Well, that might be because you are listening for an audible voice. (Not really sure if this is the case.) But, God speaks to us in many ways. Sometimes it is through the words of others, but most often, it's through the Bible, His Holy Book. And sometimes, it's those little feelings that tells us something just doesn't add up.

[SantoSubito]

It is a shame you haven't found a church your comfortable with. Also I'm going to go ahead and be frank and warn you that what I'm about to say some people may misconstrue as me trying to turn you Catholic but I assure that's not my purpose (and even if it was that shouldn't be a bad thing).

Try going to a Mass, it will be more solemn than your used to and there will be a lot more praying and singing going on (probably a full 20 minutes of the whole hour is spent singing), but the sermon will be concise and to the point since it's limited to 10 minutes and you won't hear a bunch of fire and brimstone preaching. Don't worry about not knowing the responses and when to sit, stand, and kneel if you go as you'll know when to do what by simply following everyone else. The only thing you won't be able to participate in is Holy Communion (only Catholics can receive Communion at Catholic Churches).

I've known people in the same boat as you that get so much out of the Mass, so if you feel up to it give it a shot.

Pax Vobiscum

[kayem77]

Ninotori, I know how you feel, I just found a church recently and I like it, but I'm still judging if God wants me there . It's good that you want to be in the right place, so I don't judge you for looking carefully, but make sure that the problem is not within you instead of outside of you. There are no perfect churches but there are churches that preach the gospel and there are churches that don't preach the gospel.
My advice is that you listen to his voice first, you can do that by praying and reading his Word daily, so you know his will and his plans for you,when you grow in your relationship with him his voice becomes clearer and clearer. I dont know why you haven't been able to find a church, but there are some things to consider in that search:

1- Make sure the Gospel is preached. This means they don't distort it with their own personnal experiences or extra-biblical resources. Salvation comes by faith alone in Jesus Christ our Lord. If they say something like '' I know this is true because it works for me'' run for your life haha.

2- The view of the Bible for them is that it is inerrant and infallible and it is the inspired word of God. Their teaching comes from the Bible alone. Talking about personal experiences is OK as long as they don't make that the source of truth, just a testimony or an example to make the teaching clearer.

3- They believe in a fruitful christian life EVERYWHERE, which comes from faith and growing in your relationship with him. The evidence of a close relationship with Christ shows in our lives. I think this also shows in the fellowship.

I think those are the basics but there are more things that I think come from point #2...I don't know if you prefer a certain denomination I don't like to focus on them, but I think that as you get to know the Lord more and more, you will understand his purpose for you and the truth behind what is being preached at church. Lead the HS lead you, if you want wisdom, ask for it.
Just remember, the church will never be perfect, but you are called to have fellowship and to be part of the Body . Try to give the best of you to your brothers and sisters. I hope you find a church soon! God bless you.

There are some verses that talk about fellowship, as you can notice, fellowship is about pursuing the same purpose together, growing together .

If therefore there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Philippians 2: 1-2

Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. Colossians 3:16

And they were continually devoting themselves to the apostles' teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Acts 2:42

[zeroturbulence]

I think you would benefit greatly from watching this movie about Jesus. It is basically the gospel of Luke turned into a movie and its quite good. It started my heart turning towards Jesus when I was still an unbeliever. For me it was a VHS tape version handed to me by a kind old man who I once did some work for, but it is the same movie that is in the link below. There's no catch. Its totally free to watch. I think that after you watch this you will have a good basic understanding of the gospel so that what the preachers say in church will make more sense to you.

God bless.

The JESUS Film - STREAMING VIDEO

[jonnoboy]

Hello there, Jonno here, Firstly I promise you this: You're not alone! I too have this problem, don't think for one minute that those people who go to church are good, faithful Christians... far from it, the important thing is what is inside your head, and what you belive in your heart. I too don't ever hear God in my head or the holy spirit. You need to trust thats all Trusting is what the important thing in Christianty is! He will lead you in the right paty, thru prayer, thru church thru whatver way suits YOU and YOU alone!
God Bless you for coming on here and sharing to us, and seriously thank you for sharing your thoughts!! I hope you find peace in your faith, keep the prayers going! Talking to God is exactly what he wants, he wants you to need him, he wants you to ask for help! He died on the cross for us to help him!
God bless

Love Jonno
XXX

[jonnoboy]

Also, dont let the Big words that people on here or vicars use intimitade you ok, just because they use big words doesnt mean they are these perfect Christains, They are no different to you, perhaps they are further in their journey with God but thats all....! we are all here as Humans, we all make Mistakes, God accepts this! Go out and have faith the way you want to, but like I said before Keep talking to God!

[niceguyJ]

Hey there. You're getting plenty of advice on finding a church here, etc. Some things you said really struck me hard though...so I want to respond in this way:

You certainly can't work your way into Heaven or God's favor. God loves YOU just as you are. He accepts you as you are. There is NOTHING you can do. Even the ability to bow your head and ask him for forgiveness comes from Him. You can't even take one breath without Him. Of course, if we love Him we will do good works and follow Him. However, please just realize that his grace is sufficient for you now. You simply need to accept it and rest in it. Jesus has already died for your sins. There is nothing you can do to save yourself. You aren't capable. Jesus took care of that for you. It sounds like you have accepted Him already. You just need to rest in His love and take comfort in His salvation. Salvation is by grace, not by works.

I also want you to realize that EVERY single person sitting in any church is a sinner. We've all sinned. Not one of us is good. Not one of us is perfect. Even those who appear to really have it together still have problems, they're still flawed and imperfect. Please don't compare yourself to anyone else. We each have our own unique struggles and burdens to carry. No one else is any better at it than you are. It's only through God's grace that any of us can stand.

There are things like prayer, Bible reading, etc. that I believe we should do just purely out of devotion to God. Worship in the most pure, true form is doing those things because we love God...not doing them because of what we can get out of them. However, if we do these things we can't help but be transformed by God. I admire your passion for wanting to do better, but sometime change comes slowly. I'd encourage you to just keep doing the things you know you're supposed to be doing. You're a young Christian, so don't expect to understand everything. I have been a Christian for most of my life and I certainly don't understand everything. We can never even approach the level of wisdom that God has. We just have to keep trying and do our best. Even if you don't get something out of or understand the entire sermon, you can still get a little bit here and there perhaps. I know some churches also have classes for new believers, etc. I would encourage you to keep looking for a church. In the meantime pray, read your Bible...and rest in God.

I hope I haven't said anything that came across as confusing. If so, let me know and I'll be glad to try my best to reword it or something. As someone already stated though, you seem like a very intelligent and well spoken girl. I thought the same thing when I heard you speaking in the chat room.

[violakat]

Nino,

I ended up talking with someone on here about your situation. Something that Jonnoboy said reminded of some verses he shared with me

Isaiah 50: 10-11 "10“Who among you fears the Lord? Who obeys the voice of His Servant? Who walks in darkness And has no light? Let him trust in the name of the Lord And rely upon his God. 11 Look, all you who kindle a fire, Who encircle yourselves with sparks: Walk in the light of your fire and in the sparks you have kindled— This you shall have from My hand: You shall lie down in torment."

The way we hear from God is by placing our trust and obey His Voice (The Word of God.) When we try and create our on fires, and not rely on God, that is when we get burned.

[Ninotori]

Thank you all for the encouragement, I didn't see anything here that frightened me or bothered me, I saw some real love going on.

It's true, I am often considered to be a well spoken and intelligent girl, I do know very well that I am someone childlike and naive still. It still bothers me to know that I come home each night alone, and not to my parents. I don't understand what preachers say not because I don't understand the words but because what they speak of is not like poetry in a book, its life on an entirely different level, and it's harder for me to decipher it the same. I just wish I could find a preacher that realises we are people, we get up each day, we eat foods we find tasty, we play games, we mess up, we get distracted, and we aren't living in heaven yet. We are made perfect by Jesus Christ, but we are still living on Earth, and we still speak Earth.

Thank you for the encouragement, I'm still going to attend my weekly meeting. For those who asked, I attend because its the easiest for me to get to, since I don't own a car, I enjoy the worship, it has fellow students that I love seeing, but I still don't leave terribly comfortable, though the man who preaches for us is very good and kind, better than most I've found. No doubt that there are still other problems in my head keeping me out of church, since I am young and I'm just another kid on earth still, but I am still going to keep looking. I'll find it some day.

[violakat]

Originally Posted by Ninotori

Thank you all for the encouragement, I didn't see anything here that frightened me or bothered me, I saw some real love going on.

It's true, I am often considered to be a well spoken and intelligent girl, I do know very well that I am someone childlike and naive still. It still bothers me to know that I come home each night alone, and not to my parents. I don't understand what preachers say not because I don't understand the words but because what they speak of is not like poetry in a book, its life on an entirely different level, and it's harder for me to decipher it the same. I just wish I could find a preacher that realises we are people, we get up each day, we eat foods we find tasty, we play games, we mess up, we get distracted, and we aren't living in heaven yet. We are made perfect by Jesus Christ, but we are still living on Earth, and we still speak Earth.

Thank you for the encouragement, I'm still going to attend my weekly meeting. For those who asked, I attend because its the easiest for me to get to, since I don't own a car, I enjoy the worship, it has fellow students that I love seeing, but I still don't leave terribly comfortable, though the man who preaches for us is very good and kind, better than most I've found. No doubt that there are still other problems in my head keeping me out of church, since I am young and I'm just another kid on earth still, but I am still going to keep looking. I'll find it some day.

Why don't you talk with the man and the ministry and see if he can either help you understand the Bible more, or suggest someone for you to talk with that can help.

Also, if you want, you can always write to me here. I won't guarantee to know all the answers (in fact, I pretty much guarantee that I won't know all the answers), but I certainly will be happy to help you find them.

[Crazy4GODword]

Sometimes when the word of God that comes from someone like a leader such as a pastor, it could be God hitting on you, trying to say something. If it feels like they have something against you, I think really it's just the feeling of conviction.

[Ninotori]

It's not that I feel like they have something against me, its that they spend so much time talking about all the things we need to be doing, and not explaining what they mean that I assume I must not be doing it and therefore somehow wrong.

Nobody is directly attacking me, its just the fact that I don't understand leads me to believe that I'm just no doing enough ever, and I leave confused and hurt.

[Liz01]

As i see there are many very good advices here in many posts, my advice to you is to give yourself time to get closer to God, give you time to understand what bible say, the work that God makes in us is little by little and day by day, maybe you will understand a versicle today and the next month you will understand another one and as you grow in your faith, then you will understand faster.

Another advice, (that someone gave me since i accepted Jesus in my life) that have helped me a lot, is to focus my mind and heart in God, because we as humans make mistakes or maybe the church dont do what you expect, but God never fail us and its very important that you go to church because you are focusing on him. I found my church by prayer so maybe you can find it in the same way (I will pray for you too )

In your message you show your passion and your faith in Jesus and its very nice to see someone like you , so dont be discouraged, God will be always with you and will guide you all the time.

[Siberian_Khatru]

Ninotori,

I didn't sift through every post here, so I apologize for any redundancy. My suggestion - if you haven't already tried - is to look into other outlets the gospel is spread through; literature, radio, podcasts, etc. There is a myriad of avenues evangelists and theologists take in order to spread the word and even debate. Perhaps you can find what edifies you through one of those avenues!

Happy hunting, in the meantime. You always have CC to come to for Fellowship and the Gospel, if nothing else.

[kazphan]

come to my church! its in uk tho!
you will find a lot of churchs these days are all about show and religion! You need to find a church that teaches the Word as it is! No frills or what what! Big words do not impress God. You think Jesus walked around talking like a thesaurus? No He met people where they were at and taught them how to live! All I can suggest is to keep trying as you really need to go to church as other believers build you up and support you, they help you to understand and grow. It is also good cause then you know that you are not alone in what you are going through. Church is not a place for "good perfect" people. It is a place for the sick the hungry and the sinners! you think healthy people hang out at a hospital? no. We are all growing and learning and trying to live right. No one is there yet, not until Jesus come s bk or we go to Heaven , we still each of us have to work at it.
Shame on preachers and teachers who don teach. The bible says to go and make disciples of all nations, not converts !! we have to ocntinue to nurture and build people.
I suggest for you to keep searching and praying for God to find you a good bible based church. In your spare time check out Andrew Wommack - he teaches in a way that really makes you understand. Also do not be afraid to ask as we are ALL still learning - even the pastors and prophets and apostles!!
The Lord your God is with you, be strengthened by Him . x