Why I don't attend church

[rainacorn]

When I first came back to Christ and started going to church again, I really hated it. It was uncomfortable and I didn't want to be there and I felt like I didn't get what anyone was talking about. It felt like it wasn't the place for me. Everyone there was so old and we didn't have anything in common and it was like they never struggled with the spiritual questions I struggled with...they couldn't relate.

But, I kept going anyway.

Eventually I realized that the problem wasn't the church- the problem was me. I was prejudging everything and making assumptions without even realizing it. Once I realized that, I went in with fresh eyes and open ears, ready to learn...and everything was different.

I still go there. I love it. I can't wait to go every Sunday, I am happy when I'm there and it makes my whole week better. The members have become an extended family and I jump at the chance to help out where I can.

Just like with relationships, God will play matchmaker if you let Him... but sometimes you really have to give it a chance so you can understand why it's such a good match.

 

[frankleespeaking]

No doubt that this post is going to get me attacked every which way but sideways, but I want to be heard out. I want to be listened to, understood, and then spoken too.

I have only been saved for over a year or so, since I just before I was 18. I haven't attended church regularly, the only weekly worship I have attended has been a Christian Student Fellowship that meets on thursdays at my college, and I haven't made it to every one. I always feel bad and ashamed somehow for not attending a service, but at the same time, I have these reasons.

I am always afraid to go to church because every time I leave church I am only made sad and scared. The preachers, pastors, ministers and all are always loving and passionate men, I have nothing against them, but I don't understand anything they are teaching. They always speak so eloquently, so poeticly, I can't understand what they actually mean! I can't apply anything practically to my life, and they make it sound so magical and supernatural, it's as though I'm being told to do something I know I can't achieve. I don't hear God speaking in the back of my head like some people seem to, I don't feel the holy spirit take over me quite the same as everyone else. The only thing I know I have is that I love God and Jesus, that I want to change for THEM, not just for heaven and eternal life, and that I am a sinner who needs repenting. I also know that I am somehow supposed to keep my thoughts pure, that I am meant to somehow sin no more, that I am to walk by faith and not by sight, but I have no idea how to do these things. Sometimes I feel like the only way I can be saved is by abandoning everything I have to go out and witness to the world, and to travel and live as an impoverished waif just to spread the gospel. I think nothing wrong of that but I don't for one minute feel like I could do that!

This could easily be seen as complaining, and for all it matters it may be. I am just so tired of constantly being afraid, never knowing exactly how to approach God, not knowing in what light to see him, and in what ways I am supposed to be living to be who he wants me to be. I'm tired of going to church looking for fellowship, worship, and learning to find only fear and pain again.

My problem is that no matter what church I attend I don't understand what I'm supposed to do. I never get close to my pastors because as soon as I've heard another sermon I'm just terrified again. I spend every minute begging for forgiveness, never knowing what exactly to change except what little I can glean from the word of God on my own. I feel like I'm supposed to save myself entirely, even though I know thats wrong. I won't attend church because it only scares me, and sends me off in directions that are just never right, and no one is here teaching me but the holy spirit, who I only seem to see nudging me away from the wrong paths just before I take the first step.

It all boils down to a complete lack of understanding. No amount of praying or bible reading thus far has truly answered the questions I beg to know. I don't even want heaven so much at this point just to be right by God, so that at least when I stand before him I can say I tried. I dont know though. I don't know anything. I don't know if I'm supposed to just go about my life giving as much love and being as good a servant I can while trying to be as pure as possible, or sell everything I have and live with nothing. I do not know how to do anything, and no one has yet been here to teach me how. I force myself to go to worship to sing songs to the lord I love, to pray to him and pray for those I love, only to leave in pain and fear because I feel only accused more and left to my own devices.

I love Jesus. I love God more than anything. I have begged for forgiveness, I have cried to Jesus and begged him to give me the strength, the wisdom I need, and to relieve me of my burdens. I know that he loves me, and God loves me, and there is no amount of sin that he can't forgive. I know that even should I fail and stand before the gates of hell that I would never deny him, and gladly scream of his love over flames for eternity if thats how it goes. I just don't know what I'm supposed to be doing to meet my end of the deal. I've never found a church that taught me.

I'm not sure what your afriad of? in listening to sermons?.......I find there is no solution to your problem if you can't listen to sermons and go to church, I can't see you finding wisdom and knowledge in understanding God and His ways without someone teaching you

Its like you saying I want to learn to ride a bike, I love bikes.......but I'm terrified of wheels, they scare me

 

[xino]

Ninotori

if you don't understand what the pastor teaches at church or you remain scared.

you can always attend a fellowship meeting, where group of Christians meet up, discuss, read the bible and pray.
that would be better.


i didn't attend church for YEARS!
I focused on worldy instead.

so now that i've repented, what I'm basically doing is attending all kinds of churches and seeing what they offer.
pretty fun and challenging.

 

[Rheod]

Why don't you try online sermons. I personally don't go to church either because I don't feel like I can pray (sounds weird I know) but pray for me is personal for me and God and church is too packed

 

[NinJaGGS]

I can't tell you what to do but I can tell you what church I go to.
I go to the Orthodox Church, the oldest church of Christ.
We have preserved the fullness of the faith. This is not my personal opinion but what we have always taught.
Before Catholicism there was Orthodoxy. There is a treasure of wisdom.
We also believe that we know we have the holy spirit, but we don't know where the holy spirit isn't.
there is a man, a priest that has a very good blog about this issues in society, church life and theology.
His name is Father Stephen Freeman... blog is fatherstephen.wordpress.com/

 

[dctalkjfreak]

I know how you feel. I struggle with the same issues. I posted in my introduction that I do not go to church like I should. I believe the Bible says to keep the sabbath holy, not to torture yourself with guilt over not going every week. Take some time out to figure it out. You could be trying too hard. God does not want you to live this way.

When I go to church I feel nothing but anxiety and fear most of the time. I know this is not what Jesus wants for us. Maybe if we pray and be patient it will come to us.

 

[Doobs]

I would just like to add my two cents worth as the saying goes. I'm not 18, I'm 49 and a lot of the time I feel pretty much the same way. Oh I think I understand the bible. I know doctrine. I love prophecy. But, there's always that feeling deep down inside, a feeling of being lost. Christians often like to say, "when were you saved?". Well, I always think to myself, I dunno, I don't know if I even am. For years I seem to always picture the second coming and me just there alone, lost. I often picture the holy city of God coming down from heaven as a bride adorned for her husband and me standing outside because I don't belong inside. Do you know your saved? Well I don't. But I know God loves me and is doing everything he can for me. For me knowing the bible is important but just k owing doctrine doesn't do it because I know heaps of doctrine. I can say the original post really spoke to me in a big way. To me that person seems to be one of the very few that is either on the same journey I am or is at least honest about it. Don't get a real lot out of church? Ever heard of home churches? Independants? These are people that have left mainstream churches and meet at home churches. Wierd you say? Think of this. How many people even understood Christ's mission before he died on the cross? How many we're saved? For that matter, the bible says there were only eight people in the ark, ever wondered how many weren't? We don't believe in Evolution you know. That world could have supported millions or even billions of people and only eight were saved. Maybe the ones that were lost were the ones happy on their journey and werent asking questions like this person. I won't say I go to church here or I go there and therefore that might be good for you. But, there is a growing movement of people out there not happy with mainstream churches for the very reasons expressed by the original poster. But I am sorry I got off the track. I am sorry that unlike the other people posting here I cannot really offer any real suggestion, although the posts given in reply do seem very genuine and warming and helpful and nice. But what I do say is, thank you. Thank you for your genuine honesty. Thank you for showing me that I'm not he only one that struggles with these feelings. I know our cases are different yet you at least have shown me that there are others out there with this struggle, fighting these mind games, trying to at last find God. I have been searching for so many years and have felt that I would never find him. But together we should both count our blessings and smell the roses. God is still there, he is still God. He still has us in the palm of his hand. We may not understand but praise God he does. Fight the good fight as Paul says. Look, that's our father up there with our names on the palms of his hands.

God bless