Quick reminder that I'm not saved or anything of the sort
These last 3 months have been extremely rough for my mental
I'm losing all of my friends (or who I considered my friends to be)
We got along great in the first few months of meeting each other (about 8 of us met through a social media platform similar to Myspace, and found out that we lived near each other. And the rest we met at school, the park, ect.)
Some drama broke out between 2 of my friends, and it got so bad that one of them relapsed with SH and gradually stopped talking to us. I'm still in contact with them but they're really distant from everyone and we barely talk anymore. And the other person cut everyone off completely because we still kept in contact with the one they were arguing with
Then this girl who I consider my best friend started crushing on someone, and ended up cutting herself for her crush, starving herself to look like their ideal SO, which she ended up in the hospital for on multiple occasions (and has been in the hospital since last week)
And my friend Asher, who kept going in and out of a mental hospital almost every two months or so, went on Twitter and started posting about how he was going to attempt an overdose. We were all worried and we couldn't go to his house because we didn't know where he lived. After 10 minutes or so he said that he regretted the attempt and was crying because he didn't want to die, but also didn't want to call anyone for help. He eventually said that he would call Poison Control or something but kept hesitating until I had to convince him myself. He ended up calling, but got admitted to a mental hospital by his mom around last month and I doubt he'll be coming out this month or the next.
Then Cole, who I've known the longest, committed suicide after his birthday and no one bothered to tell me only after a week when I started asking about where he went.
This influenced me into a depressive episode that lasted over 2 weeks and when I started becoming more social again, I found out that my friend Milo passed away due to blood loss from her self-harming.
My friend Martin started ghosting me and Avery, and he hasn't come to school last week but he's been online so me and Avery decided to let him have his space.
Avery seems fine but comes to school with fresh cuts almost every day and it keeps triggering my own urges which are hard to ignore. We still talk but always end up sulking about our friends who have passed, which makes us distance yourself even more than we already have.
I keep regretting the decision of making friends with them in the first place, because all we ever did was joke about the worst things, were always hyperactive to the point where it got out of control, and were just so negative to each other and thinking that it was normal since it have us a 'happy' distraction from our deteriorating mental health. I feel useless for not being able to do anything, and I keep relapsing in SH and my other bad habits. I honestly wish that I was dead because I feel like it's all I deserve for being such a terrible person.
These last 3 months have been extremely rough for my mental
I'm losing all of my friends (or who I considered my friends to be)
We got along great in the first few months of meeting each other (about 8 of us met through a social media platform similar to Myspace, and found out that we lived near each other. And the rest we met at school, the park, ect.)
Some drama broke out between 2 of my friends, and it got so bad that one of them relapsed with SH and gradually stopped talking to us. I'm still in contact with them but they're really distant from everyone and we barely talk anymore. And the other person cut everyone off completely because we still kept in contact with the one they were arguing with
Then this girl who I consider my best friend started crushing on someone, and ended up cutting herself for her crush, starving herself to look like their ideal SO, which she ended up in the hospital for on multiple occasions (and has been in the hospital since last week)
And my friend Asher, who kept going in and out of a mental hospital almost every two months or so, went on Twitter and started posting about how he was going to attempt an overdose. We were all worried and we couldn't go to his house because we didn't know where he lived. After 10 minutes or so he said that he regretted the attempt and was crying because he didn't want to die, but also didn't want to call anyone for help. He eventually said that he would call Poison Control or something but kept hesitating until I had to convince him myself. He ended up calling, but got admitted to a mental hospital by his mom around last month and I doubt he'll be coming out this month or the next.
Then Cole, who I've known the longest, committed suicide after his birthday and no one bothered to tell me only after a week when I started asking about where he went.
This influenced me into a depressive episode that lasted over 2 weeks and when I started becoming more social again, I found out that my friend Milo passed away due to blood loss from her self-harming.
My friend Martin started ghosting me and Avery, and he hasn't come to school last week but he's been online so me and Avery decided to let him have his space.
Avery seems fine but comes to school with fresh cuts almost every day and it keeps triggering my own urges which are hard to ignore. We still talk but always end up sulking about our friends who have passed, which makes us distance yourself even more than we already have.
I keep regretting the decision of making friends with them in the first place, because all we ever did was joke about the worst things, were always hyperactive to the point where it got out of control, and were just so negative to each other and thinking that it was normal since it have us a 'happy' distraction from our deteriorating mental health. I feel useless for not being able to do anything, and I keep relapsing in SH and my other bad habits. I honestly wish that I was dead because I feel like it's all I deserve for being such a terrible person.
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