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April 5, 2012. The Giant Center in Hershey, Pennsylvania. It was there that Christ came into my life and changed me forever; I was saved. March 28, 2013. Same venue. Baptized in the Holy Spirit, given the gift of tongues and later interpretation. Fast-forward to March 1, 2014. I'm lost again. It could be any or all of the numerous reasons I've come up with in my head that led me away, but I want to get back.
I guess the main thing is I've slacked off. I went from reading my Bible every day, praying a lot, and listening strictly to worship and country music to barely reading or praying at all, and my iTunes library, well... is full of some not so great stuff.
Lately I've been trying, doing what I can, having some intense talks with God and praying very sincerely. All is great until I wake up the next morning; 6:00 a.m. on the road to a job filled with foul-mouthed, somewhat perverted men all in a small shop. Work and chewing tobacco fill my 9 hour shift, then it's a ride home blasting - typically - angry music for the bitter mood work had put me in. I text my girlfriend, who fortunately always puts a smile on my face, but for the wrong reasons. Dinner, then back to the chew and sitting around trying to rest before the next long day. Late nights filled with all kinds of sin.
My problem isn't that I don't know how to get back to God; not that I don't know what true faith is. I feel my problem is that I can't let myself get past what I have in my life to get to Him.
My girlfriend is a Christian, she believes and goes to church, etc. Yet, she is a stubborn one and has a mindset on life that can't be changed, which truthfully, doesn't involve a whole lot of God. Tony Evans said in his book, Kingdom Man, that a woman will follow her man's lead, yet I'm afraid that if I were to return to living my life in Christ that she would resist or leave altogether. I love her, and she loves me, and our relationship is amazing in every department but our faith. On the topic of sex, so far we haven't done anything, but it's looming. Basically, it's gonna happen soon. For all of my life I stayed pure and in these past months that I've gotten lost, that belief seems to have faded. I'm worried that if I were to resume my purity, which hasn't been broken fortunately, she would have a problem and in turn, leave. She is the love of my life, my best friend for years and now a girl that I couldn't see myself without.
But wait, there's more. I'm what some of you would call a "redneck", "hick", or "hillbilly." I was raised in the country, on a farm, and almost all of my friends were too. The majority of us chew tobacco or smoke, beer is almost as abundant as water, and cursing is just natural. I fight that lifestyle all the time. I'm afraid of losing my friends because out here they're all I've got, yet none of them are saved and are pretty much against the idea of it. Tobacco has dominated me since I was young, along with alcohol. I told myself 2 weeks ago that I quit, yet I just went through a whole can today. Alcohol is everywhere in my life, from my family, friends, and coworkers. I can't go more than an hour anywhere in my life without hearing about it. I used to drink a lot, fortunately I slowed down, but when I start I don't tend to stop. Also, the language I use is unacceptable and just downright evil. I can't seem to find a happy medium between my country side and my Christian side, and I don't know how to merge the two or if I even can.
Yet, every Sunday you'll see me crisp in clean in my plaid shirt and cowboy boots, with the cleanest mouth, holding my Bible. I'm either singing my heart out or playing bass for worship, and reading or listening during the sermon. I'll be the nicest, well-mannered young man you've ever met until I pull into my driveway, where Sunday afternoons are either football or Nascar, with the beer flowing and a dip in my lip. Church ends at 12, and by 2 I'll already have forgotten about the Lord.
Maybe I'm missing something here that's the key to everything, or maybe I have a lot of work cut out. Either way, someone please just explain this to me, help me out. I know this is long, but thank you for reading.
I guess the main thing is I've slacked off. I went from reading my Bible every day, praying a lot, and listening strictly to worship and country music to barely reading or praying at all, and my iTunes library, well... is full of some not so great stuff.
Lately I've been trying, doing what I can, having some intense talks with God and praying very sincerely. All is great until I wake up the next morning; 6:00 a.m. on the road to a job filled with foul-mouthed, somewhat perverted men all in a small shop. Work and chewing tobacco fill my 9 hour shift, then it's a ride home blasting - typically - angry music for the bitter mood work had put me in. I text my girlfriend, who fortunately always puts a smile on my face, but for the wrong reasons. Dinner, then back to the chew and sitting around trying to rest before the next long day. Late nights filled with all kinds of sin.
My problem isn't that I don't know how to get back to God; not that I don't know what true faith is. I feel my problem is that I can't let myself get past what I have in my life to get to Him.
My girlfriend is a Christian, she believes and goes to church, etc. Yet, she is a stubborn one and has a mindset on life that can't be changed, which truthfully, doesn't involve a whole lot of God. Tony Evans said in his book, Kingdom Man, that a woman will follow her man's lead, yet I'm afraid that if I were to return to living my life in Christ that she would resist or leave altogether. I love her, and she loves me, and our relationship is amazing in every department but our faith. On the topic of sex, so far we haven't done anything, but it's looming. Basically, it's gonna happen soon. For all of my life I stayed pure and in these past months that I've gotten lost, that belief seems to have faded. I'm worried that if I were to resume my purity, which hasn't been broken fortunately, she would have a problem and in turn, leave. She is the love of my life, my best friend for years and now a girl that I couldn't see myself without.
But wait, there's more. I'm what some of you would call a "redneck", "hick", or "hillbilly." I was raised in the country, on a farm, and almost all of my friends were too. The majority of us chew tobacco or smoke, beer is almost as abundant as water, and cursing is just natural. I fight that lifestyle all the time. I'm afraid of losing my friends because out here they're all I've got, yet none of them are saved and are pretty much against the idea of it. Tobacco has dominated me since I was young, along with alcohol. I told myself 2 weeks ago that I quit, yet I just went through a whole can today. Alcohol is everywhere in my life, from my family, friends, and coworkers. I can't go more than an hour anywhere in my life without hearing about it. I used to drink a lot, fortunately I slowed down, but when I start I don't tend to stop. Also, the language I use is unacceptable and just downright evil. I can't seem to find a happy medium between my country side and my Christian side, and I don't know how to merge the two or if I even can.
Yet, every Sunday you'll see me crisp in clean in my plaid shirt and cowboy boots, with the cleanest mouth, holding my Bible. I'm either singing my heart out or playing bass for worship, and reading or listening during the sermon. I'll be the nicest, well-mannered young man you've ever met until I pull into my driveway, where Sunday afternoons are either football or Nascar, with the beer flowing and a dip in my lip. Church ends at 12, and by 2 I'll already have forgotten about the Lord.
Maybe I'm missing something here that's the key to everything, or maybe I have a lot of work cut out. Either way, someone please just explain this to me, help me out. I know this is long, but thank you for reading.
"I don't want to pray." Force yourself. As for reading the bible, set yourself to read one chapter a day(to start). One chapter probably would take ~10-15mins. There is power in His word!
