All my life I worried about blushes,nervousness and the imagined “how people would misunderstand me".When I was in grade 4,a classmate broke one piece of window glass.The teacher didn't know who did it and scolded the whole class for quite a while..I was a shy kid.I was not the guilty but a strange demonic thought came to my mind that I SHOULD NOT BLUSH ---otherwise the teacher and the whole class would wrong me.Immediately I got very scared and blushed awfully.Although the teacher didn't seem to notice me,I cried very sad after school and I dared not to talk to my parents about it.I didn't understand it.
Time passed,I have never forgot that bad memory and I became more and more sensitive about blushes and how others would take me wrong.Especially in my teenage years I really cared what peers might thought of me.It got worse and worse.Eventually I found I felt horribly nervous to speak with boy classmates.My blush was like a time bomb.I felt insecure all day long.I was so afraid of being wronged or made fun of.Everyday in school was like a torture but I just didn't have enough encourage to confide to anyone.My parents never asked.
Finally I went to an university.I began to realize what others think of me are not that important.But I am struggling with a nervousness and anxiety that is like an unfortunate sequela.For a few times I thought I needed a psychologist but I forgot soon.I had insomnia and depression for a long time in my university dormitory.The most awful feeling was people laughing and talking but I was weeping quietly and alone--just couldn't sleep.And there are many many occasions that can make me nervous like some old bad memories attacking me.There's a time I was even afraid of talking to a shop clerk.
I want to change but I feel rather helpless.
However one day,it was a few months ago I learnt of Jesus and God.I see a hope that my life will get better.Now indeed I am getting a bit better.Now I count on God and Jesus to help me.In my thesis oral defense last month,I was nervous to die,then I slipped out of the classroom and wept and called Jesus for help.After that my nervousness relieved a bit.I was nervous but I performed unexpectedly good and got an excellence.
But there are times I still fail because of my nervousness and feel sad.I am about to leave home and look for a job in another city.I have an interview next week.I am worried.Brothers and sisters at CC,please pray for me.
Time passed,I have never forgot that bad memory and I became more and more sensitive about blushes and how others would take me wrong.Especially in my teenage years I really cared what peers might thought of me.It got worse and worse.Eventually I found I felt horribly nervous to speak with boy classmates.My blush was like a time bomb.I felt insecure all day long.I was so afraid of being wronged or made fun of.Everyday in school was like a torture but I just didn't have enough encourage to confide to anyone.My parents never asked.
Finally I went to an university.I began to realize what others think of me are not that important.But I am struggling with a nervousness and anxiety that is like an unfortunate sequela.For a few times I thought I needed a psychologist but I forgot soon.I had insomnia and depression for a long time in my university dormitory.The most awful feeling was people laughing and talking but I was weeping quietly and alone--just couldn't sleep.And there are many many occasions that can make me nervous like some old bad memories attacking me.There's a time I was even afraid of talking to a shop clerk.
I want to change but I feel rather helpless.
However one day,it was a few months ago I learnt of Jesus and God.I see a hope that my life will get better.Now indeed I am getting a bit better.Now I count on God and Jesus to help me.In my thesis oral defense last month,I was nervous to die,then I slipped out of the classroom and wept and called Jesus for help.After that my nervousness relieved a bit.I was nervous but I performed unexpectedly good and got an excellence.
But there are times I still fail because of my nervousness and feel sad.I am about to leave home and look for a job in another city.I have an interview next week.I am worried.Brothers and sisters at CC,please pray for me.
