Saying No To Someone Who Is Not Christian

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RushBreeze

RushBreeze

Member
#1
Dec 20, 2011
70
5
8
#1
OK, quick preface, I work with a guy who is super sweet, into a lot of the same things as me, and has a lot of qualities that recommend him. Problem is he is definitely not a Christian. He is not rude about it, but has been upfront that he feels science and religion dont mix and therefore science wins and there cant be a God.

I dont know for sure that he likes me, but a few work friends have said they think he might, and as much as I am starting to really like him I dont want to date someone who is not a Christian. I feel like the bible is pretty clear on the matter and it breaks my heart just thinking about my friends not going to heaven, but to be in a relationship with someone and knowing that they arnt, it hurts just to think about. Not to mention physical expectations he might have for the relationships that are likely different from my biblical ones.

So I guess my question is, how do I say to him, or realistically any guy, that I cant/wont date him because hes not a Christian without sounding like a stuck up, holier-then-thou jerk?

Has anyone had any experience with this situation? Can you advise on the best way to handle the situation?
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
Easy. You don't have to tell him why. Just find a nice way to turn him down. In reality you don't even owe an explanation. You just owe him an answer and to be nice about it.
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#3
#3
"I'm a Christian and have different beliefs to you, I don't believe a relationship would work".
You don't even have to say that much.
 
S

Spokenpassage

Guest
#4
#4
You can just say that you are not interested if he ever pulls up a question about it. I agree with the brothers above, no need to explain.
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#5
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,172
113
#5
RushBreeze said:
OK, quick preface, I work with a guy who is super sweet, into a lot of the same things as me, and has a lot of qualities that recommend him. Problem is he is definitely not a Christian. He is not rude about it, but has been upfront that he feels science and religion dont mix and therefore science wins and there cant be a God.

I dont know for sure that he likes me, but a few work friends have said they think he might, and as much as I am starting to really like him I dont want to date someone who is not a Christian. I feel like the bible is pretty clear on the matter and it breaks my heart just thinking about my friends not going to heaven, but to be in a relationship with someone and knowing that they arnt, it hurts just to think about. Not to mention physical expectations he might have for the relationships that are likely different from my biblical ones.

So I guess my question is, how do I say to him, or realistically any guy, that I cant/wont date him because hes not a Christian without sounding like a stuck up, holier-then-thou jerk?

Has anyone had any experience with this situation? Can you advise on the best way to handle the situation?
Click to expand...

Would you like to go to a church function with me? He says no and you are off the hook. He says yes and you might help win him to Christ. Either way you are not a jerk you are friendly and open to his friendship with probably no hard feelings. Just a thought.
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#6
#6
JesusLives said:
Would you like to go to a church function with me? He says no and you are off the hook. He says yes and you might help win him to Christ. Either way you are not a jerk you are friendly and open to his friendship with probably no hard feelings. Just a thought.
Click to expand...
Don't encourage missionary dating, it's a bad idea.
 
lydever91

lydever91

Senior Member
#7
Aug 5, 2011
491
14
18
#7
When my husband and I were together, he taught me about the Lord. I was a useless sinner before my husband led me to the Lord. It first started with asking about what happens when we die.

If my husband didn't want to date someone who's not Christian, I would still be hell-bound.


As far as science and "religion" not mixing, he needs to see some John Lennox debates.
 
Nautilus

Nautilus

Senior Member
#8
Jun 29, 2012
6,488
53
48
#8
When was No, thanks not a good answer?
 
RushBreeze

RushBreeze

Member
#9
Dec 20, 2011
70
5
8
#9
You all make it sound like in over complicating things, and it's entirely possible I am. I guess I feel I owe an explanation to someone who put out the effort to express interest, I can't imagine putting my heart out there to have someone turn me down.
If it's as simple as thanks, but no thanks then problem solved. I just wanted to make sure I was doing a brother justice and Christian service despite his not being a Christian.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#10
#10
Well, if you feel you owe him, that's something you apply. In reality most guys are likely to ask you on dates first, then eventually to date in a committed relationship. At least that's the norm for secular society. So turning down the date doesn't require a reason.
If you mean him asking you into a relationship, then you still don't need to say a lot. Just thank him and let him know you appreciate his interest but that you just are not interested. Anyone who adds more than that to it is just complicating the issue.
 
G

gracisings

Guest
#11
#11
RushBreeze said:
OK, quick preface, I work with a guy who is super sweet, into a lot of the same things as me, and has a lot of qualities that recommend him. Problem is he is definitely not a Christian. He is not rude about it, but has been upfront that he feels science and religion dont mix and therefore science wins and there cant be a God.

I dont know for sure that he likes me, but a few work friends have said they think he might, and as much as I am starting to really like him I dont want to date someone who is not a Christian. I feel like the bible is pretty clear on the matter and it breaks my heart just thinking about my friends not going to heaven, but to be in a relationship with someone and knowing that they arnt, it hurts just to think about. Not to mention physical expectations he might have for the relationships that are likely different from my biblical ones.

So I guess my question is, how do I say to him, or realistically any guy, that I cant/wont date him because hes not a Christian without sounding like a stuck up, holier-then-thou jerk?

Has anyone had any experience with this situation? Can you advise on the best way to handle the situation?
Click to expand...
If he asks you out or something. thank him for the compliment. Tell him you realize that it too him a lot of courage to ask you this, and you're pleased that he thinks you're worth pursuing, but you don't think the two of you have enough shared values to get along with each other outside of the workplace. If he asks, point out Christianity and a couple of other things.

I don't recommend telling him you won't date him because he isn't a Christian. I have seen relationships like that where the agnostic started going to church without any religious conviction at all, so that they could date the Christian. It put the Christian half of the couple on the spot, he/she still was unimpressed with the other's beliefs but now couldn't say it. And that kind of thing often leads to the unbeliever leaving the church after the breakup.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#12
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
113
#12
Just tell him he's a really great guy and that you would definitely go out with him if he was a christian. If he can't accept that then you're better off not dating him.
 
G

Grey

Guest
#13
#13
I don't really believe in segregating my love.
 
koolcas

koolcas

Senior Member
#14
Jul 12, 2012
116
1
18
#14
sounds like you're feeling bad that you gotto say No. but girl, you are looking who shares your passion in Christ and has all those other qualities you like. so dont disappoint yourself. i dont have a prob with letting people know i have a different standard. people may think it's stuck up, but its the truth...so....
 
A

AmberGardner

Guest
#15
#15
I have a similar problem with a man at work. I like him and wish it could happen. I've been alone for years and years. He's a widower of two years and has two very young daughters. His wife died in childbirth. He has hit on me the whole 2 years we've worked together and it's been a super hard battle for me!! I think he's very handsome!! And I feel protective over him when people do him wrong!! BUT......he does things Christians just aren't supposed to do and I won't mention those things. You'll just have to take my word for it. I'm not willing to date him. He may be a Christian, and only God can judge his soul, but on this earthly level I will not risk a life with a person who is willing to compromise.

He moved on recently. He rubbed it in my face really really hard too, and it hurt my feelings. But, there's nothing I can do about that.
 
RushBreeze

RushBreeze

Member
#16
Dec 20, 2011
70
5
8
#16
gracisings said:
If he asks you out or something. thank him for the compliment. Tell him you realize that it too him a lot of courage to ask you this, and you're pleased that he thinks you're worth pursuing, but you don't think the two of you have enough shared values to get along with each other outside of the workplace. If he asks, point out Christianity and a couple of other things.

I don't recommend telling him you won't date him because he isn't a Christian. I have seen relationships like that where the agnostic started going to church without any religious conviction at all, so that they could date the Christian. It put the Christian half of the couple on the spot, he/she still was unimpressed with the other's beliefs but now couldn't say it. And that kind of thing often leads to the unbeliever leaving the church after the breakup.
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For such a young lady you sure do have a wise heart! I do believe this was the best possible wording I could think of!
Thank you so much!
 
M

mark_seven

Guest
#17
#17
just tell him the exact reason :)
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#18
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#18
RushBreeze said:
OK, quick preface, I work with a guy who is super sweet, into a lot of the same things as me, and has a lot of qualities that recommend him. Problem is he is definitely not a Christian. He is not rude about it, but has been upfront that he feels science and religion dont mix and therefore science wins and there cant be a God.

I dont know for sure that he likes me, but a few work friends have said they think he might, and as much as I am starting to really like him I dont want to date someone who is not a Christian. I feel like the bible is pretty clear on the matter and it breaks my heart just thinking about my friends not going to heaven, but to be in a relationship with someone and knowing that they arnt, it hurts just to think about. Not to mention physical expectations he might have for the relationships that are likely different from my biblical ones.

So I guess my question is, how do I say to him, or realistically any guy, that I cant/wont date him because hes not a Christian without sounding like a stuck up, holier-then-thou jerk?

Has anyone had any experience with this situation? Can you advise on the best way to handle the situation?
Click to expand...
What if they are Christian faked?

Some believed the OT, some believe (and follow) the NT only. How do you know who they really are (without seen and sharing)?

I have endangered in loving Christian and pagans, and the risk is the same when I don't achieve their expectations (or they're not achieving my likes or expectations)

If you are god-centered person, He will lead you to those who are like you.

Don't open your heart in a pagan and hostile enviroment.
 
WhiteWolfOfTheBlackForest

WhiteWolfOfTheBlackForest

Banned
#19
Mar 1, 2013
176
1
0
#19
Just say 'No sorry, I am not interested in a relationship' ... you are not obliged to explain everything and your reasons why.
 
Chris8

Chris8

Banned
#20
Dec 27, 2013
23
0
0
#20
Many men and women which are not Christians (born again) may be very nice persons but most important what kind of heart they have. If a Christian likes a non believer it is good and wise to keep distance from that non Christian without to give explanations because they can't understand Lord's will in this matter.

I like Joseph's attitude from Genesis 39:10-13

[SUP]10 [/SUP]She spoke to Joseph day after day, but he did not listen to her, to lie with her or to be with her.
[SUP]11 [/SUP]Then it happened about this time that Joseph went into the house to attend to his duties, and none of the men of the house were indoors.
[SUP]12 [/SUP]And she caught him by his garment, saying, Lie with me! But he left his garment in her hand and fled and got out [of the house].
[SUP]13 [/SUP]And when she saw that he had left his garment in her hand and had fled away



Joseph did what is right and is a very good ex for Lord's children which are in the same situation

RushBreeze said:
So I guess my question is, how do I say to him, or realistically any guy, that I cant/wont date him because hes not a Christian without sounding like a stuck up, holier-then-thou jerk?

Has anyone had any experience with this situation? Can you advise on the best way to handle the situation?
Click to expand...
 
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