Stepping out? :'(

[guilbautedsookie]

I am right now confused with my career... it's like I don't even wanna call God "Lord" because I just don't want to right now... I am just being honest here and this really hurts :'(

I know the Lordship of God is really perfect and undeniable, but I just don't see everything adding up right now. To be honest I envy Christians who just do with their careers, even if it's not what God has willed for them, yet they still have the faith and all that :'(

God told me I will be a nurse, and as a result I left behind a high-paying job to be one. I decided to join the paramedics and to be honest, I love it but I know it's really not my thing. The long hours, the very low pay and the worst of all, one time I had to transport my patient and I got beaten up badly. I look back at the job I left and I saw that I was happiest during those times. I was doing what I was really happy doing-- writing. Now I am just so depressed to see that here I am, a paramedic, a volunteer.

To be honest, I love this. It's just that I always tell God, "Why? God, you know I am weak at this, you know I am not the best nurse-- why God?". I know it's wrong to ask God like this but I wanna really talk to Him about it. I wanna return to what I used to do. I regret quitting my job to be honest and I just cry knowing things really aren't adding up right now. It's like have I not left my job probably I would be very happy and of course I am glorifying God by using the talent He lent me for His glory.

I dunno I am confused! I wanna leave being a paramedic cause it's just not adding up. But a part of me says NO. A part of me tells me that God has willed me there. Another part tells me to go and return to writing.

I just dunno as confusing as this all sounds that's how confused I am. I am 21 and young yes I have more to this life but I just don't wanna do anything out of fear of God... but because I wanna glorify Him. I am just so confused with my career and the enemy is enticing me to just end it all, but God's grace keeps me alive everyday to give praise to Him even if I am right now just confused and rebelling. I don't wanna rebel but really, everything is just not adding up :'(

 

[Dogma]

When and where did God tell you that you were to become a nurse?

 

[guilbautedsookie]

I was on a cab that time and God spoke to me and told me "I will be a nurse"

 

[Dogma]

Were you under the influence of alcohol or other substances at or around the time of this experience? Were you experiencing congestion in your ears or sinus? Were you sleep deprived? Were you dreaming?

People hear things all that aren't there all the time, yet they will claim to their grave that what they are hearing or experiencing is real. The human mind is extremely susceptible to suggestion/ delusion, especially if you are expecting them to happen (People tend to see/ hear what they want to see/hear). In addition, human memory is extremely fallible. When we form memories, our brains don't actually take snap shots of the events. In fact, every time you remember something, your brain is actively reconstructing and filling in details that may or may not have ever been there. If memory wasn't fallible, a single eyewitness testimony at a court case would be enough to convict people to life sentences without any other evidence.

 

[PopClick]

If memory wasn't fallible, a single eyewitness testimony at a court case would be enough to convict people to life sentences without any other evidence.

This statement dismisses the possibility of the witness lying.

 

[Dogma]

This statement dismisses the possibility of the witness lying.

Of course, thanks for pointing that out