Whats happening to me!!

[AllenDuckett]

Well if you can understand whats going on with me, i will be amazed. Hmmm where to start, I got saved at 20, i was so strong for the Lord, i remember never wanting to seperate. Ever. Then slowly its like i started drifting and getting involved with girls. Then soon it was sex. I joined the navy, and i remember praying before i went, and imagining running from my sin, and not giving in, i felt like it was a test of God. But i failed. I tryed to fight, but i would go into sin. I am not bad looking ya know,

So girls were so easy to pick up. But i remember crying out to God, and asking him, why am i doing this, I know its wrong, why am i smoking, why am i chasing girls its wrong. But its like i would go right back to it. And soon i started to feel like im the worst Christian, becuase i sinning on purpose. Buts its like it had a hold on me. But i knew i had to go back to him. Everytime i saw someone preaching on the Lord, i felt convicted, but i never denyed our Father, i always listened to them, and told them my situation.

Now i am 23, its been 3 years since my reborn date. I started feeling physically week. Almost like i would die. I couldnt sleep when i sinned purposely, i kept getting panic attacks as if God would snatch me out of this world at any moment, and i knew it was from sin. Or at least I think so. So i went back to Chruch, and confessed and repented. And the closer i Got to God, the more it hurts now. The more i see who i was, and what I did. And i hate myself for it. Heres the strange part. Im in so much pain. My heart feels hard or something. I have difficulty breathing, and a heaviness. I dont know if it is the lord Chastening. But i heard other people tell me, it is impossible to repent unless God is leading you to do it. But why do I feel like he is not here waiting for me. Like maybe i went to far, and he has no sacrifice left for me, or this is my punishment. I never denyed he was Christ, but i did, sin sometimes on purpose, out of weakness and lust. I wish i could take it all back. I hate sin, i never want to do it again, i just want to serve Jesus.

What shoud I do, why do i feel this pain, will God take me back? Man i wish i never backslid. I want to be Holy. I want to be in Gods family for real. I feel the spirit, sometimes, but sometimes i think im just imagining, but this peace comes over me, and something tells me not to give up, and to keep seeking Jesus, is that my faith?? or just head knowledge? Someone please help me.. Im going crazy chasing God. I want his touch again.

 

[Musilany]

One thing you can be sure about, if trully repent with you heart the Lord will always forgive you, no matter how many terrrible things you have done....The problem with sin is that God can forgive us easily, the biggest problem is us you to forgive ourselves...
What I suggest for you is to fast, believe me it helps a lot. FAst and pray that God will take this guit away and that everything you've done be used so that you won't do it again and that you can share you testemony with people of How terrible it is to be away from God.....
Also try to not to think about it much and just focus on God and what he has for you now and in the future. Conviction is from God, guilt is not, the enemy wants you to feel this heaviness in your heart so its hard for you to feel God and the Hope HE has for you....

 

[silverwind]

Isaiah 43:25
"I, even I am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more."

another great verse:

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who have a contrite spirit.

If God chooses to forget our sins, shouldn't we not look back either? You can have true joy in knowing you are indeed forgiven.

 

[mrpower]

Mate, the world is a tough place and you sound like you've got some killer monkeys riding on your shoulder.
Silverwind is spot on. God doesnt remember our sins man. And Jesus died for everyone.. from the meek and mild, to the mass rapist to the Hitlers and Stalins of our world.. did you kill 10s of millions of people?
Something that I found I had to do was work specifically to take down stronghold in my life.
When i came back to God he came in and cleaned house.. but there we're still stronghold of lust and drugs over my life, so when i was walking along, demons could come straight back to those places and poke away again.
Something a strong woman in faith taught me was specufic prayer and the power of giving something to God instead of asking him to do something.
I used to pray every night and whenever I felt the need, "Lord I give you my lust. You died so I don't have to carry it anymore, Thank you for your grace and loving mercy that you forgive me"
And it helped. I gave over that area of my life again and again, getting more and more specific as God took parts of the stronghold away. As he took more, I gave more, until not it is nothing but a memory.
I'm still tempted, sometimes I even fall, but Jesus is always there to pick me up and take my sin from me again.
He wants to take it from you man, to me, and i imagine to Jesus.. it's a slap in his face to hold onto it. He went through the worst thing imaginable to take sin from us.. seperation from the father "my God my God, why has thou forsaken me"
So give it to him my friend. Start naming the things you need to give to him every day and declare it in the name of our powerful God.
God bless man, if you need to talk feel free to message me.

 

[Servantofiam]

I understand you completely. I sometimes over think the simplicity of salvation and that causes me to step away from grace and then that causes immense stress on my heart and mind. I believe it is the chastening of the Lord which is a great thing, because God chastens those whom He loves. Some nights I can't sleep or breath properly because I don't feel like God can put up with me. But if I being wicked can forgive another human of the sins I commit then God who is far more forgiving than me can forgive me of the same sin. Another thing I've really come to understand and realize is that all our sin is forgiven, God knows we are sinners if He clicked His fingers and made us perfect as soon as we repented His glory could not be revealed in us justly. We being sinners and remaining sinners live our lives seeking after God and spiritual things and in that struggle the glory of God is revealed. Wickedness does not seek righteousness, if you seek God it is because He has already called you and God does not call His children in vain. Keep up the fight against sin, but always remember that does NOT save you, faith is Jesus Christ being the Son of God saves you not your fight against sin. Hope this helps and keep praying because God is there always, it's you that has stepped back.

 

[Lyndies]

I know exactly how you feel--I've been in an addiction. The only thing I can tell you is that you have to realize YOU HAVE BEEN SET FREE. Seriously. Jesus dealt with all of those temptations--faced each one. And then He defeated them when He defeated all of Satan's work.

You only feel like you're in bondage to these things because Satan can lie his butt off and make you think that you're addicted to this thing. But you're not. Jesus set you free. The victory is His and in Him, it's yours, too.

Read thaat last bit of Ephesians about the armor of God. Jesus is all of those things. He is the ARMOR. And in Him, we have victory over all things.

Just call out to Him for his STRENGTH and not your own. And live like you have been set free.

I hope that helps. I have more Bible verses about it if you're interested. :]

 

[royalty86]

I think that it's just your guilt making you feel that you can't move forward, but that is just a trick of the enemy. When you repent to the Father, He has forgiven you and cast your sins away as far as the east is from the west. I agree with another poster who mentioned it's about forgiving yourself, which can be hard. You have to forgive yourself for your past so that you can move on to your future. God will take you back, in fact if you have repented, He already has. Don't let the enemy make you believe that you messed up so badly that God doesn't want you or love you or anything like that. It's all lies.

Remember this...... "So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. The Law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin's control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins.
-Romans 8:1-3 NLT Version

 

[Wonderland]

Hey Allen,

What is helpful to me when I get caught up in all the mistakes I have made is this:

I pick a moment. Many times it is communion at church, but it can be a moment of prayer where you ask for forgiveness as well. During that time I confess every bit of sin I can think of that I have committed recently, and I imagine handing God all that "bad stuff." Then I picture Jesus taking it all upon him as he is hanging on the cross. Then I envision myself perfectly pure and clean (because I am!) Then I recognize that in that moment I am completely sinless, the past is gone, there is nothing sinful on or in me in that moment. Then I ask God to help me move forward and not look back, and definately not to look back on the filth I just became free of.

I am a "visual" person, so actually imagining the sin being lifted off me and onto Jesus helps. It also helps me to not be bogged down with my past bad choices (and I mean everything from swearing at my dog to looking at a person lustfully, etc.) and allows me a freedom to make good choices for today without feeling hopeless about all the mistakes I have made.

Make sense?

I hope that helps. Be blessed.

 

[jailhouselounge]

Hiya Bro,

I have, to be honest, felt and have been this way before. I fell back and forth, on and off as you did. I've had my own set of addictions and bondage to sin. I would really feel TERRIBLE whenever I'd fall back because I've already asked for forgiveness in these areas and yet I still fail. It came to a point where I asked God to truly free me and by this I mean total surrender to Him. All my "evil" desires and thoughts I left it all to Him because I can't and am not strong enough on my own (I don't think anyone is) to win this battle. And through this I believe that I am truly free from the sins that bound me. How? Well, just ask God to forgive and free you and be willing to give everything up (yes I know it's EXTREMELY HARD) it is possible through Him! Read the Bible. I'm not too sure but it reaffirms me of the promises I made to God and His promises for me and through this I find strength. This doesn't mean you won't get tempted or anything anymore but I promise you, you'll find drastic change in the way you handle and think through circumstances, making it SO hard for you to even fail once you put God first.
That's my shot at it.. God bless~

 

[saintlouis]

you need god. he loves u! and you need open your heart