I got myself into a very delicate situation, any advice would be welcomed

[Lexie0]

Oh boy, I don’t know what I did today. Ok, so I work for a bank and I want to transfer to another branch because well, I’ve been having issues with my current manager. The problem is I guess, I shouldn’t have specified exactly why I wanted to transfer to this other manager, because I was put in a very embarrassing situation. Let me give you some background info first.
Basically my current boss has been asking me out probably ever since I started working there but he always said it jokingly, matter of fact he says everything jokingly so most of the time ppl can’t really tell whether he is serious or not; He has a lot of sex jokes that make me feel very uncomfortable as a Christian and as a person, but everybody else usually laugh at it. I’m the one that’s “too serious” according to all my coworkers but really, I’ve never worked with somebody like that before. However, about a month ago, he definitely went too far with me.
He followed me to my car and as I got inside, he jumped in on the passenger side and startled me. I was really in shock, so I finally told him yes we can go out to a restaurant but it had to be right at the moment; he wasn’t ready so he asked me to text him my address later that night. I did agree, so that he could get off my car. To my huge surprise, he texted me with an interrogation mark about an hour and a half after, he was waiting for me to send my address. I realized this man is REALLY serious. I didn’t sleep that night and that was the turning point for me. The next day I told him not to text me anymore otherwise I am calling HR on him. And I said that in front of everybody because they KNOW what is going on (mind you none of my coworkers reacted to that-this is another subject I will talk about separately). He got mad and told me he was joking with me- (I didn’t buy it of course). I was in an abusive relationship before and feel like I have to defend myself now if I feel threatened like that, so I guess people may feel like I overreacted. This happened over a month ago. Since then we don’t talk to each other at work and the situation is very tense. I just can’t stand him anymore
So I asked to transfer to this other branch two days ago, and I really couldn’t find anything else to say than the truth to this other manager. It really just came out. I told him my manager asked me out. I didn’t go into the details but he asked me to talk to HR, I said noway. But I would have never thought that he would take it to the district manager. So this morning, he came to our branch and called me to the office; I was in shocked when he asked if it was true, so I first said no, and then I said yes. He got mad coz I lied in to him in the first place but really I didn’t mean to throw the guy under the bus. I just wanted a transfer, OMG! He asked me to write a statement basically explaining what I said earlier. I didn’t lie but I Really didn’t want to take it this far. I did tell him the guy stopped harassing me when I told him I was gonna call HR. I don’t want him to lose his job because of me.

I really don’t feel good about all this I don’t know what I should do. The DM also told me somebody will contact me to investigate this. Any advices for me???

Thanks a lot!

 

[jinx]

wow sugar. That's rough. The cat is out of the bag whether you like it or not and if I was you I would do as your district manager suggest. Sexual harassment is a very serious offence, and if the investigation proves that he has indeed done this to other maybe before you even, you could help society get a pervert off the street. Another thing to consider, what if he is a stalker ready to stalk you. The police cant do anything without documentation such as police reports and stuff in their system. I would get a notebook, write down everything that has happened in detail, time dates, conversations ect, to keep on hand just in case it goes further into court. I know it sounds scary, but your life is worthy of extra pro-caution. Don't be bullied into thinking your over reacting. The dude jumped in your car for Pete sake. next time it could be through your window.

 

[MrsAsghar]

Wow, so sorry to hear about this. I hear about things such as this happening all the time.

For starters I have to say that I am proud of you for having the strength to not give in and to laugh at this persons sex jokes. To begin with, that right there is a red flag on it's own, he is by no means allowed to tell such jokes in any work place. To my understanding it is law now. By him doing so, he could have been and actually should have been turned in for doing so. Someone could have spoke up first and reminded him that he is not allowed to talk of such things and also that it makes others uncomfortable, then if he didn't stop, then he should have been reported. By reporting this man, you or anyone else would have done nothing wrong, HE is the one in the wrong so no one there should feel bad for reporting such behavior.

I can understand fully how you feel about not wanting to get him fired, I would feel the same way and I believe everyone deserves a second chance, so he should be allowed to straighten his act up and redeem himself and make the work place a better and more comfortable atmosphere. After being reported, if he chooses to do so again or continues acting in this manner, then it is no ones fault but his own if he loses his job. It is a choice that he made.

The only thing I can see that is going to make this difficult for you, is the fact that when this other person came to the office to talk to you about the situation, you first told him NO that it didn't happen, you really hurt yourself by doing so. So I pray that as things continue that they will be understanding of your situation and be forgiving of your lie. It is always better to tell the truth no matter what.

But you are doing a very brave thing and I am proud of you for going through with this. From what you have said it is plain to see that he wasn't joking. He knew exactly what he was doing and used those words to cover up what he was doing. It's the same as if someone makes fun of you or hurts your feelings and then tries to cover it up with , "I was only kidding". No they weren't, they knew what they were doing and knew it would hurt and it was wrong and did it anyway.

If you wouldn't have asked for the transfer or spoke up about this, makes you wonder just how far this guy would have gone. One never knows now days about anyone, he could have ended up stalking you or taking things really way too far. It is best that it is all coming out now. And it will also save another female from going through this with him later on, and she might not know how to handle any of it and could end up seriously hurt.

So please be strong and trust God to be with you and give you the strength needed to face the up coming days. Everything will work out according to Gods plan. And if somehow you manage losing your own job because of all of this, just know that everything is in Gods control and He allowed it to happen for a good reason, and that He has something better for you ahead.

God bless and stay safe Praying that everything works out perfectly.

 

[danschance]

You have done nothing wrong. He will not stop until he realizes his chances with you are zero. To do that, you need to purse it with HR. That is sexual harassment. As a Christian, you do not want to get involved with an unbeliever and especially one who is talking about sex frequently. This is not your fault and you have done no wrong.

The fact that you are so concerned about this situation tells me you are either very sensitive or you may of been physically or verbally abused as a child. As a Child you may of felt the abuse was your fault, it was never your fault, don't be afraid. Let HR handle it for you. In the future, do not say yes when you mean no because now he is thinking he has a budding relationship with you and may encourage him to further pursue you. Make sure you tell HR everything and how it made you feel and why you agreed to give him your address. Hold nothing back. God bless.

 

[rillolion]

Your gonna hate my answer. women shouldn't work with men. Women in the workplace is a big problem and nobody wants to address it. Most adultery and "hooking up" happens at work. if we were separate from the world as Christians like were supposed to be...we'd be taking care of widows and single mothers and women. Look at the Amish...they don't have that problem....only one example. We are actually supposed to be set apart like them. Sharing in communities...westernized christianity is sooooo far from what Yahweh wanted it's sickning. Don't believe me??
Ok for example...your a grown women...and you were actually scared to say no! Your a women right....right....what happened to the "strong independent woman"?....then u lied again.....weak...and please I'm stating facts I'm not trying to be rude...I'm really not. Now you can actually be in trouble...he can lie n twist it, since hour credibility is in question now.

But your out there...sooo u gotta pray n let Yahweh above it.
We need to protect our women and daughters...stop sending them away to secular college to be brainwashed and raped, and stop believing the lie women are made like men to handle the working environment..just because u can doesn't mean u should...
Meantime if your married let your husband work or get a job around women or start your own business ...one more thing...how do u areas at work tight clothing?...cleavage? Sometimes it doesn't matter...but most times it does....


Death to liberal christianity...and westernized confirmation



Shalom

 

[rillolion]

How do u dress at work*

 

[Ugly]

Oh boy, I don’t know what I did today. Ok, so I work for a bank and I want to transfer to another branch because well, I’ve been having issues with my current manager. The problem is I guess, I shouldn’t have specified exactly why I wanted to transfer to this other manager, because I was put in a very embarrassing situation. Let me give you some background info first.
Basically my current boss has been asking me out probably ever since I started working there but he always said it jokingly, matter of fact he says everything jokingly so most of the time ppl can’t really tell whether he is serious or not; He has a lot of sex jokes that make me feel very uncomfortable as a Christian and as a person, but everybody else usually laugh at it. I’m the one that’s “too serious” according to all my coworkers but really, I’ve never worked with somebody like that before. However, about a month ago, he definitely went too far with me.
He followed me to my car and as I got inside, he jumped in on the passenger side and startled me. I was really in shock, so I finally told him yes we can go out to a restaurant but it had to be right at the moment; he wasn’t ready so he asked me to text him my address later that night. I did agree, so that he could get off my car. To my huge surprise, he texted me with an interrogation mark about an hour and a half after, he was waiting for me to send my address. I realized this man is REALLY serious. I didn’t sleep that night and that was the turning point for me. The next day I told him not to text me anymore otherwise I am calling HR on him. And I said that in front of everybody because they KNOW what is going on (mind you none of my coworkers reacted to that-this is another subject I will talk about separately). He got mad and told me he was joking with me- (I didn’t buy it of course). I was in an abusive relationship before and feel like I have to defend myself now if I feel threatened like that, so I guess people may feel like I overreacted. This happened over a month ago. Since then we don’t talk to each other at work and the situation is very tense. I just can’t stand him anymore
So I asked to transfer to this other branch two days ago, and I really couldn’t find anything else to say than the truth to this other manager. It really just came out. I told him my manager asked me out. I didn’t go into the details but he asked me to talk to HR, I said noway. But I would have never thought that he would take it to the district manager. So this morning, he came to our branch and called me to the office; I was in shocked when he asked if it was true, so I first said no, and then I said yes. He got mad coz I lied in to him in the first place but really I didn’t mean to throw the guy under the bus. I just wanted a transfer, OMG! He asked me to write a statement basically explaining what I said earlier. I didn’t lie but I Really didn’t want to take it this far. I did tell him the guy stopped harassing me when I told him I was gonna call HR. I don’t want him to lose his job because of me.

I really don’t feel good about all this I don’t know what I should do. The DM also told me somebody will contact me to investigate this. Any advices for me???

Thanks a lot!

Throw the guy under the bus? Are you kidding? Your boss was breaking the law. He's a jerk, a manipulator, a liar. And you're worried about 'throwing him under the bus'? You should've threatened a sexual harassment law suit a long time ago. You took a very passive approach to this whole situation and allowed yourself to be harassed, bullied and manipulated. And now that his reprehensible actions are being brought to light YOU feel guilty?

 

[BrittanyJones]

You aren't alone!! It's very, very hard but you will save other girls from being harassed by him! It's unlikely you are/will be the only girl he has done/will do this too. You may not get a personal thank you, but just remember you are helping others by reporting him.

I had a similar situation where the supervisor was doing similar things. He was trying to get me alone with him, and even not have me leave when everyone else did until a man came and said, why is she still here? I was very upset at the words he was saying to me, and the constant comments of being beautiful. He also kept asking where I lived and if he could drive me home. Everyday I told him, "No, I drove here."

I was VERY upset and a cc chatter prayed with me for a long time. Two days later I got a letter in the mail that I was not obligated to do this particular work anymore.

 

[BrittanyJones]

*You should have posted this in woman's forum. Men have NO IDEA about this stuff.*

 

[SeanS]

Lexie, This is part of being a Christian, we must live on moral principles no matter the cost. That's why Paul, when writing to the Corinthians, encouraging them to stay strong against trials and persecutions in 1 Corinthians 16:13 wrote:

'Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong',

And just as Jesus said in John 15:20:

'Remember the word that I said to you, ‘A slave is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you'.

The people hated Jesus because he held them accountable to a moral standard they didn't like, and that's exactly what you tried to do with your manager.

Having said that, you should have let him know you felt uncomfortable with the way he was acting from the get go, then you would have been able to say 'he continued acting in an unprofessional manner after I told him that I was uncomfortable with it'. And you shouldn't have given him your number thinking that would make him go away. I don't understand why women do that. Trust me, the last thing a guy like that needs is encouragement, that will only increase his persistence.

Nor should you have denied the allegations you made, it only makes your testimony seem untrustworthy, that's why Christ said in Matthew 5:37 'let your yes be yes and your no be no'

Now, legally and morally it is your right even, your responsibility to report all that he has done to those in charge of him. He has obviously made others (who haven't reported him) feel uncomfortable in the past but as a Christian it is your responsibility to stand for what is true, Ephesians 6:14 says 'Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place'. And if he loses his job based on his managers assessment of the truth that has nothing to do with you. If his actions were deemed unprofessional by his boss then he is unqualified for the job, and the managers deserve a right to have the information on which to make that decision.

And as I said before, if you are hated for standing for God's righteousness, rejoice as your reward is great in heaven.

Matthew 5:11-12 'Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you'

 

[Hungry]

*You should have posted this in woman's forum. Men have NO IDEA about this stuff.*

How about a little credit Brittany? Lexie0, you didn't do anything wrong that I can see. People need to keep their professional lives professional and he never should have put you into that situation. He did need to be taken to task and I am certain you will not be the only person he will do this to. People like that have no right being in authority. I have a wife and daughters and I'm glad there is policy and consequences for people who abuse their position, especially in this manor. Why should people have to start over somewhere else just because they are attractive?

 

[Lexie0]

Well you see, it looks like he has done this to all my female coworkers, as I used to hear them joke about it. You see, my coworkers really don't mind him asking them out or joking inappropriately about the way they dress.
When I first started I was amazed at the relationship he had with this other girl at work. At some point I thought they were going out because they were clearly flirting in front of everybody and I dt know if they thought he was just kidding but that was a big red flag for me already. I mean the guy is married with kids and the girl clearly didn't mind at all I guess she felt special or something. So he clearly has done that with all if them but they just think he is " funny". Thats why I was never really able to fit in the group anyway.
Like I said, they know exactly what's going on and one thing also is that he does it in plain sight. All this I'm telling you about is not done behind closed doors. He asked me out in front of everybody, earlier that day, he had told me he had dreams about me, when I asked him what kind of dreams, he told me I should come to his office, he'll tell me more. He said all that in front of everybody. This other girl just told him jokingly to stop bothering me.
So i guess he has been successful in making it seem natural for him to say those things in public because I don't think they will ever throw him under the bus. He has done this several times and nobody never said anything. But with me he went too far.

 

[Lexie0]

Someone could have spoke up first and reminded him that he is not allowed to talk of such things and also that it makes others uncomfortable, then if he didn't stop, then he should have been reported. By reporting this man, you or anyone else would have done nothing wrong, HE is the one in the wrong so no one there should feel bad for reporting such behavior.

Everybody knows what's going on. If something should have been reported it would have been way before I even started. My coworkers really don't mind his jokes! It is unbelievable how they respect him or maybe fear him? I don't understand it myself. When I tell my coworkers that I'm not comfortable with him talking these kind of things to me, they say I should relax, he is just joking. I'm like really?? These people are really crazy!

The only thing I can see that is going to make this difficult for you, is the fact that when this other person came to the office to talk to you about the situation, you first told him NO that it didn't happen, you really hurt yourself by doing so. So I pray that as things continue that they will be understanding of your situation and be forgiving of your lie. It is always better to tell the truth no matter what.

IF it's going to come back to me (the fact that I first lied) so be it. I didn't go to him in the first place. He didn't hear it from me, so it's not like I personnaly filed a complaint against the guy. I don't care what they come up with during the investigation i just want to get out of that place.

Yesterday nobody was talking to me at work, I'm pretty sur they know what's going on. I just find it funny that I'm now the one at fault in their eyes because I told the truth, even though I didn't mean for this to happen.

 

[Lexie0]

Throw the guy under the bus? Are you kidding? Your boss was breaking the law. He's a jerk, a manipulator, a liar. And you're worried about 'throwing him under the bus'? You should've threatened a sexual harassment law suit a long time ago. You took a very passive approach to this whole situation and allowed yourself to be harassed, bullied and manipulated. And now that his reprehensible actions are being brought to light YOU feel guilty?

It does feel like I am the one at fault because nobody really talks to me aymore at work because of this. They now treat me like a stranger in my own place of work, which I find funny. If something should happen to him, it would be my fault according to them. So at this point I just wanna get out of that place.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Oh boy, I don’t know what I did today. Ok, so I work for a bank and I want to transfer to another branch because well, I’ve been having issues with my current manager. The problem is I guess, I shouldn’t have specified exactly why I wanted to transfer to this other manager, because I was put in a very embarrassing situation. Let me give you some background info first.
Basically my current boss has been asking me out probably ever since I started working there but he always said it jokingly, matter of fact he says everything jokingly so most of the time ppl can’t really tell whether he is serious or not; He has a lot of sex jokes that make me feel very uncomfortable as a Christian and as a person, but everybody else usually laugh at it. I’m the one that’s “too serious” according to all my coworkers but really, I’ve never worked with somebody like that before. However, about a month ago, he definitely went too far with me.
He followed me to my car and as I got inside, he jumped in on the passenger side and startled me. I was really in shock, so I finally told him yes we can go out to a restaurant but it had to be right at the moment; he wasn’t ready so he asked me to text him my address later that night. I did agree, so that he could get off my car. To my huge surprise, he texted me with an interrogation mark about an hour and a half after, he was waiting for me to send my address. I realized this man is REALLY serious. I didn’t sleep that night and that was the turning point for me. The next day I told him not to text me anymore otherwise I am calling HR on him. And I said that in front of everybody because they KNOW what is going on (mind you none of my coworkers reacted to that-this is another subject I will talk about separately). He got mad and told me he was joking with me- (I didn’t buy it of course). I was in an abusive relationship before and feel like I have to defend myself now if I feel threatened like that, so I guess people may feel like I overreacted. This happened over a month ago. Since then we don’t talk to each other at work and the situation is very tense. I just can’t stand him anymore
So I asked to transfer to this other branch two days ago, and I really couldn’t find anything else to say than the truth to this other manager. It really just came out. I told him my manager asked me out. I didn’t go into the details but he asked me to talk to HR, I said noway. But I would have never thought that he would take it to the district manager. So this morning, he came to our branch and called me to the office; I was in shocked when he asked if it was true, so I first said no, and then I said yes. He got mad coz I lied in to him in the first place but really I didn’t mean to throw the guy under the bus. I just wanted a transfer, OMG! He asked me to write a statement basically explaining what I said earlier. I didn’t lie but I Really didn’t want to take it this far. I did tell him the guy stopped harassing me when I told him I was gonna call HR. I don’t want him to lose his job because of me.

I really don’t feel good about all this I don’t know what I should do. The DM also told me somebody will contact me to investigate this. Any advices for me???

Thanks a lot!

Why are you protecting him?! This whole thing will probably end up costing you your job and nothing will happen to him. Right now he can sue you and say that you are trying to defame his character and you will have little to stand on in a court because you did not file any real complaint against him.

 

[Lexie0]

Why are you protecting him?! This whole thing will probably end up costing you your job and nothing will happen to him. Right now he can sue you and say that you are trying to defame his character and you will have little to stand on in a court because you did not file any real complaint against him.

EVERYBODY at work knows how he is and what he is doing. I know they don't like that I talked about this, but I'm pretty sure at least one of them would stand for me. Because they've tried covering him all this time so if he's going to sue me I would like to believe that at least one person at work would stand for me.

 

[MidniteWelder]

It does feel like I am the one at fault because nobody really talks to me aymore at work because of this. They now treat me like a stranger in my own place of work, which I find funny. If something should happen to him, it would be my fault according to them. So at this point I just wanna get out of that place.

If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own.
As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world

 

[zeroturbulence]

EVERYBODY at work knows how he is and what he is doing. I know they don't like that I talked about this, but I'm pretty sure at least one of them would stand for me. Because they've tried covering him all this time so if he's going to sue me I would like to believe that at least one person at work would stand for me.

I hope you are right, but my point is that you really should file an official complaint at this point because now the company is investigating this.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Well on the bright side, at least you did tell the manager about it. That is one fact that you can count on if you need to.

The truth is that most companies cannot just transfer someone because they request it. There has to be an open position that matches the skills or title of the person. The company now knows that you are being harassed and that is a very serious matter to them. They need to see if this person has indeed been harassing others and if so, they need to get official statements from other employees so they can refer to them if they need to fire him and he decides to sue for wrongful termination.

 

[MidniteWelder]

I hope you are right, but my point is that you really should file an official complaint.

I would have to agree with zero
Since the can of worms has been opened at work so to speak, to silence the situation would be to bury the hatchet with your manager, but then likely he would look for a way to push you out for fear of accusations against him again at a later date.
As it is right now, since the occurrence has been brought to light, it would be just on your part to follow it through.
Many people feel that turning the other cheek means to give in to our enemies or adversaries.
I don't believe that means to back down from standing up for whats right.
The bible also calls us not to be a coward which means to also fight the good fight standing up for the Lord.

Try and understand, now that it has been mentioned your manager has made advances toward you, what would your companies position then be if they swept it under the rug?
They cant do so because both sides of the story should be heard.
For both sides to be heard they must have documentation from each party.
If tensions rise and your manager ended up firing you for some reason they would also have documentation in your defense to raise question if it appears a wrongful discharge.
As well if they decided to keep the manager as an employee, your company is wise in having documentation in the event another occurrence happens with a different employee in the future lest they themselves be sued for keeping harassing employees.
The documentation protects both you and the company you wish to be working for.
I've been in the workplace where some things are said jokingly, and it can be an uncomfortable situation to be in.
It happens to guys too.
And of course out of compassion we don't wish to throw someone under the bus for a momentary lapse of reason on their part if no harm is done and they don't understand what it is they do.
Perhaps HR may give him a talking to, perhaps a strike on his record, perhaps firing.
It is up to them.
But even if you transfer, your companies HR department would be good to talk to your manager so no future occurrences happen which will make other employees comfortable in the workplace.
I mean someone is likely going to fill the position you're leaving, right?