Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

[Donkeyfish07]

I have a date coming up. Its kind of a shot in the dark. He's my type, but he's not Christian (I know I know, yoke and all that. I don't need to be hounded down with replies, so please don't quote scripture to me, it will only annoy me). I'm taking a shot, but there are two things that I am wondering about. Will he accept that I don't want to have sex until marriage? And will he accept me even though I am epileptic? Its odd really how many guys will not date a decent girl just because she doesn't want to have sex. I could be the most beautiful, graceful, dream girl, but if I aint gonna put out, then see ya! I don't know if this guy will be like that.

I am decent person with flaws, and a conviction, but I feel like those two things will cause me to be single for the rest of my life. My epilepsy isn't going anywhere, nor is my promise to God going to be broken. It makes me feel like a leper. Guys look at me, 'why are you still single?!', well in my heart, I think because my conviction is causing me to have higher expectations of myself and with guys. What I am really looking for is acceptance. And its frustrating because I'm not attracted to many of the guys on the Christian sites, a few on there are really creepy :s The guys that I am attracted to on secular sites, most likely will not accept my conviction.

Is it deceitful to know that I will not have sex before marriage, and not tell the guy so he can make his mind up and reject me outright? Kind of feels like it. But I am more than a partner, I am more than physical. I am a whole person, with a heart and a soul. If he got to know me first- who I am, and who I am is good- then he may understand and accept me and my conviction.

I am frankly tired of waiting for a guy to drop out of the sky. I wasn't promised by God that He would put someone in my life, I didn't get any assurance like Abraham did. Thus it is not a matter of having faith that God will stay true to His promise. That indicates to me that I need to take matters into my own hands. I am unsure what that looks like right now. Maybe its just about taking a shot.

I think you should volunteer that outright. You may chase away quite a few guys but those are the ones you need to weed out anyway. I decided within the past year that I was going to quit having pre-marital sex and be celibate from now on, which was really difficult for me at first......I had a weak moment twice but I'm going to skip the first one because it's not relevant, I was just being a dumb guy on that one.

The next girl I dated I really really liked her, she was rough around the edges but had a lot of potential. I told her that I was celibate and all that but I didn't tell her right away, we were hanging out and semi-dating for about 2 or 3 months before I even brought it up......I got pretty attached to her over time and she was obviously a very sexual woman....I felt like if I didn't put out soon I would lose her for good.....so I caved on that one too. We obviously didn't work out (I broke it off with her in January). I could have avoided that entire scenario 100% by telling her I wasn't interested in pre-marital sex at the beginning......nothing else would have developed because I later found out that the main reason she was spending so much time with me to begin with is just because she wanted to sleep with me.

I haven't slipped up since that last one but I think telling someone that about yourself the second you know your interested is good because it makes it less likely that you will "Slip" up in a heat of the moment type deal after you get attached to the other person without discussing it.....also, there are guys out there that respect that in a woman. If you tell that to a guy that values that in a woman, he is going to find that extremely appealing.

 

[AsifinPassing]

... ....... ............ ..................... "Hi."

 

[homwardbound]

good point on Matthew 10 there.
Jesus never promised security (in worldly terms) because Christians are not to be conformed to the world, instead you will even be arrested and jailed.

yep, such as Paul was and said the word can't be bound, that the jail help and others were coming to the faith in Christ, not to worry.
Which brings home to me, be ready in season and out to give an account for my Joy

 

[homwardbound]

I know many others are probably well advanced and much more mature in this area, but God has brought some new revelation and insight into my life lately. Ive not looked past the outter cup of others, deeper to who is seated in their soul.. All my life ive only seen the outer cups.. gender, "societies positions" of where people belong, rather than looking deeper amd beyond to the one" true" authority in them.. Why have i never seen this before? students ready perhaps? I dont know.
the last couple of days i am seeing something ive never seen before..
seeing the Holy Spirit reaponding in a person with what is being poured in them from christ in Me.. I see the eyes light up, or if im reacting in the flesh, the Holy Spirit being grieved.. Im watching the Holy Spirit in people crying as they reject gods truth or coming into a deeper connection with God.. Ive been asking God to please help me see Him better on people and to be more sober "who" it is i am truly speaking to in them.. my sense of awareness of this is just taking shape, becoming informed about this and im seeing how important it is to praise and thank God in others .. that it ia truly god im thanking.. Blessong or cursing "him" in them., I hope this is making sense .. i know i am so far behind other people in this area but im thanking god for revealing what i have been so ignorant in my whole life.. i think for the first time im seeing christ seated in the soul of other people and not just a mound of flesh ... I know this sounds bad but im guilty of seeing this way and want to get it out of me.. Ive been asking for gods help on this area because inside i wasnt having an authentic love for others.. More masked by something else.. Pain? Fear? Rejection? Im not sure.. My heart has softened since this has happened.. i still cant see very well in it but ive been given a glimpse of it and i want to know more .. its amazing to me how god can take such a corruot state in me and untwist it.. Hes done this so many times and im always dumbfounded as i get further along in my growth in Him at how truly depraved ive been without Him..
im curious how many others have gone through this.. I know ive "heard" christ lives in others.., but ive never really looked past their outer cup to Him... I guess i was always looking for His reflection being poured out "to me" to help me identify who i was really dealing with in someone.. wich i humbly admit is prideful, arrogant, and quite self centered..
Im beginning to see christ is the authority! no matter how a person acts, christ in them is still my authority, he is who i am serving, talking to, responding to. Not tue fleah and blood but deeper than that, Christ.. No matter if the transformation of christ in them is seen fully yet.. he is still the one i serve, respect and am honoring... it is more about my conduct towards god and what he is doing in them not what the person who is not honoring god is doing.. i know im rambling here, im still trying to get this all straight in my head.. Years of corrupt thinking without gods thougjts has taken a toll but in chriat all tjings are made new. Restored and rebuilt..
im excited for tue first time in my life about seeing this new authority of God in others.. Submitting to Him as i would if it were his face i was seeing instead of the outercup of a person before me.. Im excited about responding to Him in others..
thiught i would write this out as i walk along this new path , this new insight is leading an extreme introvert out into the sunshine.. I stood on line today and talked to a complete stranger., just struck uo a conversation.. I never do that comfortably., today was very different

Awesome Sister and you might like this sight to take a deeper walk with our Messiah, Jesus Christ. I have been chewing on it for years, little bites at a time as I grow, and God reveals truth to me, here you go, and for whoever wants this too!!! Meat of the word, unto maturity in God's type of Love
F. J. Huegel:Bone of His Bone.Table of Contents

 

[homwardbound]

I think too much. I overthink about overthinking.

I think this is a symptom of not fully trusting God, because a portion of my overthinkingness (yes, I like making up words) is worrying and being anxious, which is not right. I just need to calm down.

with all the troubles that come along in this world, it is easy to get drowned out and become hard to trust God whom we do not see, even though once seen, and today no more.
So I hold onto this verse that helps to stay in trust, having a trust fund with God, knowing God will work out all things to God's good and thus me being in God by trust in God knowing it shall also work out for me to, someway some how, and that is my story and I am sticking to it
[h=3]John 16:33[/h]New King James Version (NKJV)

[SUP]33 [/SUP]These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

Christ overcame this world for us, so I am learning to count all things a Joy, whether it looks good or bad, for all I know the bad that I see as bad, might be for my good and has saved me from a worse bad,
Such as my latest conflict with Foreigners Gangrene, where I had surgery, spent 3 weeks in Hospital, and am now going through physical therapy. I never wanted this, but it is what it is, and somehow for my good, do not yet see it, just know it, because I believe God is not a tyrant, and is out for my good in him through his Son.
So it might just be a test, something like what happened to Job, if so, or not, so be it, I am sticking with God, no matter how emotionally upset I can get.
Hoping and praying for us all to be able to do this as we grow in this amazing Love from God to us all here on earth

Over thinking, always got me in troubles, and God is teaching me not to overthink. It is kind of like starring at a dot on the wall, and after a while of just focusing on that, it has become gigantic, such as what thinking does, now when I take my eye off the dot, blink and look back at the dot, it is amazingly back to the size that it was originally
Hope this might help, you as God will never leave you nor forsake you

 

[homwardbound]

When I was @ work earlier, I was doing some thinking. Is it good to have a job @ which u cry @ every day, no matter the mood I am in when I arrive.Is there something wrong with me? Should I just quit the Job? Or should I just quit cutting the onions!!!

It hurts while cutting the onion, yet when one gets to the center it is as sweet as can be. We will go through trials and tribulations, and cry a lot or even get angry, yet if we seek to learn from God through Christ, we shall learn truth and be set free to be as your saying says "Your closet will be a place of prayer and intimacy with God or it will be a place of sin"
Love it and is so true, may I use your saying?

 

[homwardbound]

I have a date coming up. Its kind of a shot in the dark. He's my type, but he's not Christian (I know I know, yoke and all that. I don't need to be hounded down with replies, so please don't quote scripture to me, it will only annoy me). I'm taking a shot, but there are two things that I am wondering about. Will he accept that I don't want to have sex until marriage? And will he accept me even though I am epileptic? Its odd really how many guys will not date a decent girl just because she doesn't want to have sex. I could be the most beautiful, graceful, dream girl, but if I aint gonna put out, then see ya! I don't know if this guy will be like that.

I am decent person with flaws, and a conviction, but I feel like those two things will cause me to be single for the rest of my life. My epilepsy isn't going anywhere, nor is my promise to God going to be broken. It makes me feel like a leper. Guys look at me, 'why are you still single?!', well in my heart, I think because my conviction is causing me to have higher expectations of myself and with guys. What I am really looking for is acceptance. And its frustrating because I'm not attracted to many of the guys on the Christian sites, a few on there are really creepy :s The guys that I am attracted to on secular sites, most likely will not accept my conviction.

Is it deceitful to know that I will not have sex before marriage, and not tell the guy so he can make his mind up and reject me outright? Kind of feels like it. But I am more than a partner, I am more than physical. I am a whole person, with a heart and a soul. If he got to know me first- who I am, and who I am is good- then he may understand and accept me and my conviction.

I am frankly tired of waiting for a guy to drop out of the sky. I wasn't promised by God that He would put someone in my life, I didn't get any assurance like Abraham did. Thus it is not a matter of having faith that God will stay true to His promise. That indicates to me that I need to take matters into my own hands. I am unsure what that looks like right now. Maybe its just about taking a shot.

Take the shot and just be honest, as it goes along, if one cannot accept honesty, and give respect for it, then, in my opinion are not worth being a life-time partner, and we ourselves need to be honest back as the conversation calls for it.
Been together with my Wife 30 years now, and it has not always been a barrel of fun, yet has been honest, no hard feelings held, of Jealousy, or holding of any records of wrongs. Not easy to find here in this world today, but God delivered her to me and me to her, as God will deliver to you and you will know it when it is in front of you, and so will he.

 

[homwardbound]

Today, I remembered what I went through in prison. I also remembered swearing that I would never forget my hardships in there and I would never take for granted every minute of freedom I had when I got out. I swore that I would use every minute of my life wisely, not wasting a second. I swore that I would never eat like a glutton because I grew to be satisfied with the rations I was getting in prison. I swore I would write to the brothers I made in prison every month and remember them everyday. Why is it so easy to forget our hardships. And why is it so easy to live in idleness like the world wants us to? Man, I need to get up and remember what The Lord showed me in there. What the hell am I doing wasting this precious life that God gave me out of love? I swore that I would live EVERY MINUTE asking God to guide my next decision. Lord, why do I forget you as soon as it gets easy? Wake me up again Lord, please, cz You deserve better than what I'm giving You!

I am elated to here from you, long time my friend, just trust in God to do in you what you just said you can't do in self
maybe go to God right now, and say please God crucify me, my self with Christ your Son at the cross with your son and teach me to dead to myself flesh and alive to you in your Spirit God.
I know that this is what you did with Saul, who became Paul and with, Peter, with James, With Jude and all that came to believe in you
Born of the flesh, born sinful, born of the Spirit born perfect in the sight of God.
[h=3]John 3:5-6[/h]New King James Version (NKJV)

[SUP]5 [/SUP]Jesus answered, “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God.
[SUP]6 [/SUP]That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.

And now I see Father we are all first born here on earth of the flesh and no flesh will ever please you, only in Spirit are you worshipped and pleased, therefore Christ rose from the dead by your operation for us to be done the same, born again if we are willing first to die to self with Christ at the cross, since his death is our death to self, our self. Thus by this his resurrection is our resurrection in the new life living in the Spirit of you Father.
So Charlie, each day just bloom wherever you are planted and continue in the Love of God that you have received.
F. J. Huegel:Bone of His Bone.Table of Contents
Check out the sight above, and have a deeper walk in God, For I know God is permitting you to see this truth and how far the east is from the west, which is the depth of the Love of God to you, as God wants to reveal this to you, beyond your wildest dreams

1. John 4:23
   But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him.
   John 4:22-24 (in Context) John 4 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations
2. John 4:24 God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.”
   John 4:23-25 (in Context) John 4 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations
3. John 14:17 the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him; but you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you.
   John 14:16-18 (in Context) John 14 (Whole Chapter) Other Translations
4. John 16:13 However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come.
   
   

 

[homwardbound]

I would have to disagree with that, there are some situations which God is not in control of- mainly when it has to do with free will. I'm not talking about my situation in particular but when it comes to free will God has very little say and control over the matter. I am in control of stabbing myself right now (just an example, not really), God has little control over my action. It is a nice thought, and truly know you mean well, but its just reality that in some areas God is limited.

If it were not for free will, God could not ever be truthful in that God just love us all. Without free will we would be no more that Puppets on a string, and that is not what love is. Free will is Love from God the creator of all

 

[homwardbound]

Even when it comes to things out of my own control, such as a seizure. I can pray to God that He will stop it before I go unconscious, and I have. But I still go under. That has been my reality, I need to control what I can control because ultimately I can not be assured that God will rescue me.

Sister you believe God that what God did at the cross for you, then you are healed, whether in flesh or not is not the issue. The issue in your Soul, your born again Spirit. Better to be well with my Soul, than with my flesh.
Praying for you to be who you are, and for the issue of epilepsy to stop. As you see as the woman in Matt. 9 saw and did what she knew to do. This is for you as well, just what I see, not knowing when it will take place, just seeing it happen and telling you it shall be one day, a year or more from now, or right now, this is not revealed to me, but the healing is revealed, and this is between God and you.

 

[homwardbound]

Today I had a customer who MAJORLY sassed me and was just very, very rude. So much so, that after he left, the branch manager came up to me and asked if I was alright. It did leave me a bit flustered, though I was very calm during the whole ordeal. He said I handled it perfectly, though, and another coworker who saw it said I did a great job.

In a study I attend, we've been going through a video series on Philippians by Matt Chandler (which is excellent). Philippians discusses viewing others as better than yourself. I have taken that to heart, especially at work, but sometimes it's so hard when customers are rude or sassy (and I don't mean a fun sassy like I can be, I mean...a bad sassy). Yet, I try to be more like Jesus. I feel like I have to pretend at work, I have to pretend to be happy and cheerful when really I just want to give a rude customer an earful. But Jesus didn't lie or pretend, he just...worked with them through it, if that makes sense. I feel that God has been testing me in that area at work, because even if I'm nice to a customer when I'm with them, but in my heart, sarcasm and anger are present. And that is something I can tell God has been telling me I need to keep in check.

Or maybe, to trust God for God's reaction through you, you being out of the way as Paul described so well in Phil. 3
As you are studying this to put no confidence in your own flesh at all. So is it then really God telling you to be stronger in flesh or to just trust God to live through you in place of the self you grew up with. Saul grew up in the Law and was in the flesh better than anyone of us could ever be, if one wants or desires to put any confidence in the flesh, Paul more, and this is to show each of us to die with Christ at the cross of Christ, Christ's death, becomes our death that we might see the resurrected life, and thus we trust God in the Spirit of God and God lives through us, and works all out towards the good, even if it looks bad. Love you for seeing through this and reacting the way you reacted. Just ask yourself this, was I doing this reaction as in fear of losing my Job if I reacted badly. Was I doing this because I am learning to imitate Christ, which is very stressful.

Or am I participating with God through Christ?
Just some food for thought as you grow in the amazing grace given to all from God through the resurrected Chirst

 

[homwardbound]

I may very well be part of the most boring denomination in Christendom. The LCMS recently had its major convention and the topics they covered (like long-distance education) were rather... uninteresting. XD

Tell me what it is all about? What we are doing for God or what God has done for us all?
Are we creators or responders? Who is the creation and who is the creator?

 

[lil_christian]

Tomorrow's the big day we show our house...today, I'm going to paint shoes with my bible study, then it's neat-freak mode for me where I have to find a place for everything in my room and make sure it doesn't look super duper messy.

 

[arwen83]

Forgive my stupid annoying depressing posts. Need to vent. I think I'm having a down day- or past few days. My new med can exuberate feelings of anxiety and depression before it plateaux. Been feeling well overall past two weeks, and I dunno past few days, kind of went back a bit. I hope this stuff will actually work, I'd hate to come off it, just to go through this all again with another medication. A lot anxiety is about the car getting fixed; waiting for money. Hoping it won't break down on me. So forgive me and my stupid annoying depressing posts. I hope it will pass again, and be back to my cheery self. Its been a very long time since I haven't been so analytical, consumed with wanting control, and scared of the dangers that lie out in the world. I am wondering what it would be like not to be so concerned. If that is even possible in this life. Life was great as a child- the innocence and joy. One thing that gives me comfort is knowing that all this is temporary. I will truly find rest and safety in Heaven.

 

[zaoman32]

So...I don't know, I'm debating even putting this on here, but then again there's so many fake christians out there that prefer false joy and optimism to reality that I guess maybe it will do someone some good to know they're not alone...Anyway, here it goes I guess.

Last night was one of the best nights I've had in quite some time. Earlier in the week I was contacted by an acquaintance of mine that I've known for as long as I can remember. He is a worship leader and asked if I'd be interested in playing bass for his worship band at a prayer walk rally. Of course I agreed, and the rally was last night. It was probably the best worship experience I've had in a long time. Along with the worship, the church we were playing at was one in where I personally knew the pastor as well as a couple other leader there, and had some pretty harsh words for them in the past. However last night that was all gone. We set the differences aside and we all just loved on each other. And that's what really struck me last night, love.

After I played with the worship band a young hispanic lady came up and sang a couple worship songs that just overwhelmed me with Gods love. It was wonderful and I can't wait to experience again. In the meantime. Life sucks. I see this worship leader who invited me with his wife and kids and watch them interacting expecting to see those same looks of irritation I would always get when I was married, and they just weren't there. He was happy. His wife was happy. After nearly a year and a half of separation and over 7 months of being officially divorced, I'm still broken hearted. I wanted a wife to share my life with, and instead dealt with 5 years of being unhappily married, and another year of hearing her say "I love you" to other guys over the phone and never hearing it for myself.

I don't know what the future holds for me. I would like to find a wife. I know the wife I'm looking for and yet she seems so far out of reach. I could sit and be content waiting for her if it wasn't for certain people I know (non-christians obviously) constantly pressuring me to have one night stands and hooking up with women just to have a girl, or friend with benefits. I can tell them till I'm blue in the face that I'm not into that, but it gets harder and harder take the more I hear it.

I love this quote from our very own miss Arwen, "One thing that gives me comfort is knowing that all this is temporary. I will truly find rest and safety in Heaven." Some people may find it sad, or depressing, even defeatist. I don't. I see hope. I know my future. I know how this story will end. I know one day I'll be at peace with Jesus and this will all be meaningless.

 

[rachelsedge]

Tonight, sitting by a campfire, I got to catch up with a dear friend that I hadn't seen all week because she was away as a camp counselor. She is such a blessing in my life. Her, along with others where I am (my parents and others included) make me thankful that I am in Illinois. I very rarely say that I am thankful to be in Illinois, for many reasons, so it's kinda big for me to say that. I think I need to be thankful more often. I think I am here to get through the sludge. As much as it hurts to be here sometime, I know that this is a season of growth God has for me.

My heart is full right now. Amazing what friends in Christ can do for each other's souls. I can say that for many of you here on CC as well, as you have encouraged me also.

 

[arwen83]

I think my new favorite phrase will be 'top that puppy pants!'

 

[adekruif]

Every time I take a personality test I read the results and sit there in sheer amazement as the words on the screen describe my life nearly to a T. I kinda feel like i'm peering into my soul when I read a detailed description from one of these. Anyway,now I now what makes me attractive and makes me unattractive. And yes ladies, looks was def on the list of attractive features.

 

[arwen83]

Hebrews 13:2 “Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.” (NIV)

Sometimes I wonder if there are angels replying/praying on cc. That might be a late night obscure thought. Sometimes I've wonder if I've ever been in contact with one. I guess I'll see once the vail has been lifted what has been going on right in front of me yet I did not see.

 

[homwardbound]

Forgive my stupid annoying depressing posts. Need to vent. I think I'm having a down day- or past few days. My new med can exuberate feelings of anxiety and depression before it plateaux. Been feeling well overall past two weeks, and I dunno past few days, kind of went back a bit. I hope this stuff will actually work, I'd hate to come off it, just to go through this all again with another medication. A lot anxiety is about the car getting fixed; waiting for money. Hoping it won't break down on me. So forgive me and my stupid annoying depressing posts. I hope it will pass again, and be back to my cheery self. Its been a very long time since I haven't been so analytical, consumed with wanting control, and scared of the dangers that lie out in the world. I am wondering what it would be like not to be so concerned. If that is even possible in this life. Life was great as a child- the innocence and joy. One thing that gives me comfort is knowing that all this is temporary. I will truly find rest and safety in Heaven.

venting is a good thing it gets out the garbage to be able to see