J
I am really at the end of the road here. I am feeling like there is no point and I am actually considering just ending it all which is a sin in itself so I am conflicted. I'm so tired. I'm 39 years old and I can honestly say not one good thing had happened to me with the exception of my children in all those years. I have never felt true love. Every man has either used me or treated me like I am disposable. I have never had a friend in my life. People in general are mean and no one wants to be bothered with me (not even people at any church I go to). I have some major health issues. I am a failure. All I do is fail. I am afraid that since I was not meant to be anything or even a functioning person that this will carry over to my small children. I blame myself that I guess I am not good enough to be blessed or to even live any sort of a good quality life. I try to do everything I am supposed to. I pray. I have surrendered everything to God. I have asked for forgiveness. I try to be a good parent. What else can I do? Do I just keep living this way? Should I just somehow understand that this is what it is? Was my life meant to be nothing but struggle, pain and heartache? Is it possible that maybe I am just not important to God at the moment? Maybe my children and their father would be better off with someone else in their lives.