-
Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.
If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!
To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
S
In regards to the OP, unfortunately lust is in our sin nature. That's men and women. A boy/man is lying if he says he hasn't looked at a girl/woman with lustful intent, and it's exactly the other way around for women, too.
I think that for a lot of Christian males (or at least for me, anyway), it's a daily battle to deny our fleshly desires and seek after things of God, things of the spirit. You are not going to find a perfect person, so don't expect to, but instead look for someone who wants to be right with God and someone who's heart is in the right place, who doesn't want to sin. If you're trying to find a man who never lusts or sins, you're going to be extremely disappointed and you're going to spend a long time yearning for something you'll never have. Don't do that. Instead, try to find someone who chooses Christ over themselves. Then you will find the right guy.
And how do you find him? Well, just get to know someone you find interesting, and if he isn't up to scratch and they aren't on track with God then move on and try someone else.
I think that for a lot of Christian males (or at least for me, anyway), it's a daily battle to deny our fleshly desires and seek after things of God, things of the spirit. You are not going to find a perfect person, so don't expect to, but instead look for someone who wants to be right with God and someone who's heart is in the right place, who doesn't want to sin. If you're trying to find a man who never lusts or sins, you're going to be extremely disappointed and you're going to spend a long time yearning for something you'll never have. Don't do that. Instead, try to find someone who chooses Christ over themselves. Then you will find the right guy.
And how do you find him? Well, just get to know someone you find interesting, and if he isn't up to scratch and they aren't on track with God then move on and try someone else.
One thing I would like to add is that you (OP) are a teenager. Most people don't find the right one until later in life, these days. That's not to say that you WON'T get married and have a lasting marriage at a young age, it's just that statistically, people who marry young end up divorced. And that's because they took on responsibilities of taking care of each other before they took care of themselves first, individually. They hadn't thought about their own goals, desires and wants... then that becomes a justification for divorce once the desire is recongized. How can you know how to take care of your spouse, if you don't know how to take care of yourself?
Additionally, the college life has postponed maturity for many - you're basically handed shelter, food, etc - you just have to pay for it later. And I'm sorry, but nothing builds maturity quite like living on your own, paying rent, going grocery shopping, and learning how to cook. That's why I think, finding a mature person, who knows themselves and thus is ready for a meaningful relationship, would typically take a long time to come to. Again, I'm not saying that you will not find one sooner - but this has been my experience.
I echo the sentiments that you won't find a man who doesn't have lustful thoughts. Actually, I'd be a little concerned if my guy expressed no urge to take me - will the marriage bed then be a problem and devoid with passion? Something to think about.
Additionally, the college life has postponed maturity for many - you're basically handed shelter, food, etc - you just have to pay for it later. And I'm sorry, but nothing builds maturity quite like living on your own, paying rent, going grocery shopping, and learning how to cook. That's why I think, finding a mature person, who knows themselves and thus is ready for a meaningful relationship, would typically take a long time to come to. Again, I'm not saying that you will not find one sooner - but this has been my experience.
I echo the sentiments that you won't find a man who doesn't have lustful thoughts. Actually, I'd be a little concerned if my guy expressed no urge to take me - will the marriage bed then be a problem and devoid with passion? Something to think about.
I think you misunderstand me. If he didn't show that he was ATTRACTED to me, wasn't warm towards me, then a ring isn't going to change that and the marriage bed will not be satisfying. I know Christians are often Puritan about this subject, but sex is one of the things that holds a marriage together - Paul seemed to think so. There may come a time when you can't have sex, I understand that, but it's realy important in marrige. If you're not attracted to one another, you shouldn't get marriage. Or in the time of temptation, you'll sleep with someone you are attracted to. I dated a man who wasn't really affectionate like that one time - so glad it didn't work out.
Y
Yep. But I think that you shouldn't date till your in/out of college. The point of having relationship is to someday marry them, that's the intent. So, why date now? It causes drama, you sometimes go further then you wanted to go. Just focus on Jesus and wait... But don't just sit back and wait for your Romeo to come sweep you off your feet. Because that probably won't happen. I think everyone should watch the YouTube video (how do I know their "the one" -Jefferson bethke) it'll help!
C
hey i'm not perfect but i'm not what you call a perv. i didnt know people still use that term, course i have an old soul!! and proud of it!!! but seriously God has given me very special help to not do what other non-christian guys do, and even some christian guys. God has given me the ability to look a girl in the face, not the chest. and talk to her with out bringing sex in the conversation. like most guys my age. so i guess you could say that i'm a good christian guy.
I think many women who keep good guys like you in the friend zone didn't have a good father modeling how they should be treated as a lady, with love and respect. So they go after the guys who are like their father, because that's what they think they deserve (on a subconscious level of course). Or the girl could've been suffocated with hyper-religiousity, and so avoids the man who doesn't pursue her in a sexually/worldly way.
J
My advise would be not to worry so much about having a girlfriend. I know many people that have waited till they were in their 30's even to get married and were very happy. Most people I know who got married young had an overwhelming amount of responsibility thrown on them.
Also, some of the best marriages are those where the boy and girl started out as just friends.
I have been in that friend zone, but I am thankful for it, because if I wasn't, it would have left me in some very tempting situations. It is more of a blessing than you think, because ultimately you want to put Christ first in your life. Seek Him first and just pray that when the time comes you will meet someone. You are plenty young already so it is not something you have to even hugely worry about.
Be blessed and be that " Godly friend," because he will have a greater impact for Christ than being just the "boyfriend."
Also, some of the best marriages are those where the boy and girl started out as just friends.
I have been in that friend zone, but I am thankful for it, because if I wasn't, it would have left me in some very tempting situations. It is more of a blessing than you think, because ultimately you want to put Christ first in your life. Seek Him first and just pray that when the time comes you will meet someone. You are plenty young already so it is not something you have to even hugely worry about.
Be blessed and be that " Godly friend," because he will have a greater impact for Christ than being just the "boyfriend."
