Need marriage advice

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mrsbrewer

Guest
#1
#1
My husband and i have been married fr a year and a half, he is a youth ministries leader and an active member in our church. In that year and a half we have been married he has went out and used methamphetamine 6 times. Not only that but when he comes home he watches porn while im asleep and then wakes me up to have sex with him, and this is about the only time he will have sex with me, other than that he constantly watches porn while he is at work. Im fed up but i know this marriage is supposed to last forever, i just dont know how.
 
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mrsbrewer

Guest
#2
#2
Is no one willing to help me?
 
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Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
The forums are not real time chat. Responses can take anywhere from a few minutes to many hours. You have to be patient. If you are looking to seek help in real time, i suggest trying the chat rooms, not the forums. Avoid the Lounge as you won't get help there, try the Bible Study or Prayer rooms.
 
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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#4
#4
Why would he stop any of these behaviors if you are a willing participant in them. He's waking you up to have sex after he's watched porn and you're doing it, knowing what he's just done.
You also know he's doing meth and is a youth leader. Why haven't you said anything about that to someone in the church??
 
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mrsbrewer

Guest
#5
#5
This has only just come to my attention as of last night, yes I did wonder where he was all those times but i dare not detest the head of the household.I would ask him, where were you he would say out with friends. As for the porn, i guess i believed he would change, and i had no actual knowledge of him watching porn before he would have sex with me, if i did i would not have participated, even though it is the only time he has sex with me.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#6
#6
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
Why would he stop any of these behaviors if you are a willing participant in them. He's waking you up to have sex after he's watched porn and you're doing it, knowing what he's just done.
You also know he's doing meth and is a youth leader. Why haven't you said anything about that to someone in the church??
Click to expand...
What she said. ^
 
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mrsbrewer

Guest
#7
#7
Honestly right now im more worried about my marriage, he is great with kids, there is no issue there. This is about me and my husband, call it selfish, but i am the one asking for help here, not the church, the church will find out in due time, until then i need to know what i am supposed to do as a wife. I need actual marriage advise.
 
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tyke

Guest
#8
#8
hi mrs brewer. check your inbox. sent you a private message. would love to chat with you. my chat name is tyke. I am a 51 year old married lady. think maybe I can help. waiting to hear from you. you should have a notification on the top of your page. click on it please.
 
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tyke

Guest
#9
#9
this is tyke again. would love to try and help you. go to your private inbox messages. will chat with you there.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#10
#10
Of course you know, its more than likely all of this behavior was in place before you got married. And why would he change? You married him with it, and if he expressed no desire to quit, then he has no motivation to quit. You basically approved of his behavior when you married him.
Sorry you're going through this. I'm sure it's a horrible feeling. Might be time for you to step back and reassess your choices and what to do from this point on.
 
levi85

levi85

Senior Member
#11
Jul 2, 2013
8,578
2,180
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#11
will pray that your husband be freed from these kind of evil stuffs, Amen.
 
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paulsfam4

Guest
#12
#12
Make a stand ! say no to his behavior and have him start reading his bible! and post scripture around the house !! about this sin talk to your church leaders and have a prayer session with him confessing to this sin. put blocks on the internet.
 
Agricola

Agricola

Senior Member
#13
Dec 10, 2012
2,638
88
48
#13
The pastors and elders, whatever you call them should be notified, he is not in a fit position to be leading youth. If he was a govenment employed official put in charge of kids and they found out about his drug taking, then he would be suspended without question, so why should he continue to be in charge at church?
 
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Ugly

Guest
#14
#14
paulsfam4 said:
Make a stand ! say no to his behavior and have him start reading his bible! and post scripture around the house !! about this sin talk to your church leaders and have a prayer session with him confessing to this sin. put blocks on the internet.
Click to expand...
None of that will be effective if he doesn't admit he has problems and that his behavior is wrong. Trying to force someone to change is a surefire way to cause them to dig deeper into their sin. You can't force someone to read a bible. And blocking the internet only means he has to work harder to find what he wants. If he has a smartphone, just turn off Wifi and use 3g/4g. Or go somewhere that has free wifi and download things to take home to look at, even with the internet blocked.

Bottom line is nothing will work until he wants to change and until he admits he has a problem and needs help. Only then can boundaries, limitations and accountability be effective.
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#15
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
113
#15
His problem with meth will not go away without direct intervention. He has an addictive personality. There is no way he should have contact with kids at the church. He is engaging in criminal behavior.

You need to get help. You must seek help either from the church or from proper professionals before the situation deteriorates into something much, much worse. Meth is a terribly destructive drug.

Take action and take it now. You really do not have a marriage with a man on drugs. I seriously doubt his use is limited to six times. Six times he might admit to but I think you suspect its much more than that.

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
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pastac

Guest
#16
#16
You solicited advice on a website so you must be really scared and desperate. If the people you seek help from are not married they can't relate. 25 years with my wife and it has been a ride and a half to say the least, many storm weathered nothing loke this but i can relate. I have marriage counseling skills in my background. First things first.Leadership must know about his involvment in the suspected drug use today. You must be loving and wise as you seek God in this matter. Send me a private in box and I'll go over some things. Be cautious in seeking advice.
 
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presidente

Senior Member
#17
May 29, 2013
9,091
1,755
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#17
I think you should look at Matthew 18 and I Corinthians 5. I suggest a pastor at your church be one of the people you go to him with the second time if he hasn't stopped with the porn and drugs.
 
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savedandIknowit

Senior Member
#18
Sep 26, 2013
138
0
16
#18
This is too big of a problem to handle yourself, let the men of the church chastise him, you will be taking a stand on righteousness and especially if he is in the young peoples ministry it wont be long till his secret life will be found out, he will slip, you because you know about this have also a responsilility to these youth that they are safe, he is adulterating with the girls in the magazines and coveteous, it could eventually end up being real life and upon the youth girls he is surposedly "ministring" to. if you tolerate this its because you have a lack of respect for yourself because your husband and is coming in unto you for sex but he is turned on by other womens nakedness in his mind, instead of you, its not lovemaking with you his wife but for him you are being his "empty out" for his lustful purposes, Im sorry its the truth. you should find out if he has been unfaithful to you, the Meth no doubt will lead him to do that. Hes really dealing with the devil when he does that,
all I can say is all the best
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#19
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#19
Porn is like an useless addiction... if this "case" is real (though possible) I don´t dare to think too much on things going on...

:(
 
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tyke

Guest
#20
#20
if you have children that live with a man that is using meth, then there is a big issue! a man that is ministering to youth in a church, big issue! you cant be serious if your saying there is no issue there. you really need to open your eyes. I understand that you are hurting but it is selfish to put your own feelings before the safety of the children. what would Jesus do? do you think that he would put himself first? he gave the ultimate sacrifice when he died on the cross. can you not sacrifice your feelings for the wellbeing of the children? hello? not trying to be mean but maybe it is you who has the issue.
 
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