Streams of Consciousness & Thoughts~~~

Fenner · Jul 2, 2014

I can't believe I'm getting married next month! Its too close and yet so very far away...
Y'all may have a different opinion, but I'm marrying the best man on planet earth! Best man for me

I can't wait to be with him for the rest of my life, he's wonderful!

Its only next month though, time needs to go a little slower. But it needs to go faster at the same time! Part of me thinks I'm not ready for this (whoever tells you they are ready to get married is either sadly mistaken or lying, nobody is ever truly ready). Part of me can't wait.
All in all, I'm glad I met him. I love him!!

''

Best wishes for a happy wedding day and a happy life for the three of you. God bless.

Loveneverfails · Jul 2, 2014

First time calling the IRS... "we estimate your wait time to be 20-30 minutes"

Gah. Ok. Fine. let's do this.

persNickety · Jul 2, 2014

9 more pages to go and this thread will self-destruct

MissCris · Jul 2, 2014

Large canvasses freak me out...all that emptiness to fill...I dunno. Attempting something crazy on a...uh...14"x18"? I don't remember. Can't measure...count...math. Sick.

My sister said she would pay me for babysitting yesterday...I told her not to. She said she'd pay me in chocolate ice cream then. I kinda really wish she would hurry up with that.

I got a call from the maintenance guy/ex boyfriend today, he apologized about the long wait on getting the screen taken care of. I laughed and said no big deal, except for the pretty major moth problem. He was quiet for a few seconds, which made me all nervous and stupid, so I started telling him about having to vacuum up live moths and the moth dream I had and how they keep landing in my coffee and when I finally had the sense to shut up, he said "I forgot how entertaining you are. We should go get coffee together sometime." And it caught me completely off guard so I just told him that if I didn't get my screen back soon, I have a lot more depressed toys around here, at which point he offered to bring coffee here one evening specifically "after the kids are asleep"...

Ten years ago, I would have been way too eager to accept such a sleazy deal. Free coffee and probably sex? Sure!

Today, I just told him gee thanks, but no thanks, and asked if he could send someone else to put the screen in.

Ugh.

Loveneverfails · Jul 2, 2014

Wheeeee! My boyfriends mom is planning a trip to visit me and meet my family! I mean, his dad is coming too, but he's here all the time since he's a pilot and Anchorage is a frequent stop for cargo planes.

And in many Asian cultures...the process for becoming engaged doesn't just involve a young man asking the father of the bride. Instead, the young man and his parents meet with the woman's parents and the man's family collectively asks for the marital blessing.

So so so so...if both of them are traveling thousands of miles to meet my parents...

*blink* *blink*

does anyone understand why I'm freaking out here?

posthuman · Jul 2, 2014

"Can you answer?
Yes I can.
But what would be the answer
to the answer man?"

Raine · Jul 2, 2014

^Haha, very funny.

MissCris, make sure to show us that amazing painting when its done!

All the wonders that you can do on a large canvas!

Ugly · Jul 2, 2014

MissCris said:

It could've been an easy yes for you now, under your current situation. Being a 24/7 single mom, lonely and all you're going through, taking that offer could've been a chance for you to think of it as a remedy. To feel 'loved' and all that, like so many people would take it. But you didn't fall into that trap. So you should feel good that you are secure enough to not slip back into that thinking. Chalk it up to another win.

zeroturbulence · Jul 2, 2014

MissCris said:

Large canvasses freak me out...all that emptiness to fill...I dunno. Attempting something crazy on a...uh...14"x18"? I don't remember. Can't measure...count...math. Sick.

My sister said she would pay me for babysitting yesterday...I told her not to. She said she'd pay me in chocolate ice cream then. I kinda really wish she would hurry up with that.

I got a call from the maintenance guy/ex boyfriend today, he apologized about the long wait on getting the screen taken care of. I laughed and said no big deal, except for the pretty major moth problem. He was quiet for a few seconds, which made me all nervous and stupid, so I started telling him about having to vacuum up live moths and the moth dream I had and how they keep landing in my coffee and when I finally had the sense to shut up, he said "I forgot how entertaining you are. We should go get coffee together sometime." And it caught me completely off guard so I just told him that if I didn't get my screen back soon, I have a lot more depressed toys around here, at which point he offered to bring coffee here one evening specifically "after the kids are asleep"...

Ten years ago, I would have been way too eager to accept such a sleazy deal. Free coffee and probably sex? Sure!

Today, I just told him gee thanks, but no thanks, and asked if he could send someone else to put the screen in.

Ugh.

MissCris, they sell something called moth traps which is like flypaper except its for moths. It has moth phermones in it to attract the moths and then they get stuck to the sticky paper. Its a lot easier than chasing them around and executing them with the vacuum.

jannianni · Jul 2, 2014

I was just reading the Bible and came across this:

"The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. Then he said to the tree, "May no one ever eat fruit from you again." And his disciples heard him say it" (Mark 11:12-14).

2 things:
1. Jesus knows what it's like to be "hangry".
2. No fig newtons for Jesus.

kenthomas27 · Jul 2, 2014

MissCris said:

Then may your canvas grow in pace with your courage. Could be in another year or so, you'll be like Jackson Pollack and have to roll your canvas out on a barn floor.

zeroturbulence · Jul 2, 2014

jannianni said:

I was just reading the Bible and came across this:

"The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. Then he said to the tree, "May no one ever eat fruit from you again." And his disciples heard him say it" (Mark 11:12-14).

2 things:
1. Jesus knows what it's like to be "hangry".
2. No fig newtons for Jesus.

lol poor Jesus. He can feed 5000 with a few fish and a loaf of bread but...

gypsygirl · Jul 2, 2014

zeroturbulence said:

true, but i sort of secretly enjoy killing my bugs via the vacuum, especially the errant, bedroom-wall-climbing-spider.

swift, efficient, and no bug guts. ; p

Rachel20 · Jul 3, 2014

1. Being sad and cheerful at the same time is an art. I call it an art and not a mess, because your brain is doing a balancing act, with a 1000 feet drop below, juggling two different responses.

2. To miss someone or anything is the most horrible ache in the world, that you just want to claw your heart out, deceitful as it is, lock it up and throw it away.
It's such a bittersweet thing - and the beauty of it all is when you step back and view the whole picture, you're amazed by your emotions and the depth of your feelings.
You have so much passion and so much love to give to someone - if only they just knew.

3. To find humour even when you just want to sit down and cry is the strangest thing

4. Warm clothes , fresh from a dryer feels like a hug.

PS - Hurricane in the USA.... interesting for a visitor here.

persNickety · Jul 3, 2014

I might have to go on a second med or change meds all together for better control, but the one med, Keppra, which I am quite certain my dr will want me to try next, has mood side effects of being easily angered/ annoyed, and higher risk of suicide ideation. But there are few meds that control the particular seizures that I continue to have, I hope something else will work. Another med is dangerous for pregnant women, can cause birth defects, so I would have to convince my doctor that I will not be active.

Searching4Truth · Jul 3, 2014

I lie in bed pondering the life I live. I wonder about all my sins and if they will prohibit me access into heaven. I wonder about things about the Bible, and all the things people say about it. What hurts the most are the mistakes I've made with people. What I'm scared of the most is what may or may not lie after death. My uncertainty is my enemy. I want to get angry, but I don't see the point when no one will understand where I'm coming from. I want to cry, but people will only want me to stop and pretend to care. I wish God would manifest himself in front of me so that I may speak with him face to face. But I'm going to be told that he's not a genie. I want to see him. I want to hear him. I'm not sure about my faith. I'm not sure about my life. I wish I could rip out of my own life and float about invisible. I'm tired of being.

cinder · Jul 3, 2014

Searching4Truth said:

ummm… meaningless cliche meaningless cliche. Stupid churchy slogan.

Yeah wish I knew what to say. Reading your post makes me think of the book of Job so you might give that a read. Other than that I guess i would say that doubt is not evil, let it motivate you to dig deeper and find answers. Oh and this song might help. At least I hope it isn't too trite:

[video=youtube_share;bv-V38SyOzc]http://youtu.be/bv-V38SyOzc[/video]

Feel free to PM me or start threads if you have specific questions or just want someone to listen to you sort it all out.

persNickety · Jul 3, 2014

I wish that more drs would be open minded about approving the use of medicinal marjuana for their patients. CBD low THC & Charlottes Web strains have controlled even the most severe epilepsies. I would have go through hoops to get it. I qualify because of my condition, but I would have to get two drs approval and had tried many different meds with no success.

Searching4Truth · Jul 3, 2014

Meaningless cliche. *nods* Okay.

Searching4Truth · Jul 3, 2014

I can't remember how old exactly I was when I was diagnosed with juvenile diabeetus. This was the time when we had to take insuline through an actual needle and little bottle. It sucked. No. It mega sucked. I cried when when I had to take a dose. Then I later cringed. Then I flinched whenever that tiny spear pinched a vein. No matter how old I got. I hated. I hated knowing I was sick with an invisible disease. The constant monitoring really sucked too. Especially in the earlier years when there was no adjustable pricking mechanism. I hated it. I hated pain. It was extremely unpleasant. This is the part where I wish I had a father to teach m

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