I choose death over marriage...

[ThePottersClay]

So last night I had to work as a Medic at out annual Grand "Durban July" event. At the same time I was expected to take my son's friend home afterward, but he lives in an informal settlement. For those wh live in SA would know "townships" can be a dangerous place, especially with the current economic strike action taking place. Needless to say. When I noticed I was not going to get don't before close to midnight, I called my husband to ask him a favor, and ask him to pls collect the boys and go dropp the friend off, otherwise I'll have to go into the township after midnight. He told me he was very "P***ed* about it, but will do it. Then he whatsapp me this "Suggest when u get home to go to bed and rather leave be and go to church tomorrow to avoid any issues"

I didn't respond. But it hurt, I can never ask for help because this is the type of reaction I get, I want to curl up and die.

When I left the event, I thought, I better buckle up, because there will be a lot of drunk drivers on the road. And I reached for my seatbelt, then thought "NO" maybe if I am in an accident, I could die, and then I don't have to be in this marriage anymore. I eventually got home, in one peace, went straight to bed. And this morning i'm laying here thinking.......if I'd pick death over my marriage... what good is it? And I know if I confront him with this, he'll blame me for not planning correctly, and for being selfish.... I've lost all confidence...and I really would rather die accidentally that is, than stay in this marriage.

Do I feel sad? No. Do I feel upset? No. I feel dead already.

 

[waterlily]

oh honey.. I love you so much.

I know that sometimes pain and hardship can seem to swallow us up whole.. and life is at times five minutes of Gods grace at a time. I have no idea what the answer is, but I know with all my heart who holds the answer. Please fall in love with the Lord.. seek the Lords faithfulness and love in this situation.. He is the way, the truth and all life. seek Him and take every single thought captive to Him. God is peace, He is the prince of peace.. I pray that God will give you a greater portion of that peace and strength right now to help you fight the good fight of faith.

again.. I love you very much and pray that as you walk thru this valley you will truly know that God is with you.. Holding you and guiding you.. as you seek Gods perfect will and peace for your life.

bless your whole family.. In the mighty name of Jesus
Amen

 

[Bate]

It is really such an heart breaking experience! Especially if you receive such a response from a partner.
Otherwise, it takes abundant grace to press on.
Don't die ThePottersClay!

Remember, Nothing Just Happens!

 

[ALillian]

Lamenations 3: 21-
Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”

Isaiah 33:2
LORD, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress.

Hey Sweet sis, i love you . just wanted to give you his food for the journey and let you know i'm by your side .
May the Holy Spirit continue to bring you his words of life to refresh you and give you renewed strength to press on. You are very much under his watchful eye

 

[John_agape]

I pray for God to give you the peace to see past any hurtful comments. And that you feel the confidence from God to give you the strength to heal your hurt.

 

[blue_ladybug]

So last night I had to work as a Medic at out annual Grand "Durban July" event. At the same time I was expected to take my son's friend home afterward, but he lives in an informal settlement. For those wh live in SA would know "townships" can be a dangerous place, especially with the current economic strike action taking place. Needless to say. When I noticed I was not going to get don't before close to midnight, I called my husband to ask him a favor, and ask him to pls collect the boys and go dropp the friend off, otherwise I'll have to go into the township after midnight. He told me he was very "P***ed* about it, but will do it. Then he whatsapp me this "Suggest when u get home to go to bed and rather leave be and go to church tomorrow to avoid any issues"

I didn't respond. But it hurt, I can never ask for help because this is the type of reaction I get, I want to curl up and die.

When I left the event, I thought, I better buckle up, because there will be a lot of drunk drivers on the road. And I reached for my seatbelt, then thought "NO" maybe if I am in an accident, I could die, and then I don't have to be in this marriage anymore. I eventually got home, in one peace, went straight to bed. And this morning i'm laying here thinking.......if I'd pick death over my marriage... what good is it? And I know if I confront him with this, he'll blame me for not planning correctly, and for being selfish.... I've lost all confidence...and I really would rather die accidentally that is, than stay in this marriage.

Do I feel sad? No. Do I feel upset? No. I feel dead already.

Tash, aww, it's not right that he treats you like this. But you're right: what good is it if you choose death over your marriage? Or death over anything in general? I think you are one of the least selfish people I have ever met!! Your husband is selfish for not wanting to help you out with this one simple request you asked of him.

I wrote about thoughts recently in another thread. Thoughts are very powerful things. Satan uses them to influence us into thinking and doing negative things, so please banish these thoughts about dying out of your mind right now!! I agree with Bate and waterlily. God has the answer to your situation. Seek him and ask him to show you what it is. I know this will all work out for the best.

 

[tourist]

So last night I had to work as a Medic at out annual Grand "Durban July" event. At the same time I was expected to take my son's friend home afterward, but he lives in an informal settlement. For those wh live in SA would know "townships" can be a dangerous place, especially with the current economic strike action taking place. Needless to say. When I noticed I was not going to get don't before close to midnight, I called my husband to ask him a favor, and ask him to pls collect the boys and go dropp the friend off, otherwise I'll have to go into the township after midnight. He told me he was very "P***ed* about it, but will do it. Then he whatsapp me this "Suggest when u get home to go to bed and rather leave be and go to church tomorrow to avoid any issues"

I didn't respond. But it hurt, I can never ask for help because this is the type of reaction I get, I want to curl up and die.

When I left the event, I thought, I better buckle up, because there will be a lot of drunk drivers on the road. And I reached for my seatbelt, then thought "NO" maybe if I am in an accident, I could die, and then I don't have to be in this marriage anymore. I eventually got home, in one peace, went straight to bed. And this morning i'm laying here thinking.......if I'd pick death over my marriage... what good is it? And I know if I confront him with this, he'll blame me for not planning correctly, and for being selfish.... I've lost all confidence...and I really would rather die accidentally that is, than stay in this marriage.

Do I feel sad? No. Do I feel upset? No. I feel dead already.

I understand what you are saying. You are not dead, but rather numb. I would offer you counsel but I am rather numb myself and dumb too.

 

[secularhermit]

I´m sorry to hear that...

One thing I know for ME (I know nothing from the rest of men desires).

Daily I try to do my personal agenda. I dislike my mother each time she tries to add HER ITEMS on my plans without consulting me first and, IT IS NOT THAT I´M SELFISH, neither I considered her selfishness, it is just I might have promised OTHER PEOPLE "I will be there" whereever they might need me, and I have "promised" my word of being where any person needs me for a job or a help.

If I were married, I should partake and asume responsibilities (1) with my children and also with my wife safety (2) (though I would regret being involved into another child issues) because I´m also AWARE I could be responsible of my own life (a), another´s life I might be in charge (b) and that I feel blessed each time I´m given a job or a chance to help other people (c) because there is where my money comes (and money is also used to family things).

What I think, my own case (not yours) it is I avoid being messy. I don´t like to have too many distractions or hommie chores that distracts me from achieving one daily goal: Money to make my living and, when my mother had called me while I´m travelling on the streets, I´m pretty far from WHERE SHE WANTS ME TO BE. However, RELUCTANTLY, I have done a couple of things she have asked me as favor (although I know how reluctant SHE IS to do the things I do). Examples: I hand wash my clothing and I´m used to cook my food... Yet she shares what she cooks, whenever she wants it.

That is not a love relation, not a marriage, just my life as a guess into my mother´s but, a love relation is this I can tell:

One month ago, I was engaged.

I did the most and gave everything I was willing to give or share (it wasn´t too much, but it was wonderful living as if I was married).

Each time I got money I bought food. Each time she needed anything I had, I gave it to her or i did it for her: We were a family.

The sad news, as long as it lasted, I knew she was acting selfishly and too demanding (1), oversensitive and TOO controlling (2) and when she started asking things THE MORE (that were not of my concern or PRIORITY) (3) I started to feel I was denied my own life (4), I felt abused, robbed my own space and timing (5).

So I would recommend thinking to re-negociate what are your COMMON goals in that marriage.

It be sadder to lose all that IS (or was) of any value in a family (Later on, children suffer and too probably will toss the blame to ANY of their parents).

Isolated parents also miss or suffer loses.

 

[biscuit]

So last night I had to work as a Medic at out annual Grand "Durban July" event. At the same time I was expected to take my son's friend home afterward, but he lives in an informal settlement. For those wh live in SA would know "townships" can be a dangerous place, especially with the current economic strike action taking place. Needless to say. When I noticed I was not going to get don't before close to midnight, I called my husband to ask him a favor, and ask him to pls collect the boys and go dropp the friend off, otherwise I'll have to go into the township after midnight. He told me he was very "P***ed* about it, but will do it. Then he whatsapp me this "Suggest when u get home to go to bed and rather leave be and go to church tomorrow to avoid any issues"

I didn't respond. But it hurt, I can never ask for help because this is the type of reaction I get, I want to curl up and die.

When I left the event, I thought, I better buckle up, because there will be a lot of drunk drivers on the road. And I reached for my seatbelt, then thought "NO" maybe if I am in an accident, I could die, and then I don't have to be in this marriage anymore. I eventually got home, in one peace, went straight to bed. And this morning i'm laying here thinking.......if I'd pick death over my marriage... what good is it? And I know if I confront him with this, he'll blame me for not planning correctly, and for being selfish.... I've lost all confidence...and I really would rather die accidentally that is, than stay in this marriage.

Do I feel sad? No. Do I feel upset? No. I feel dead already.

Your husband was rude about it ... but you will have to accept some responsibility for it. Why put the boy and your husband in danger when a better choice or plan could have been worked out? These type of things should be worked out in advance. I love a woman who will tell me in advance of possible problems & dangers and look to plan around them. That's two minds working together as one for the common good. This is what marriage is all about. Not to pick on you but you need to work on planning these types of events well in advance. In a sense, your husband has a right to be pi**ed because you placed his life in possible danger. Please don't create a possible fiasco then ask for a bailout ... and expect your husband to stay muted.

 

[ThePottersClay]

The plan was for me to take the kid home by 8pm "alone" anyway, but when it was running into late night Medical Duty, I had no choice in, I called for help, from someone I should be able to reach out to..... it's not a matter of planning as such, it's a matter of comfort. You won't get it.

I shudnt have looked for encouragement on a forum. But thanks for your input.

Your husband was rude about it ... but you will have to accept some responsibility for it. Why put the boy and your husband in danger when a better choice or plan could have been worked out? These type of things should be worked out in advance. I love a woman who will tell me in advance of possible problems & dangers and look to plan around them. That's two minds working together as one for the common good. This is what marriage is all about. Not to pick on you but you need to work on planning these types of events well in advance. In a sense, your husband has a right to be pi**ed because you placed his life in possible danger. Please don't create a possible fiasco then ask for a bailout ... and expect your husband to stay muted.

 

[jb800m]

if it was dangerous for the wife the huband should be the one doing it upfront anyway, yes he was upset right or wrong he should want to be a part of his family and aide is wife when it is requested....

i am praying for you thepottersclay. and your husband,, i dont feel you had much of a choice under the circumstance at all and did the right thing... he seemed to be far to angry about things

 

[BeeD]

Know that you are not the only one who feels this way. Believe me !!!!

 

[Dan58]

The plan was for me to take the kid home by 8pm "alone" anyway, but when it was running into late night Medical Duty, I had no choice in, I called for help, from someone I should be able to reach out to..... it's not a matter of planning as such, it's a matter of comfort. You won't get it.

I shudnt have looked for encouragement on a forum. But thanks for your input.

Sounds like your being a little over dramatic? The bottom line is that you committed to do something, but your husband had to bailed you out. Yes, he may have complained about it, but he did come through and took responsibility. I would think you would be thankful for his help, rather than saying you would prefer to be dead than stay in your marriage? Consider that if you didn't have a spouse to volunteer his help, your son's friend would have been left stranded.

 

[BeeD]

Here is a poem/prayer that I wrote in 2008 when I was at a very bad point in my marriage just like you. Hope this helps you even a little.

My God To You I Cry Out

My God to you I cry out
For your beloved needs you now
My hurt seems more than I can bare
And deep within is dark despair
Within my heart this pain abides
And fills my thoughts like crashing tides

My God to you I cry out
For your beloved needs you now

Lift my eyes and lift my heart
Remove this bitter, painful dart
That permeates my very soul
And like a captor takes control

My God to you I cry out
For your beloved needs you now

Bring me back to where waters flow
Where your rivers of peace softly go
And lay my head upon your chest
Ease my mind and give me rest

God, my God to you I cry out
For your beloved needs you now.

 

[biscuit]

if it was dangerous for the wife the huband should be the one doing it upfront anyway, yes he was upset right or wrong he should want to be a part of his family and aide is wife when it is requested....

i am praying for you thepottersclay. and your husband,, i dont feel you had much of a choice under the circumstance at all and did the right thing... he seemed to be far to angry about things

Huh!!!! Why face danger when you don't have to???? The simple solution would have been to ask hubby if the boy could stay overnight with them instead of the risk of taking him home late in a bad town. Life is that simple.

Husbands are suppose to take the risk on the firing line for the wives' mistakes? I don't think that how it works. If your wife left her purse in a crack neighborhood, and it is 3am, I want to see you get in your car and retrieve it with crack thugs heavily roaming the street. Before you do, let me get the popcorn, pizza and beer, so I can watch the freak show.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Huh!!!! Why face danger when you don't have to???? The simple solution would have been to ask hubby if the boy could stay overnight with them instead of the risk of taking him home late in a bad town. Life is that simple.

Husbands are suppose to take the risk on the firing line for the wives' mistakes? I don't think that how it works. If your wife left her purse in a crack neighborhood, and it is 3am, I want to see you get in your car and retrieve it with crack thugs heavily roaming the street. Before you do, let me get the popcorn, pizza and beer, so I can watch the freak show.

biscuit, the point is, that when tash called her husband to do this favor for her, because obviously she was committed to being at the event til midnight. The husband should have been glad to help her out, instead of saying he's p**sed for having to do it. Yes, one option would have been to have the kid stay overnight..another option could have been that the kid call his parents or a friend to bring him home.
I think your remark to tourist is a little bit insensitive considering that his wife died a couple of years ago. Maybe you should apologize for that remark, and think a bit next time before you choose your words. I understand the point you were trying to make, but still it was quite rude.

 

[tourist]

Huh!!!! Why face danger when you don't have to???? The simple solution would have been to ask hubby if the boy could stay overnight with them instead of the risk of taking him home late in a bad town. Life is that simple.

Husbands are suppose to take the risk on the firing line for the wives' mistakes? I don't think that how it works. If your wife left her purse in a crack neighborhood, and it is 3am, I want to see you get in your car and retrieve it with crack thugs heavily roaming the street. Before you do, let me get the popcorn, pizza and beer, so I can watch the freak show.

Good husbands take care of their wives, indifferent husbands make excuses, bad husbands take care of themselves.

 

[biscuit]

biscuit, the point is, that when tash called her husband to do this favor for her, because obviously she was committed to being at the event til midnight. The husband should have been glad to help her out, instead of saying he's p**sed for having to do it. Yes, one option would have been to have the kid stay overnight..another option could have been that the kid call his parents or a friend to bring him home.
I think your remark to tourist is a little bit insensitive considering that his wife died a couple of years ago. Maybe you should apologize for that remark, and think a bit next time before you choose your words. I understand the point you were trying to make, but still it was quite rude.

If you can find the rude remark I made to tourist, I will apologize. My remark wasn't directed to tourist ... it was directed to jb800m. Maybe you owe me an apology for false accusation?

 

[biscuit]

Good husbands take care of their wives, indifferent husbands make excuses, bad husbands take care of themselves.

Good husbands provide leadership & instructions necessary to protect the family. IMHO, both failed as adults. Nevertheless, you are correct.

 

[tourist]

If you can find the rude remark I made to tourist, I will apologize. My remark wasn't directed to tourist ... it was directed to jb800m. Maybe you owe me an apology for false accusation?

It's all good - let's all relax. Thank you Blue Lady Bug. You are a good friend. You are OK too Biscuit.