Need advice with marriage and weight loss

[Rose88]

Earlier this year, I decided to lose my baby weight and college weight. My husband was supportive, but said he didn't want to get his hopes up because I'd said this kind of thing before, but then given up. This time, I was determined. Over the last seven months, I've succeeded in losing 30 pounds. I now weigh 125. I'd said during the time that I wanted to get down to 115. My husband wanted that too. However, the more I lost, the more the pounds slowed down until they just stopped, and I couldn't lose another pound no matter what I did. At that point (about a week ago) I decided that I was much healthier, happy with how I looked, and could reasonably maintain my weight. I decided to stop actively trying to lose, and maintain the weight I was at. When I told my husband, though, he kind of went ballistic. He said that I'd promised him that I'd get to 115, that I'd lied to him about how much I was going to lose, that I'd gotten his hopes up for nothing, and that I was definitely going to gain it all back. I lost 30 pounds and he's acting like I haven't lost any. I don't know what to do. Should I keep trying to lose that last 10, even if I don't want to? Should I just let him be mad? Should I try to convince him to see it my way? Help!

 

[Angela53510]

I don't know how tall you are, but 125 is thin for most heights. Once we become a bit older, it becomes nearly impossible to lose that last 10 lbs.

Your husband sounds terribly immature. Tell him that you don't care what he thinks, you are at a healthy weight and you are not losing more. You can even apologize, because you did say this to him, but you now realize it is an unrealistic goal.

Then don't talk about it anymore. He sounds very controlling, and that is trouble. Control is the first stage of abuse. I am not kidding.

Praying your husband grows up and accepts you the way you are.

 

[ardchoille]

I feel that the value of a human being lies within, not without. That is your body you are living in and I feel it is up to you to do what is needed with it. If your husband doesn't approve, then perhaps he needs to look within himself and work on the real problem. Pray and ask God for help with this issue, that's the best you can do.

 

[jogoldie]

Often when we lose weight we hit a plateau......and it last sometimes up to 3 or4 weeks....this is just your body rearranging things ....but after that it seems to fall off....if you can justtrust that if you continue to have more output than input ....meaning exercise exceeds the amountof food you eat....it will come off....I think your husband is being a bit harsh.....but if it motivates you....idk...I have lost weight and I have kept it off by just staying active.......Congradulations on your weight loss....its a big deal and I think your great......peace....jo

 

[MadParrotWoman]

Sounds to me like you are at an ideal weight and your body is telling you this. I agree with Angela, actually it has nothing to do with your husband - your weight is your business. Be careful not to put it all back on though especially at this time of year. I lost weight this time last year and Christmas was the start of my putting it all back on again. I'm trying again this year - don't fall into the same trap.

 

[ardchoille]

Sounds to me like you are at an ideal weight and your body is telling you this. I agree with Angela, actually it has nothing to do with your husband - your weight is your business. Be careful not to put it all back on though especially at this time of year. I lost weight this time last year and Christmas was the start of my putting it all back on again. I'm trying again this year - don't fall into the same trap.

The main reason a person puts the weight back on after coming off a diet is because they return to their old eating habits and fail to realize that those old habits were the reason for being overweight to begin with. If you want to keep the weight off for life you need to either change your eating habits for life or increase your exercise regimen.

 

[Agricola]

Your husband is a selfish pig and a stupid idiot. We all change, did he marry you because of your looks? Sounds like it. He needs a proper talking to and dose of reality knocked into him.

Where is proper love these days? At times I think I am the only man on the planet who loved my ex wife unconditionally, I loved her, not her body or what she was like. Too many men marry a womans breasts and figure, not the person.

 

[VioletReigns]

Your husband is a selfish pig and a stupid idiot. We all change, did he marry you because of your looks? Sounds like it. He needs a proper talking to and dose of reality knocked into him.

Where is proper love these days? At times I think I am the only man on the planet who loved my ex wife unconditionally, I loved her, not her body or what she was like. Too many men marry a womans breasts and figure, not the person.

Not that I agree with what you said word for word, but I certainly respect your style, Brother Agricola. The church needs men like you (you remind me of Nehemiah the Prophet ) to teach the younger men how to love their wives. Kudos to you, Brother for speaking your mind on behalf of wives.

 

[Standingwolf13]

Sister I have to ask this and before you answer think about, is your husband doing this in a way in which he feels may be motivating to you? Because you have stated that other things you have said you'd do you have not done, so is he trying to push you through that hard spot, you know the one we all go through at the point of giving up? I don't know your husband at all or how he feels about you, but I do know that if you felt doing this was for your health, as he is I would also be, maybe not so wordy, I don't want to say angry because I don't know if that were the case. If for some reason you think he is angry about you stopping the weight loss then you need to, well let me rephrase if it were me in your shoes and I felt my wife got angry about my descision even though it was a descision we made together to start the process of what ever it might be. Then should it not be the same in stopping the process. Don't let your lack of communication plant roots that have no need to be planted in your garden. GOD serves your heart well and from what I can hear in your words he is working on hubby, so if this is the case GOD has giving you common ground a place to start together keep that common ground and decide if your going to end your diet but do it together and if he disagrees find out why then and only then can peace be restored into your castle. Apparently at some point you prayed for this and GOD has granted it the (communication part) GOD has opened the door for lots of it you can resolve quite abit in this time if you do it with compassion and love.
sorry I don't have scripture for this. But I believe that scripture that is needed will be spoken through your heart when you and he consumate the ending of this discussion. Be Blessed my Sister.

 

[VioletReigns]

Dearest Sister Rose88, congratulations to you honey for your excellent determination in getting yourself at a healthy weight. I'm so happy you met your goal! You say you feel healthy and that is what matters.

As for your husband demanding you lose more weight, he needs to lose his ugly demanding attitude. He should supportive of you, not demanding. I recommend counseling ASAP as criticism, anger and manipulation is a much worse problem than a few extra pounds. I wouldn't even discuss weight with him until he agreed to get counseling for his bad attitude. Make sure you talk to your pastor about it soon before this hurtful situation gets any worse.

 

[Standingwolf13]

But what if she prayed for a way to communicate not saying she did but what if she did.
What if GOD has chosen this weight thing to bring hubby closer to him?
Or to bring them back closer together.

Scripture says GOD uses the lowly things of the world.

1 Corinthians 1 27But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29so that no one may boast before him. 30It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.

 

[VioletReigns]

Sister I have to ask this and before you answer think about, is your husband doing this in a way in which he feels may be motivating to you? Because you have stated that other things you have said you'd do you have not done, so is he trying to push you through that hard spot, you know the one we all go through at the point of giving up? I don't know your husband at all or how he feels about you, but I do know that if you felt doing this was for your health, as he is I would also be, maybe not so wordy, I don't want to say angry because I don't know if that were the case. If for some reason you think he is angry about you stopping the weight loss then you need to, well let me rephrase if it were me in your shoes and I felt my wife got angry about my descision even though it was a descision we made together to start the process of what ever it might be. Then should it not be the same in stopping the process. Don't let your lack of communication plant roots that have no need to be planted in your garden. GOD serves your heart well and from what I can hear in your words he is working on hubby, so if this is the case GOD has giving you common ground a place to start together keep that common ground and decide if your going to end your diet but do it together and if he disagrees find out why then and only then can peace be restored into your castle. Apparently at some point you prayed for this and GOD has granted it the (communication part) GOD has opened the door for lots of it you can resolve quite abit in this time if you do it with compassion and love.
sorry I don't have scripture for this. But I believe that scripture that is needed will be spoken through your heart when you and he consumate the ending of this discussion. Be Blessed my Sister.

This sounds all well and good online, but in the real world, this is nothing short of coercion. I am so tired of people telling Christian wives to "love their husbands, be submissive, endure his anger so God can work on him" to the point where the wife loses her self-worth. Are you kidding me?? Are we assuming that God can't reach a man if his wife says, "I will not allow you to punish and disrespect me"??? Do you think God is that weak? The Lord is MIGHTY and we can trust Him. I know the Lord can do more with relationships when we are not afraid to stand up in His strength.

Jesus Himself said, "I call you to peace." There's no Scripture that tells wives to lay their lives down for their husbands. It's the other way around! A man is supposed to protect and cover his wife with love. We are each accountable to God and are not to be in fear of standing in His strength. The reason so many marriages fail is because we're afraid of losing our partner's love if we don't cater to their whims. We are not to be a slave to anyone.

Do you think this husband would talk so critically or disrespecting to his boss or to a policeman or a judge?? Heck no! He'd have the sense to know that if he didn't speak with respect, he'd lose his job or get arrested. Because HE KNOWS IT'S WRONG! And you think it's permissible for him to treat his wife in such a way? I'm telling you, the church needs to call this abuse out and warn men and women alike that it is not permissible to manipulate and punish your spouse.

I advise this dear sister Rose to get counseling before this escalates into worse abuse.

 

[VioletReigns]

Ephesians 5: 25-33
Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church - for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. "This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.


Husbands are supposed to love their wives as Christ Jesus loves the church (His people). The husband is to speak gloriously of his wife, just as Jesus speaks of us calling us holy people, perfect in His sight, beloved, His elect, His bride, the apple of His eye. The husband is to rejoice over his wife and be her banner of love. The husband is to speak in truth, in holiness, in wisdom, and in love to his wife. He is to present her to himself without any criticism of her, to accept her as perfect and holy and adore her as Christ Jesus adores us. He is to take care of her needs just like he is concerned for his own needs because they are one in God’s sight.


You cannot speak negatively about your wife and expect her to trust and follow you. When you curse her, you curse yourself. If you complain about her, you complain about yourself. Jesus presents us spotless and perfect. Are you treating your wife like she is perfect in your sight? Are your words over her so sweet with grace and love that it washes over her mind and heart and causes her to love you, just as Jesus causes us to love Him?


A man has power over his wife in that if he does as God instructs him to, he brings blessing and holiness to their relationship. If he compares her to the world, if he makes her feel she doesn’t measure up, he causes her to doubt him and makes her feel unworthy of his love.


Before a man complains about how his wife is not allowing him to lead, he needs to judge himself, whether or not he is following the Lord’s instructions about how to love his wife.

Even men of the world who aren't Christians know how to treat their wives with dignity. They may not have their eyes open to the Truth of the Lord, but many still have enough knowledge and sense to treat their wives with respect. Nobody is excused from treating others the way they want to be treated. Everyone is responsible to live by the simple golden rule. As any judge will remind you: "Ignorance is no excuse of the law."

 

[psychomom]

Your husband is a selfish pig and a stupid idiot. We all change, did he marry you because of your looks? Sounds like it. He needs a proper talking to and dose of reality knocked into him.

Where is proper love these days? At times I think I am the only man on the planet who loved my ex wife unconditionally, I loved her, not her body or what she was like. Too many men marry a womans breasts and figure, not the person.

lol, Agricola, why don't you tell us what you really think?

gotta love an Aussie...

 

[psychomom]

Rose, honey...good job!!!
losing weight can be tough, and i'm sure you've seen the benefits of more energy, etc.

if it were me...i think i'd want to ask my husband why it's so important to him.
i wouldn't let him skate with something like, "you promised" or "you lied".
there's got to be a deeper issue there, it seems.

please don't be a stranger. ♥

 

[Standingwolf13]

Have we all not been grafted in through the same olive branch and if that is the case the only way that GOD can be a part of this relationship is in the spirit not in the flesh as you and I are speaking of it. And if we are grafted in then what makes our olive branches stronger then those that have broken off.

Living in undivided devotion to the LORD is scriptual.

 

[Standingwolf13]

Does scripture not say wives be submissive to your husbands? And that the unbelieving husband is sanctified ny the believing wife and vice versa?

 

[Standingwolf13]

If the church were to do that then like JESUS has stated beaware of the yeast of pharisee's would apply here also sinceall that we would be against in the flesh that he partook of in the Spirit for all us that includes the beating are we better then Christ.
Real world what does that mean?

 

[kaylagrl]

But what if she prayed for a way to communicate not saying she did but what if she did.
What if GOD has chosen this weight thing to bring hubby closer to him?
Or to bring them back closer together.

Scripture says GOD uses the lowly things of the world.

1 Corinthians 1 27But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29so that no one may boast before him. 30It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.

The weight thing is not bringing them closer.The husband is acting like an immature little snot.What if they had a car accident and was disabled in a wheelchair and could never exercise again? Very shallow view of love.Hubby needs to grow up.And Rose needs to do what is healthy and best for her body. If he throws a fit over something this small Id hate to see what he'd do in a crisis.Grow up already.

 

[kaylagrl]

This sounds all well and good online, but in the real world, this is nothing short of coercion. I am so tired of people telling Christian wives to "love their husbands, be submissive, endure his anger so God can work on him" to the point where the wife loses her self-worth. Are you kidding me?? Are we assuming that God can't reach a man if his wife says, "I will not allow you to punish and disrespect me"??? Do you think God is that weak? The Lord is MIGHTY and we can trust Him. I know the Lord can do more with relationships when we are not afraid to stand up in His strength.

Jesus Himself said, "I call you to peace." There's no Scripture that tells wives to lay their lives down for their husbands. It's the other way around! A man is supposed to protect and cover his wife with love. We are each accountable to God and are not to be in fear of standing in His strength. The reason so many marriages fail is because we're afraid of losing our partner's love if we don't cater to their whims. We are not to be a slave to anyone.

Do you think this husband would talk so critically or disrespecting to his boss or to a policeman or a judge?? Heck no! He'd have the sense to know that if he didn't speak with respect, he'd lose his job or get arrested. Because HE KNOWS IT'S WRONG! And you think it's permissible for him to treat his wife in such a way? I'm telling you, the church needs to call this abuse out and warn men and women alike that it is not permissible to manipulate and punish your spouse.

I advise this dear sister Rose to get counseling before this escalates into worse abuse.

​You preach it sister!!