My wife has admitted to cheating on me.

[SnowyRiver]

My wife has admitted she has had an affair for past month, she said she cares for him, but also said she came back to try and repair our marriage, I said I am willing to forgive her and try to reconcile our marriage because I believe if we just give up things will not be any better, am I foolish to be thinking like this, I have prayed and sought out God for answers, any words of advice would be greatly appreciated, just because I said I would forgive does not mean I still don't feel pain. Sorry this is how my first post has to be.

 

[damombomb]

My wife has admitted she has had an affair for past month, she said she cares for him, but also said she came back to try and repair our marriage, I said I am willing to forgive her and try to reconcile our marriage because I believe if we just give up things will not be any better, am I foolish to be thinking like this, I have prayed and sought out God for answers, any words of advice would be greatly appreciated, just because I said I would forgive does not mean I still don't feel pain. Sorry this is how my first post has to be.

No,it is honorable, praise God!

 

[Sirk]

Going thru the pain no matter the outcome is the wise thing to do. You can go around it but you'll just find yourself in the same position down the road. Get a counselor....youre gonna need it.

 

[AnnieH]

It's not foolish to try to repair your marriage. You didn't say if you have kids. But with a counselor, if you and she want to repair your relationship, you have a chance to succeed. You certainly can't do it on your own. Your wife must want it too. I wish you the best.

 

[MadParrotWoman]

My wife has admitted she has had an affair for past month, she said she cares for him, but also said she came back to try and repair our marriage, I said I am willing to forgive her and try to reconcile our marriage because I believe if we just give up things will not be any better, am I foolish to be thinking like this, I have prayed and sought out God for answers, any words of advice would be greatly appreciated, just because I said I would forgive does not mean I still don't feel pain. Sorry this is how my first post has to be.

It certainly isn't foolish to try to forgive. I have to give your wife credit for confessing and wishing to repair the marriage. I agree with the suggestion you should go to counselling as a couple. You will need to get everything out into the open and discuss what brought about the affair and there should be no recriminations. The hurt will take a long time to heal but with love and prayer it will in time. God bless you both

 

[tourist]

What led your wife to cheat on you? It is most troubling that while she admitted to the affair she also said that she still cared for the one that she carried on this affair with. What led her to admit to this affair and was she sorry for this horrible thing that she did to you? Seems to me if she was sorry then she would not also say that she has feelings for this guy. I see nothing but trouble for you in the future. Based on what you have said in your post I believe that you should at least consider divorcing your wife who betrayed your trust by this illicit affair.

 

[JesusLives]

So sorry you have had to go through the pain of this situation. The counseling is a great thing to do to work through this and you will have to really lean on God to learn to give your trust to your wife again I think that would be the hardest thing to do. If she is truly sorry and repentant meaning never doing it again and having learned her lesson then I would say it would be very merciful of you to give her a second chance.

God does tell us to forgive 70 times 7 meaning He forgives us of our transgressions over and over and is so merciful to us. Pray and stay close to God and pray with your wife and develop a family worship time to keep God first in your lives as I believe if we put God first and learn to love Him the way we should then it should come natural for us to love our spouses. I give you a lot of credit for considering the forgiveness route. God bless you in your walk with Jesus.

 

[secularhermit]

I´m sorry, bro! that´s not an easy-cured pain.

If you really want to know the "stage" of what it was (1) and the amount of "risks" you would face (2), it be good for you to know FROM her, what took her out (3) up to what extension (4).

It won´t be easy for her to tell all, you probably paid too little attention on her lately.

Let´s say it is easy forgiven. We have done all sort of wrongs but "as a treatment", it be adviced to know the root for that "disease".

If you can cure yourself for having open a door for that (She and You only know) the diagnose could look well but, if something is deep enough, both would need outsourced extra help: Marriage Counselling!

 

[secularhermit]

Meanwhile...

Fireproof Movie Inspiring Quotes | Call Me Fay

COMMITMENT=Faith+Hope+Love: Fireproof Movie Quotes (ems)

 

[Joidevivre]

It all depends on her reasons for staying in the marriage. If it is for the Lord, and choosing to do the right thing, you have a good start. Only FOR the Lord will work. And He will meet her at that place of choosing, and give both of you the graces necessary to work through this. Please forgive her. It is easy to fall. And forgiveness doesn't mean that you won't feel pain for awhile. It just means that you have also chosen to do the right thing.

Sometimes a counselor will help - but not always. I know! More than anything, love her and keep communication open. Don't bombard her with questions. Just accept what she chooses to give you. Trust the Lord's work in your marriage, and you will have an even stronger one in the end.

Her honesty and your forgiveness = a good new beginning.

 

[SnowyRiver]

Thank you for your advice, I will give more to this story, yes we have 5 children the youngest being 10 and the oldest 23, she has said I never paid attention to her and that the breaking point was when I said I would not change for her and not quit drinking, I bought her a promise ring on Christmas day with 3 diamonds signifying my vow that I would quit drinking and start to be a better man, the 3 diamonds represent me, her and God. At the time she did not believe I would change and pursued the affair, the man who wooed her told her things she said I would never say, like how beautiful she was and that she deserved better, and that led to them being intimate with each other. She would not come home for a couple days so I phoned her and told her that I was sorry for everything and wanted to make this marriage work.

So she came home and we talked that night, then in the morning she confessed to what she did, she has since told me she was sorry for what she did to me, I told her still I was willing to try to forgive and we would leave it in Gods hands. I said just because I am willing to forgive does not mean I am not going to feel the pain of what she has done to me. I may be the stupidest man on earth for even trying to keep this going but like I said the misery would never stop if we split apart because there would be no real winners in the end. I pushed her away not realizing what I had and neglecting her thinking it was ok, but I found out too late that it was too late, the damage was done. I still do desire change and be more a Godly man, she has been a Christian woman for well over a decade now, she has prayed for me, but it took us going to the brink of destruction for me to consider change that otherwise no other way would have worked. I do honestly want this to work but I don't know if it will or not, she has stated she wants to re-commit to our marriage and give it a chance, I just pray for strength to make it happen. I ask you for your prayers and thank you.


PS. Yes we have just finished watching fireproof.

 

[secularhermit]

Wow! you are a good man.

I vote you would change and, if you don´t do it for her, I hope you do it FOR YOU.

You deserve a better living, my friend.

 

[JesusistheChrist]

Thank you for your advice, I will give more to this story, yes we have 5 children the youngest being 10 and the oldest 23, she has said I never paid attention to her and that the breaking point was when I said I would not change for her and not quit drinking, I bought her a promise ring on Christmas day with 3 diamonds signifying my vow that I would quit drinking and start to be a better man, the 3 diamonds represent me, her and God. At the time she did not believe I would change and pursued the affair, the man who wooed her told her things she said I would never say, like how beautiful she was and that she deserved better, and that led to them being intimate with each other. She would not come home for a couple days so I phoned her and told her that I was sorry for everything and wanted to make this marriage work.

So she came home and we talked that night, then in the morning she confessed to what she did, she has since told me she was sorry for what she did to me, I told her still I was willing to try to forgive and we would leave it in Gods hands. I said just because I am willing to forgive does not mean I am not going to feel the pain of what she has done to me. I may be the stupidest man on earth for even trying to keep this going but like I said the misery would never stop if we split apart because there would be no real winners in the end. I pushed her away not realizing what I had and neglecting her thinking it was ok, but I found out too late that it was too late, the damage was done. I still do desire change and be more a Godly man, she has been a Christian woman for well over a decade now, she has prayed for me, but it took us going to the brink of destruction for me to consider change that otherwise no other way would have worked. I do honestly want this to work but I don't know if it will or not, she has stated she wants to re-commit to our marriage and give it a chance, I just pray for strength to make it happen. I ask you for your prayers and thank you.


PS. Yes we have just finished watching fireproof.

I hope that everything works out for you, I really do (and with God's help, it can), but I have to say that "a Christian woman" doesn't go around having affairs. IOW, she needs to genuinely repent before both God and you if this is ever going to work. Of course, you need to follow through with your own areas in which you need to change too, but don't put all of the blame for this upon yourself. IOW, your wife is as guilty as you are.

P.S.

I honestly didn't like "Fireproof". It's been a while since I've seen it, but parts of the movie grieved me.

 

[AnnieH]

Thank you for your advice, I will give more to this story, yes we have 5 children the youngest being 10 and the oldest 23, she has said I never paid attention to her and that the breaking point was when I said I would not change for her and not quit drinking, I bought her a promise ring on Christmas day with 3 diamonds signifying my vow that I would quit drinking and start to be a better man, the 3 diamonds represent me, her and God. At the time she did not believe I would change and pursued the affair, the man who wooed her told her things she said I would never say, like how beautiful she was and that she deserved better, and that led to them being intimate with each other. She would not come home for a couple days so I phoned her and told her that I was sorry for everything and wanted to make this marriage work.

So she came home and we talked that night, then in the morning she confessed to what she did, she has since told me she was sorry for what she did to me, I told her still I was willing to try to forgive and we would leave it in Gods hands. I said just because I am willing to forgive does not mean I am not going to feel the pain of what she has done to me. I may be the stupidest man on earth for even trying to keep this going but like I said the misery would never stop if we split apart because there would be no real winners in the end. I pushed her away not realizing what I had and neglecting her thinking it was ok, but I found out too late that it was too late, the damage was done. I still do desire change and be more a Godly man, she has been a Christian woman for well over a decade now, she has prayed for me, but it took us going to the brink of destruction for me to consider change that otherwise no other way would have worked. I do honestly want this to work but I don't know if it will or not, she has stated she wants to re-commit to our marriage and give it a chance, I just pray for strength to make it happen. I ask you for your prayers and thank you.


PS. Yes we have just finished watching fireproof.

Thank you for the additional details. It's much easier to understand now. I commend you for wanting to make a change. Your hard work in changing -- even if you don't always succeed -- could be enough for her. The fact that she wants to work it out means you have a partner again. I'll pray for you both.

 

[presidente]

My wife has admitted she has had an affair for past month, she said she cares for him, but also said she came back to try and repair our marriage, I said I am willing to forgive her and try to reconcile our marriage because I believe if we just give up things will not be any better, am I foolish to be thinking like this, I have prayed and sought out God for answers, any words of advice would be greatly appreciated, just because I said I would forgive does not mean I still don't feel pain. Sorry this is how my first post has to be.

I think it is a good thing to take someone back after this. Of course you absolutely have to forgive.

Practically, if you take her back, I think you should insist that she decides "him or me" right away. She has to decide on you, and that means cut off all contact with the man. She writes an email or letter saying she wants nothing to do with him. It may involve blocking his phone number or texts. If it doesn't work, you may need to visit him.

Btw, is this a full-blown physical affair? I assume that's what you mean. If it's an 'emotional affair' only, not accepting her back shouldn't be an option on the table, IMO.

There could be a number of things that have opened her up for this situation. If there are things that set her up for this that she hasn't wanted to change, this may be a time to address it, now that she wants you to take her back. You don't want to live with an adulteress, so you can tell her what you expect of her. You get access to all passwords, phone and computer. She lets you know from now on if a man flirts with her or if she gets a flirty PM on Facebook or from a high school boyfriend. And she doesn't go out without you knowing where she is going. No coming back after four hours so that you don't know where she went. If she has an I-phone, you can have an app that lets you know where she is. It sounds untrusting, but she has violated your trust and has to build it up again. This sort of thing also frees her up for a while from thinking that she can get away with this stuff and may take the edge off the temptation. If she's really intent on having affairs, she can get a Track phone or Net10 or something cheap like that and communicate that way and sneak around. But now that it's out of the bag. she may be willing to let it go, and work on trying to rebuild trust.

If she has any cheating girlfriends she hangs out with, her peer group has to change right away. She can't hang out with adulterous friends or newly divorced friends who dumped their husbands for no good reason. Hopefully there are some godly friends that can replace them

And if you have any other marriage problems, you both go to work on them right away. That may mean marriage counseling.

 

[breno785au]

How refreshing it is to see someone who wants to see their marriage work, to forgive, to work things out that will inevitably make you, your wife and relationship stronger and happier in the long run. So refreshing, it makes me so happy!
I pray that you are able to sort things out in love and that you would continue in it!

 

[Angela53510]

I do hope you will try to remediate your marriage by telling your wife she is beautiful, and making her feel loved. I hope you realize you drove your wife to this by withholding your love and encouragement and it didn't have to happen.

Please treat your wife like she is a princess or a movie star. But also like the precious gift of God a wife is. Praying for you to get some counseling and for restoration for your marriage.

 

[SnowyRiver]

I thank you all for your advice and guidance, I leave our fate in Gods hands.

 

[AVoice]

Do not accept that you have a choice to divorce her for her adultery. You do not have that choice in Christ. The teaching that Jesus allows divorce for adultery is antichrist.
The NT tells us to be tenderhearted, forgiving one another. That is what divorce is not: it is not forgiving. A hard heart and not forgiving go hand in hand. Remember how Jesus said Moses allowed divorce for the hardness of their hearts? Well, he was speaking truth. If you divorce, you are manifesting a hard heart.
If your marriage was lawful to begin with then you are bound to each other until one of you is dead. Like Adam and Eve.
If your marriage is adultery by virtue that at least one of you is divorced and a former lawful spouse is still alive, then you should not be together in the first place.

 

[JesusistheChrist]

I hope you realize you drove your wife to this by withholding your love and encouragement and it didn't have to happen.

I hope that he realizes no such thing as it simply isn't true. We're all accountable for our own actions and his wife is as guilty as he is in this matter and she needs to repent of her actions as much as he does...if not more.