Just being honest - it's easy to get bitter, being single, on e-harmony

[thecreationtutor]

Sure, marriage can be your end goal. But how about try a coffee date first?

So what does your profile say? What are you saying to the other members? What sort of women are you messaging?

yes, i know, that! coffee yes

 

[Shouryu]

I am currently having dinner with my best friend not named Angie, and the whole reason that he is in town is to introduce me to the woman he met on eHarmony three months ago.

Let me describe this man to you.

He is obese. He is socially inept when it comes to dealing with anyone unfamiliar to him. He is not a particularly positive person. His job is not exciting. He only listens to orchestral music. Anything that isn't going to work, staying at home, or going out to eat, is an extreme chore to him (just the act of buying groceries stresses him out). He is an Agnostic, who is only no-longer-an-Athiest because I made the point that the inability to prove God's existence does not disprove His existence. He constantly bemoaned the state of his life.

Now he sits here with his Catholic girlfriend from eHarmony, quite content.

 

[Descyple]

Hey Creationtutuor, don't fell bad about giving up on eHarmony. It happens with a lot of us. That is why the "e" in eHarmony stands for "Enough Already"

 

[ServantStrike]

I am currently having dinner with my best friend not named Angie, and the whole reason that he is in town is to introduce me to the woman he met on eHarmony three months ago.

Let me describe this man to you.

He is obese. He is socially inept when it comes to dealing with anyone unfamiliar to him. He is not a particularly positive person. His job is not exciting. He only listens to orchestral music. Anything that isn't going to work, staying at home, or going out to eat, is an extreme chore to him (just the act of buying groceries stresses him out). He is an Agnostic, who is only no-longer-an-Athiest because I made the point that the inability to prove God's existence does not disprove His existence. He constantly bemoaned the state of his life.

Now he sits here with his Catholic girlfriend from eHarmony, quite content.

Thats.....


Encouraging and terrifying at the same time.

 

[wisebeardman]

I don't want to have anymore children,.

so no 10 kids eh?

 

[JustAnotherUser]

So sure, I have a profile on e-harmony, I live in a small area, not a lot of Christians in the area, trying to find a wife. It is kind of frustrating, I wish I was better looking, i suppose, or maybe i should become bulimic or something to lose weight

Because eating disorders can be used very lightly and one day a person makes that choice to become that way.

 

[thecreationtutor]

if you want to write something with the intention of venting your frustration, i understand that. and maybe it's not fair that you're not getting a lot of interest, but there is probably something you can do about that.

i don't know what your health situation is, but health matters. why wouldn't a woman care about that? for me, health is kind of a big deal. the idea of you joking about being a bulimic to lose weight isn't terribly funny--and sort of tells me that you might have your priorities messed up, because health isn't just a scale number. health is a reflection of a holistic condition.

here's something to think about. do you believe that you deserve to be with a healthy woman? emotionally? spiritually? physically?

the fact is, most of those women have options, and what they're looking for healthy. confident, and secure. someone who is grateful, happy, and values himself as evidenced by the effort/care taken to be a good steward with the most important resource you'll ever have -- your body.

i'm sure there are women who will accept less, but you'll need to change your expectations. i apologize if this sounds harsh, as it's not my intention to offend, but to be helpful. : )

finally, i would ask a couple female friends to review your profile. someone who knows you well and can possibly help you refine it to reflect an accurate, yet positive reflection. i have seen a handful of guy's profiles, and some of them read as depressed or downtrodden. even verging on pitiable.

i think intention was to sound modest, but it reads as "woe is me". and women aren't attracted to a negative, insecure, or anything that sounds like a "feel sorry for me" tone. this may not be your problem at all, but it could be a real problem if it is.

also, stop worrying about the numbers. big deal if you haven't had a lot of success. how many women are you really looking for in the end?

most guys confidence, is in their desire for sex, is it that women secretly want to be objectified like that?


Mentally, emotionally healthy, probably not the best physical shape - but are we making a list of perfection?

not looking of "numbers" but a number 1

 

[Lynx]

Most guys confidence is in their desire for sex? What does that mean?

Personally I am very confident in my agility, balance and ability to get a job done quickly and correctly. I am also confident in my good humor, sharp wit and general good mood. And certain songs I feel strongly about, I am confident I can sing them well.

But I've never posted anything on eharmony so it's kind of irrelevant to dating...

 

[LionEyes]

most guys confidence, is in their desire for sex, is it that women secretly want to be objectified like that?

What does that even mean?

And yet again, what does your profile say? What do you say in your messages?

 

[raf]

Maybe its not about looks, but in general if you're trying to find a gf on the internet I would think that wouldn't be that great of an idea if they cant get a boyfriend in real life there must be a reason.

 

[christian74]

When I was on eHarmony, I was most drawn to pictures that showed character and humor. I will never forget one profile picture of a man sitting in a huge field of red tulips with just his head popping out. It didn't matter what he looked like or how much he weighed. The adorable humor of the situation was what charmed me. What kind of guy crawls into a field of tulips and gets his picture taken? I wanted to know.

Good stuff Grace, good stuff.

I took your advice and changed my profile just like that - although had to improvise little and now it's my neighbor's weed plantation instead of a field of red tulips. Let's see how it goes.

 

[greentree]

Yes, it's hard not to take it personal when there's no response to smiles/messages on dating sites. However, a lot of the time the person hasn't checked their profile in awhile or they are already dating someone else so it's not always personal....hope that helps!

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

Good stuff Grace, good stuff.

I took your advice and changed my profile just like that - although had to improvise little and now it's my neighbor's weed plantation instead of a field of red tulips. Let's see how it goes.

Hmm. I wish you all the best with your improvised plan. If this falls through, try taking your picture in a sea of styrofoam packing peanuts. Less eco-friendly, but just as fun.

 

[CatHerder]

hmmm, Grace.

We don't have tulips here, but we do have daffodils. If I post a pic of me frolicking in a field of daffodils, can we go out for coffee?



Oh, and there is that little matter of being 1881.55 miles away (I Mapquested it). We'll cross that bridge when the time comes...

 

[secularhermit]

Maybe its not about looks, but in general if you're trying to find a gf on the internet I would think that wouldn't be that great of an idea if they cant get a boyfriend in real life there must be a reason.

Real life shows the real ones people are and it´s easy to be "picky".

In a limited "space" like that (the internet) you could access people´s soul, what they really are (if they sincere) accordingly to Jesus words: "...from the abundance of the MOUTH their soul speaks"

 

[wisebeardman]

well.... there is always the mail order bride route.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

hmmm, Grace.

We don't have tulips here, but we do have daffodils. If I post a pic of me frolicking in a field of daffodils, can we go out for coffee?

View attachment 95917

Oh, and there is that little matter of being 1881.55 miles away (I Mapquested it). We'll cross that bridge when the time comes...

You may need to document yourself frolicking across 1881.55 miles in order to get that coffee.

 

[wisebeardman]

Grace never answers my questions >_>

 

[seoulsearch]

Pffft.

Just wait 'til I post pictures of me frolicking in the midst of my houseplants.

Of course, that would be... had any of them survived... but we won't talk about that.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

Grace never answers my questions >_>

Did you ask a question? Mail order brides actually arrive submersed in packing peanuts, so you get a two-in-one deal there. Be sure to take pictures as you are opening the box!