Please Help - B/F told me he is lead to witness/pray for mainly young woman + more

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Lily777

Guest
#1
#1
Hi, please help?
I really would love some feedback and advice/counsel from as many as possible. (He is a Christian, he claims Jesus Christ is Lord openly and goes by the Word of God)



My b/f (who is 47) after one year has took a turn that I don't understand and would like as much counsel as possible, please.
About six months ago he started going to an online gaming website called Vegas World. It's just a game website. But in it, you can create a character, go play slots, bingo, poker. You can go to the "dance club", go to the "bar", or the pool. You can dress your character up in barely any clothes or just swimsuits or you can put on full clothes. You can have parties and people come to these parties to get "charms". You can also give other players gifts, like roses, kisses, or party passes, outfits, swimsuits.
My b/f says he is only hooking up with only Christians there. He says he believes he is called mainly to witness and pray and counsel younger woman there in the game. He says he only speaks with them briefly in "pm" and then prays for them. Though all the while he goes to these online game parties with them. He says it's harmless and he is doing good. (My gut, my whole being is churning, and I feel like I'm being played a fool.)

I've gotten jealous over all these "new" woman he keeps meeting, even though he says they are all Christians, and they are all going to gather online to these parties and just pray together. He now says I'm too judgmental and insecure. Am I? Are some men called to witness to young woman? Please Help!
 
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Lily777

Guest
#2
#2
PS - MEN in the church- I would particularily like to hear from you. You are the leaders and I'm so confused by this, and if I need correction, please tell me so.

I just want to add more detail.. that I have gotten jealous over these new woman online he's meeting at parties - he adds them to his friends list and gives them roses and party passes and gifts. He says they are all Christians, he tells me who they are, and he wants me to meet them.

But I'm thinking - WHY would we even have to go there? He's saying well these people need Salvation too. Yes, true Amen - but he's meeting Christian women ( a few men too) but mainly it's woman as he says that is who is called to witness/pray/counsel to.

He also at one time in our relationship told me he "loves beautiful woman". That never leaves my head also. I mean he's being honest which is great, but it also made me weary. He says I lack trust in him and that I'm too insecure.

He's even got a couple people in the game Vegas World saying that I'm being too insecure. Feel free to tell if I am.


Please help me. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. He is King of kings and Lord of lords.
I believe the Bible is the inerrant Word of God, and am of no particular denomination. (Just so you know my background)

I feel even stupid asking this, but I need Godly advice, please. And thank you so much in advance.

Now this is just a "game" I know.

But am I being too judgmental like he says I'm being? Do you think I need "help" too like he says I need help?
 
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atwhatcost

Guest
#3
#3
Lily777 said:
Hi, please help?
I really would love some feedback and advice/counsel from as many as possible. (He is a Christian, he claims Jesus Christ is Lord openly and goes by the Word of God)



My b/f (who is 47) after one year has took a turn that I don't understand and would like as much counsel as possible, please.
About six months ago he started going to an online gaming website called Vegas World. It's just a game website. But in it, you can create a character, go play slots, bingo, poker. You can go to the "dance club", go to the "bar", or the pool. You can dress your character up in barely any clothes or just swimsuits or you can put on full clothes. You can have parties and people come to these parties to get "charms". You can also give other players gifts, like roses, kisses, or party passes, outfits, swimsuits.
My b/f says he is only hooking up with only Christians there. He says he believes he is called mainly to witness and pray and counsel younger woman there in the game. He says he only speaks with them briefly in "pm" and then prays for them. Though all the while he goes to these online game parties with them. He says it's harmless and he is doing good. (My gut, my whole being is churning, and I feel like I'm being played a fool.)

I've gotten jealous over all these "new" woman he keeps meeting, even though he says they are all Christians, and they are all going to gather online to these parties and just pray together. He now says I'm too judgmental and insecure. Am I? Are some men called to witness to young woman? Please Help!
Click to expand...
(This is related, so please be patient.)

Back in the 90s, I had a good friend in an AOL Born-again chatroom. I'm not sure who I'd be today if it weren't for her. She was a strong Christian women with a solid marriage of 30 years, loved her hubby and kids dearly, and, when I was first hit with my disability (back when I didn't know it was permanent but assumed as soon as doctors figured out what was wrong they could fix it), she was the one who stuck with me while I moaned, groaned, whined and yelled at God for making me in pain.

She's even the one who sent me my first teddy bear -- the larger one in my avatar. She reached out and stuck by me.

She's like me, in that we both relate more to guys than gals, so it felt natural that her other three friends were guys in that chat. In private emails she'd tell me the one young Christian had an infatuation with her, but nothing would come of it, because she dearly loved her hubby. She had absolutely no interest in him, other than to witness to him and treat him like Jesus commanded us.

Well, like I said, she stuck by me when I first became disabled. The only problem was I was severely disabled, to the point of spending hours face down in my bed, because that was the only position that didn't exacerbate my pain. It had to be straight faced down, so I couldn't even use my laptop. She stuck by me, but I couldn't stick around to do anything back then but hold up until a doctor would finally help me.

I left that chat for a year, until a doctor finally did help me. When I went back, she wasn't around, but I really wanted to thank her again, so I e-mailed her. No answer.

I would send her and her hubby Christmas cards and thank her again for her help. No responses.

After three more attempts to contact her in e-mails in the course of 1.5 years, I finally got the answer I never expected -- from her hubby.

It hurt him every time I emailed him, because she had left him for that young guy stalking her. I couldn't have been more shocked if I read that Abraham and Sarah broke up. 30+ years in the Lord, she loved her hubby, who was also a good man and a Christian, and she threw all that away because some young stud fancied her.

So, no, just no! Tell your hubby you have problems with this one. His intentions may be good, but they're still bad in so many ways. Just no!

There's a reason it's a bad idea to hang out with the opposite gender constantly as a Christian. The spirit may be willing, but the flesh is weaker than we can imagine.
 
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Lily777

Guest
#4
#4
Thank you so very much AtWhatCost. Your time and advice on this is invaluable. God bless you.

I have told him I have a problem, but he says it's "my problem" and that I'm being too insecure, too jealous, and too judgmental. That's why I cry, am upset and at wits end.

I'm looking forward to more and more replies.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#6
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#6
From a man's perspective, Lilly, he is "gaming" both you and himself. Ask him why MEN's souls (of any age) aren't just as important as YOUNG women.

This is playing with fire, and he needs to wake up and act like a man. (He is reverting to acting like a boy, right now... a boy who thinks he is attractive to younger women in a way he didn't think he was when he was really young, himself.)

Unfortunately, it sounds like he is possibly going through "Mid Life Crisis" (Yes, it is VERY real), and this sort of thing tears apart multiple thousands of relationships every year.
 
Joidevivre

Joidevivre

Senior Member
#8
Jul 15, 2014
3,838
271
83
#8
I would call your "gut churning" feelings discernment instead of insecurity. Be true to that inner voice you have as a Christian.
That is how the Holy Spirit guides us.

Joi
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#9
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#9
Joidevivre said:
I would call your "gut churning" feelings discernment instead of insecurity. Be true to that inner voice you have as a Christian.
That is how the Holy Spirit guides us.

Joi
Click to expand...
Or, even perhaps nothing more than simply "common sense."
 
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Lily777

Guest
#10
#10
Willie-T said:
Or, even perhaps nothing more than simply "common sense."
Click to expand...

Thank you all so very much.

I asked a few people in another chat (married Christian men) and one said this: "He is playing with fire. He "wants" to sin, as he's going to this "game" even. And that he is being a Coward being a screen".


Thing is about this all, is that I DO care about him. Some have said it's his maturity level.

I've also tried to tell him, my b/f that it's just common sense too.

But he lashed back vehemently saying how insecure and judgmental and jealous I was being and that I need help.

Thank you again. More and more is better.

I would like to show him this.... so he can see that it's not "just me"..but the Body of Christ as believers..we are weak and He is strong so yes we DO have to set Boundaries, especially in marriage.

God bless you.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#11
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#11
Lily777 said:
Thank you all so very much.

I asked a few people in another chat (married Christian men) and one said this: "He is playing with fire. He "wants" to sin, as he's going to this "game" even. And that he is being a Coward being a screen".


Thing is about this all, is that I DO care about him. Some have said it's his maturity level.

I've also tried to tell him, my b/f that it's just common sense too.

But he lashed back vehemently saying how insecure and judgmental and jealous I was being and that I need help.

Thank you again. More and more is better.

I would like to show him this.... so he can see that it's not "just me"..but the Body of Christ as believers..we are weak and He is strong so yes we DO have to set Boundaries, especially in marriage.

God bless you.
Click to expand...
Trust me, it's not YOU. And he knows it! Even his lashing out demonstrates so vividly that he knows it, too. Defensiveness and blaming others is the most prominent sign of a guilty conscience.
 
notuptome

notuptome

Senior Member
#12
May 17, 2013
15,050
2,538
113
#12
Pretty fantastic story. All fantasy and not fact. God does not call men of his age to "witness" to younger women. Even devout men can be tempted in situations like the one you describe.

He is transferring his guilt onto you by blaming you for being insecure. Much like a drunk saying he just hangs out in bars because he likes the environment but doesn't go there to drink.

Go to your pastor and take him along with you. He needs to be confronted with his actions. If you are hurt now it is nothing compared to what lies ahead. It will not get better unless you act to correct the behavior pattern that is developing.

The women on those sites are not there for Christian Fellowship. Your church doesn't have poker night does it? I wonder how he would feel if you were led to witness to younger men?

For the cause of Christ
Roger
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#13
#13
Lily777 said:
Hi, please help?
I really would love some feedback and advice/counsel from as many as possible. (He is a Christian, he claims Jesus Christ is Lord openly and goes by the Word of God)



My b/f (who is 47) after one year has took a turn that I don't understand and would like as much counsel as possible, please.
About six months ago he started going to an online gaming website called Vegas World. It's just a game website. But in it, you can create a character, go play slots, bingo, poker. You can go to the "dance club", go to the "bar", or the pool. You can dress your character up in barely any clothes or just swimsuits or you can put on full clothes. You can have parties and people come to these parties to get "charms". You can also give other players gifts, like roses, kisses, or party passes, outfits, swimsuits.
My b/f says he is only hooking up with only Christians there. He says he believes he is called mainly to witness and pray and counsel younger woman there in the game. He says he only speaks with them briefly in "pm" and then prays for them. Though all the while he goes to these online game parties with them. He says it's harmless and he is doing good. (My gut, my whole being is churning, and I feel like I'm being played a fool.)

I've gotten jealous over all these "new" woman he keeps meeting, even though he says they are all Christians, and they are all going to gather online to these parties and just pray together. He now says I'm too judgmental and insecure. Am I? Are some men called to witness to young woman? Please Help!
Click to expand...


So I figured the simplest way to answer your question was to go to the site myself and have a look. First I dont know why a Christian would be on a gambling site,guess Im old fashioned but I was brought up that gambling was wrong for a Christian.Anyhow,besides that I went to these "party" rooms.Every avatar of a woman was dressed sexually provocatively,I mean everyone! But if these poor half dressed ladies need the gospel then YOU should be witnessing to them NOT him.Most pastors,with any common sense, never council a woman alone.I know a lot of pastors who fell that way. Online or in person your b/f has no business playing a game talking to women or "witnessing" to women without you being there and being a part of it.

Before I got married and my husband and I started dating,once we became serious all contact,ALL other contact of the opposite sex online was dropped. A couple people got mad and stopped talking to me. I said it is not appropriate for me to be having male friends online once I became serious with my now husband.That was like three weeks into the relationship.We both agreed we would not be dating anyone else. A married friend of the family offered to drive me home,just he and I,a few Sundays ago and I politely refused. You do what makes your partner comfortable and I knew my husband would not appreciate it and I dont blame him.Before you marry you better straighten some things out my dear.If its ok for him to "witness" I saw some men on there that looked like they needed to be "witnessed" to also. How would he feel? If that wouldnt bother him you need to take a second look at your relationship and see how serious he really feels about you.Its better to know now before you marry,it will be a lot more painful after if he has an issue with women and being faithful.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#14
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#14
kaylagrl said:
So I figured the simplest way to answer your question was to go to the site myself and have a look. First I dont know why a Christian would be on a gambling site,guess Im old fashioned but I was brought up that gambling was wrong for a Christian.Anyhow,besides that I went to these "party" rooms.Every avatar of a woman was dressed sexually provocatively,I mean everyone! But if these poor half dressed ladies need the gospel then YOU should be witnessing to them NOT him.Most pastors,with any common sense, never council a woman alone.I know a lot of pastors who fell that way. Online or in person your b/f has no business playing a game talking to women or "witnessing" to women without you being there and being a part of it.

Before I got married and my husband and I started dating,once we became serious all contact,ALL other contact of the opposite sex online was dropped. A couple people got mad and stopped talking to me. I said it is not appropriate for me to be having male friends online once I became serious with my now husband.That was like three weeks into the relationship.We both agreed we would not be dating anyone else. A married friend of the family offered to drive me home,just he and I,a few Sundays ago and I politely refused. You do what makes your partner comfortable and I knew my husband would not appreciate it and I dont blame him.Before you marry you better straighten some things out my dear.If its ok for him to "witness" I saw some men on there that looked like they needed to be "witnessed" to also. How would he feel? If that wouldnt bother him you need to take a second look at your relationship and see how serious he really feels about you.Its better to know now before you marry,it will be a lot more painful after if he has an issue with women and being faithful.
Click to expand...
You said a mouthful, Kalagirl. This post bears paying some good attention to.
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#15
#15
Lily777 said:
Thank you all so very much.

I asked a few people in another chat (married Christian men) and one said this: "He is playing with fire. He "wants" to sin, as he's going to this "game" even. And that he is being a Coward being a screen".




Thing is about this all, is that I DO care about him. Some have said it's his maturity level.

I've also tried to tell him, my b/f that it's just common sense too.

But he lashed back vehemently saying how insecure and judgmental and jealous I was being and that I need help.

Thank you again. More and more is better.

I would like to show him this.... so he can see that it's not "just me"..but the Body of Christ as believers..we are weak and He is strong so yes we DO have to set Boundaries, especially in marriage.

God bless you.
Click to expand...



Its not you! He's wrong and trying to make you look crazy is making him look childish.A grown Christian man would not act this way. Perhaps instead of "witnessing" to half dressed women in a chat room he should be going to some mens meetings at your local church and learning how to become a mature Christian man. There are plenty of places to witness to people. Places that you can both witness together. If theres nothing going on then he can witness along with you at the local mall,the grocery,the gas stop,a restaurant, a park....see lots of places! He needs to grow up and prove he can be a man before you consider a deeper relationship with him.Thats my take as a married woman.
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#16
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#16
kaylagrl said:
Its not you! He's wrong and trying to make you look crazy is making him look childish.A grown Christian man would not act this way. Perhaps instead of "witnessing" to half dressed women in a chat room he should be going to some mens meetings at your local church and learning how to become a mature Christian man. There are plenty of places to witness to people. Places that you can both witness together. If theres nothing going on then he can witness along with you at the local mall,the grocery,the gas stop,a restaurant, a park....see lots of places! He needs to grow up and prove he can be a man before you consider a deeper relationship with him.Thats my take as a married woman.
Click to expand...
You GO, girl!
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#17
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#17
notuptome said:
Pretty fantastic story. All fantasy and not fact. God does not call men of his age to "witness" to younger women. Even devout men can be tempted in situations like the one you describe.

He is transferring his guilt onto you by blaming you for being insecure. Much like a drunk saying he just hangs out in bars because he likes the environment but doesn't go there to drink.

Go to your pastor and take him along with you. He needs to be confronted with his actions. If you are hurt now it is nothing compared to what lies ahead. It will not get better unless you act to correct the behavior pattern that is developing.

The women on those sites are not there for Christian Fellowship. Your church doesn't have poker night does it? I wonder how he would feel if you were led to witness to younger men?

For the cause of Christ
Roger
Click to expand...
Listen well, Lilly. (A word to the wise is sufficient.)
 
cinder

cinder

Senior Member
#18
Mar 26, 2014
4,328
2,361
113
#18
There may be a few very rare occasions where someone is called to minister to another person of the opposite sex, but even in those cases, there is no compelling reason to exclude the significant other of either party from the interactions. A couple can minister or be ministered to just like an individual can.

Make him choose. He leaves Vegas World and starts living in the real world where you are and where there are plenty of better places to meet Christians, or he stays in Vegas World and loses you. And what the others have said, if it's all so above board and holy, why does he have a problem sharing it with you and letting you be a part of it?
 
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kaylagrl

Guest
#19
#19
Willie-T said:
You said a mouthful, Kalagirl. This post bears paying some good attention to.
Click to expand...

Well thank you. I had a brief "relationship" with a guy that was all wrong for me.All the sings were there and I didnt want to see it. But when I met my now husband he was honest and straight forward,I could depend on his word. I even visited his house one evening when we were just begging to date because the last guy had lied to me. He was home in bed sick like he had told me.When I tried to say sorry he said he understood but that the other guy was not a man,he was playing games like a teenager. My husband and I have complete trust in each other and we have that because those who have nothing to hide,hide nothing. All passwords,emails,accounts are open to the other.We protect our marriage and we dont talk to anyone but each other about our issues. Not even family. We make sure to run things by each other and make sure the other is comfortable with it. Thats just what adults do.Anything less is playing head games and you will never have a happy marriage acting that way.
 
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Ariel82

Guest
#20
#20
If you were my sister, I would tell you to find someone else more mature and honest with himself and you.

He is lying to himself if he thinks he is being "called" by God to minister to only young women via a computer game by giving them flowers, kisses and material things.

God tells us that older women minister to younger women. Not old men flirt and pay attention to younger women in pretend godliness.
 
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