Are you certain you have no self esteem issues? There has to be a reason deep down that you have turned away from your marriage.Can you pin point when that began to happen? When did you start turning outside your marriage for affection? My guess is that you feel empty because you gave the very deepest part of yourself to this other man. Maybe you felt he could solve your problems? Make you feel loved,cherished? Make you feel like the center of attention? Something along those lines.You feel empty because you're using him to fill a need only God can fill,unconditional love.
The Holy Spirit is convicting you thats certain.You say you havent been content for a long time,what do you mean by that.What triggered that feeling for you? You're not a bad person,you're just a lost person who needs to come back to the right path.Sex is a powerful motivator.It has caused presidents to preachers to fall.Once you let yourself believe its ok its easier every time you do it.You justify it in your head.The devil never asks us to jump into sin,he tells us to stick a toe in,its not that bad,you deserve this,it feels good. An inch at a time until we're totally bound.Id like to share a song with you that my father sings often,its an old one but I think you may get something from the words.I cry when I hear it...
The Brush
Life started out like a canvas, and God started painting on me,
But I took the paintbrush from Jesus, and painted what I wished to see;
The colors I painted kept running, and the objects were all out of size.
I had made a mess of my painting, my way now seemed so unwise.
So I brought my painting to Jesus, all the colors, all the pieces, so wrong,
In the markets of earth it was worthless, but His blood made my painting belong.
He worked with no condemnation, never mentioned the mess I had made.
Then He dipped His brush in the rainbow, and He signed it, "The Price Has Been Paid."
When I gave the brush back to Jesus, when I gave the brush back to Him.
He started all over life's canvas to fill, when I gave to Jesus the brush of my will.
Composer and author Chuck Milhuff
Speer arrangement by Harold Lane
Copyright (c) 1975 Ben Speer Music
Give Him your brush my friend,let Him make a new painting of your life.