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Again agreeing with JSR...making an excuse not to confess to the one we are suppose to be one with...is also hurting them...Jenizona...ask yourself this...would you rather be hurt by the truth..or a lie...which would hurt more...not telling is living a lie. The other person will always find out, eventually.
I will be 100% honest with you. If my husband had an affair, but it was OVER and he was NEVER going to do it again... I would not want him to tell me about it. Reason being... I could not possibly imagine ever having sex with him again, to be frank. He would have enough healing to do on his own, and would carry that with him for the rest of his life.
If, however, it becomes habitual behavior... then yes, I'd want to know, so that I could leave him. Once is a mistake. Twice is a habit. Just my opinion.
The cover up is always worse than the crime... Something drove her to cheat. Why doesn't the husband deserve to know what it was, so he could change into a better man (not saying he isn't.. But there was something that drover her, even if it's a small one). Need to stop thinking of oneself, and start thinking of the other person.
If a person can't be completely 100 percent honest with the spouse, then why be married in the first place? The wife/husband wouldn't love the person enough to try and work it out. Instead, it would be "all about me" and "I don't want to lose him/her, so I will take this to the grave, even though I say 'I love you' each and every day."
D
What you do from here on out is what is going to matter. You have broken trust with your husband and your children. You have betrayed the person whom you promised your life to and you have betrayed God. Not one person here is perfect or sinless. Please don't get me wrong I'm not saying that your situation cannot be fixed because, I 100% believe God can heal any relationship if you both allow him to work in your lives. You have to be willing to give 100% of you life over to God, give Him control of everything and trust Him in all thing. Adultery is not a new topic for God. In John 8 we read this: the teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. 9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” 11 “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin. The key to these verses is at the end. Leave you life of sin. You need to work harder than ever before to gain back the trust of your husband. That means answering any question he has for you as many times as he needs to until he trusts you. It means he will question your whereabouts when you leave the house and will go through any piece of electronic you use. If you are not willing to give your husband 100% full access to your life, your marriage will not be healed. My suggestion to you is to get right with God, get help for your addiction to cheating, and come clean with your husband. Then trust God to take care of the rest. It may not end up the way you want it to but I can promise you God's way is the perfect way because it is the way that follows His plan.
B
Thank you Jenzonia... I mostly agree with what you think. In this instance the issue is not once but THREE times we have been told. My concern is that the OP is not as repentant as she needs to be... but rather is "mourning" in a convoluted way, for the loss of the other man.
I don't have a "solution" for that scenario... but it is a concern. I guess she is going to have to really search her heart and God for proper motive and procedure.
That said... I am backing out of this thread... this has been a very tough one for me... my compassion is beginning to wane as I just cannot wrap my head around WHY... nor do I really want to KNOW any of the potential excuses that will arise from continued commentary... I am more of the "faithful" minded sort of person. I have prayed earnestly for the situation and now... I am done.
I don't have a "solution" for that scenario... but it is a concern. I guess she is going to have to really search her heart and God for proper motive and procedure.
That said... I am backing out of this thread... this has been a very tough one for me... my compassion is beginning to wane as I just cannot wrap my head around WHY... nor do I really want to KNOW any of the potential excuses that will arise from continued commentary... I am more of the "faithful" minded sort of person. I have prayed earnestly for the situation and now... I am done.
I can't say what I would do. If I get married, I am hoping I never have to come to that decision. It's a whole lot easier to say divorce, when you're not involved. Love sometimes is just too strong to let go... But... If I had a wife that never told me, and I found out, I wouldn't be able to look at her the same, because I'd always have reason to believe she's lying. That, I couldn't get over and would probably have to divorce. Honesty is such a huge thing to me.
I'd rather not have someone hurt me.. But if it does happen, to be open about it. I don't think a normal person wants to be hurt.. But each and every relationship is based on trust. Faithfulness and honest go hand in hand, in my opinion. Long response that I don't even know if answered your question, but hoping it did.
J
Without going into details, back in 1971 I felt a powerful healing from astral connected passion – before anything happened. However, there’s a price to pay for being deeply entangled, even without a physical encounter. That might be what Jesus meant beyond pornography – (Matt. 5:28)
Without the Lord’s intervention, things might’ve gotten a lot worse. That’s one of the main reasons why IMO, secular psychology replacing true christian counseling and healing – has led to a lot of irreparable marriage problems. Without God the creator, marriage between two people is incomplete. It was God who instituted marriage in the first place.
Without the Lord’s intervention, things might’ve gotten a lot worse. That’s one of the main reasons why IMO, secular psychology replacing true christian counseling and healing – has led to a lot of irreparable marriage problems. Without God the creator, marriage between two people is incomplete. It was God who instituted marriage in the first place.