I'm married, but I may be doing some writing, and I wanted the perspective of some singles who are a bit younger than I am.
I recall watching a movie based on a Charles Dickens novel. Back then, men interested in marrying a woman would go to her house on Sunday afternoon. The main character went to a woman's home. Another male suitor was there. She eventually accepted a proposal from the other man.
At another point in the movie, men were discussing the possibility that a girl had formed an 'attachment' to him that he did not intend. He expressed regret over it, and wondered if he had treated her wrongly. I thought this was interesting, that in English culture 150 years ago, it was considered unethical to lead a woman on, even with the much more innocent courtship rituals they had. There were a lot of 'group date' type situations in the period-piece novels from around 1800 up through this time. (I don't actually read the books, but I've seen a few Charles Dickens and Jane Austen films).
I was thinking about some of the dating customs these days in this regard. I hear a lot of young men will just as a girl to 'hang out.' It is really unclear if they are dating or just hanging out as friends. I had a friend a year or two older than I am who did that back in the 1990's, so it is not a new thing. It took him a long time to get engaged. We had dinner and his wife said it took a long time to figure it out for her.
So I am wondering, does just 'hanging out' and nothing coming of it have a greater negative impact than a man asking a woman out on a 'date', and then he doesn't pursue the relationship? I'm thinking of a man who says, "I'd like to take you out." Maybe he shows up with flowers, opens the door, pays for the meal, and things like that. If he does that and doesn't ask for a second date, is that more emotionally painful than just 'hanging out', where it is unclear if he likes her, and not moving forward with a romantic relationship?
I recall watching a movie based on a Charles Dickens novel. Back then, men interested in marrying a woman would go to her house on Sunday afternoon. The main character went to a woman's home. Another male suitor was there. She eventually accepted a proposal from the other man.
At another point in the movie, men were discussing the possibility that a girl had formed an 'attachment' to him that he did not intend. He expressed regret over it, and wondered if he had treated her wrongly. I thought this was interesting, that in English culture 150 years ago, it was considered unethical to lead a woman on, even with the much more innocent courtship rituals they had. There were a lot of 'group date' type situations in the period-piece novels from around 1800 up through this time. (I don't actually read the books, but I've seen a few Charles Dickens and Jane Austen films).
I was thinking about some of the dating customs these days in this regard. I hear a lot of young men will just as a girl to 'hang out.' It is really unclear if they are dating or just hanging out as friends. I had a friend a year or two older than I am who did that back in the 1990's, so it is not a new thing. It took him a long time to get engaged. We had dinner and his wife said it took a long time to figure it out for her.
So I am wondering, does just 'hanging out' and nothing coming of it have a greater negative impact than a man asking a woman out on a 'date', and then he doesn't pursue the relationship? I'm thinking of a man who says, "I'd like to take you out." Maybe he shows up with flowers, opens the door, pays for the meal, and things like that. If he does that and doesn't ask for a second date, is that more emotionally painful than just 'hanging out', where it is unclear if he likes her, and not moving forward with a romantic relationship?