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My name is not important. I am not important, but my question is why would the Lord create me if my life is going to be like this? I tried many suicide attempts already and I am ready to go already. You can judge me all you want, but I want to openly express my feelings. I have been going to church all my life. I have had high faith in God the majority of my life, but the past couple of years I feel like I lost all faith. I had issues with my family since I was young. We went through homelessness and many problems. My mom was highly abusive. She would beat me and abuse me as a child. She never wanted to see me happy (because she was happen with her life) and she never communicate with me, but she always told me she loved me. One day, I stood up to my mom from the abuse. She attack me hurt me (punching me in the face and pull my hair out) but I tried to defend myself. She called the police on me, I asked her why and not too, but she want to teach me a lesson for not listening to her. Now, I have a record of assault. Life has been horrible, I give up on it, and don't want it anymore. This world isn't meant for me. They say terrible so is temporary, but the the horrible lies and my terrible so will last forever. I am bitter, I hold resentment against my mother and resentment against God, but I still love both.