To be apathetic is a grim place. You spend so much energy convincing yourself that you don't care about the bad things going on, that you are then too tired to be able to take joy in the good things. In the end, the pain still isn't completely eradicated, just considerably dulled.
This is so sad, Emily.
I wish I had some good advice for you. The only thing I can think of is that the bible says not to fret about things and not to be jealous when those who are evil are more successful or seem more blessed because it says they will soon wither away like the dead grass, and those who do good will be granted the things they desire in their hearts...
Psalm 37:1-5:
Do not fret because of evildoers,
Be not envious toward wrongdoers. For they will wither quickly like the grass
And fade like the green herb. Trust in the LORD and do good;
Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight yourself in the LORD;
And He will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him, and He will do it.
I hope you feel better, Emily.
(I actually need to take that advice myself...)