We were damned for our sin before we came to Christ. Jesus Christ cleanses us from sin. And you cannot lose your salvation. God has promised to keep us!
However, you do have to follow Christ and that means turning from your sin. The Holy Spirit will give you the power to start turning those failures into increasingly being able to follow Jesus!
So the question is, are you truly saved? We are never saved by cleaning ourselves up and making ourselves acceptable to God. Because we can never be good enough.
The Bible says we are sinners, saved by grace. We simply are not saved by works! You do sound desperate. Send me a message and we can talk about what is burdening you, and how to seek God for salvation and peace.