meeting people off the internet?? good or bad?

[artistic_dreams]

my oldest son knows this girl that he met online for about 10 yrs now....and he talked for years he wanted to meet and hang w/her......well last year he decided to do just that....now he lives in texas....she lives in new hampshire.....thats very far apart...but he took the bus up there....he didnt last 6 months w/that girl....she turned out to be a nightmare as he puts it.....now hes back in texas and they dont even talk.....but before she was his bestfriend online...../quote]

I seriously can't believe that someone you've known for about 10 years online can turn out to be a nightmare in person, unless you have high expectation from the first meeting. Even then, you gotta have known almost everything about that other person, they couldn't be talking about the weather that long, it's 10 years not 10 months...

no hon...this girl was a nightmare...she wanted a relationship, but she cheated really bad....she emotionally abused him...he unfortunately has a great big heart to forgive over and over again...heck one night she grabbed his hair w/both hands pulled him down to her level and reared backed and knocked the holy heck out of him....i know this because he called crying about it.....he had to learn the hard way about her.....she did not want him talking to us...when she found out he was on the phone w/me...oh my....she went ballistic ..so ya she was really bad news...but never acted liked that on the internet.....and yes they told each other everything....u never know how someone is til u start living w/them and such....it can get bad...

 

[DABEARS85]

no hon...this girl was a nightmare...she wanted a relationship, but she cheated really bad....she emotionally abused him...he unfortunately has a great big heart to forgive over and over again...heck one night she grabbed his hair w/both hands pulled him down to her level and reared backed and knocked the holy heck out of him....i know this because he called crying about it.....he had to learn the hard way about her.....she did not want him talking to us...when she found out he was on the phone w/me...oh my....she went ballistic ..so ya she was really bad news...but never acted liked that on the internet.....and yes they told each other everything....u never know how someone is til u start living w/them and such....it can get bad...

I think your son needed to learn how to be a man. I don't care how bad the girl may be... the fact that she is abusing him and he calls you crying shows enough about his character. I understand women will walk on men if we let them, but has anyone ever told your son to stop letting them? I mean was this his first relationship or something? This whole story portrays your son as someone who was completely unable to stand up for himself as a man, and then he went to his parents crying about every little problem. I hope this doesn't offend you too much, but perhaps you were enabling it? The girl was definitely bad news, but no man should be a doormat like that to a woman. I just don't understand how his solution would be to call you crying after she "hit" him and emotionally abused him. This is not how he should have handled things.

 

[penguingal]

no hon...this girl was a nightmare...she wanted a relationship, but she cheated really bad....she emotionally abused him...he unfortunately has a great big heart to forgive over and over again...heck one night she grabbed his hair w/both hands pulled him down to her level and reared backed and knocked the holy heck out of him....i know this because he called crying about it.....he had to learn the hard way about her.....she did not want him talking to us...when she found out he was on the phone w/me...oh my....she went ballistic ..so ya she was really bad news...but never acted liked that on the internet.....and yes they told each other everything....u never know how someone is til u start living w/them and such....it can get bad...

Sorry but I kinda agree with Dabear there, even if i'm a girl I'll give that girl a good kick if she ever thinks of pulling my hair and gets away with it and ooooo I hate cheaters grrrr

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

no hon...this girl was a nightmare...she wanted a relationship, but she cheated really bad....she emotionally abused him...he unfortunately has a great big heart to forgive over and over again...heck one night she grabbed his hair w/both hands pulled him down to her level and reared backed and knocked the holy heck out of him....i know this because he called crying about it.....he had to learn the hard way about her.....she did not want him talking to us...when she found out he was on the phone w/me...oh my....she went ballistic ..so ya she was really bad news...but never acted liked that on the internet.....and yes they told each other everything....u never know how someone is til u start living w/them and such....it can get bad...

wow thats really.........insane!!

 

[HeartOfGod]

Heart, I read that story... but isn't this just common sense? Who gives their number out to random strangers? Talk to the person first... and even if someone knows where you live, it doesn't mean anything. I sure wouldn't call the police if some girl tried saying she knew where I lived... or even a guy for that matter. Now, if they broke into my house? I would probably call, but I also would be doing my best to kick the a;fjd;a out of him too. The girl I would just tell her to leave.

I think people overexaggerate the whole online sexual predator thing. I mean... if you are 12 years old... don't go meet someone from the internet. If you are an older age, you should know how to take care of yourself and find what is appropriate by then. It isn't rocket science here... if the person looks shady... don't meet them. Meet at a public place. Don't go to the person's house on the first date. How hard is this?

Yes it is common sense but not every one thinks with common sense or has had enough experience with people or situations. When a person is young and in their teens they can be some what naive in some cases and yes there are even naive Christians who don't know what it's like to deal with such characters. If person has lived in the world before they became a Christian then they will know much more then a Christian who has lived a more sheltered life. When I was a teenager I had no clue about things and I was naive for a teenager around my time. Just remember not every one matures at the same rate or thinks the same way. You are generalizing this with every one that every one should know better when perhaps they don't.

 

[QuestionTime]

ok so there are alot of predators out there i know this. But sayif you have known someone for a very long time would you go visit them if you have never met them before in your life and met them on somewhere like on say CC? because i have had a cousin do this and he married the girl. This did not turn out so well the had kids together and fought non-stop. do you think you can really get to know someone online good enuff to want a relationship with them or have somethingmore then friendship if you like 3000miles away??

There are plenty of people who "meet in person" and they have kids together and fight non-stop (doesn't just happen with online dating). Unless these people got married about a month after they met, I don't think we can say that they hardly knew each-other.

Take time to get to know them, visit them often. It's just like with any relationship, the more you hang out the better you know them.

Of course, the main concern should be loving God as #1 in your life. If your mind isn't on earthly things, and the other person's mind isn't on earthly things, you know you are good to go.

Truly, it is amazing to speak with heavenly minded women. You can tell constantly that their focus is not on this world.

Quest

 

[QuestionTime]

This is not how he should have handled things.

This is not an easy situation for a man to handle. It's not easy, and I had a woman go somewhat crazy on me like that once upon a time.

I couldn't get her out of the house, I couldn't afford to move either as she bled me dry. You can't really just turn around and fight back, or you know if the police get called it's you who is going to be in trouble. As well, you don't want to hit back anyway because you know it isn't right.

It's a difficult situation to face for a man. But if he has the ability to pack his bags and move out than he ought to do so pronto.

I think too of all of those women who make a public scene yelling at their man. The guys are just paralyzed because of embarrassment, and if they were to yell back they would look like the bad ones in the public eye.

(I met this crazy woman in person, not online, just so you know).

Quest

 

[grace]

I am reading some of these stories, and I have to say......it takes TWO people to have a relationship/friendship.

If a relationship is great, there is NO way the relationship can be great because of one person.

If the relationship is bad, there is NO way the relationship can be bad because of just one of the people either.

I heard a quote once that said, "You teach people how to treat you." When I first heard it I was offended because I had thoughts of , "Nooooo, I did not 'teach' this person that it was acceptable to lie to me." OR, "I did not teach them it is ok for them to stay out all hours of the night and not call."
BUT, reality is...these things start out so small, and the first couple times you tell yourself it won't happen again etc. Then when it keeps happening, you think you can change the person...so you allow it to continue because you think that ifyou love them enough etc that they will want to change for you etc.

There is a song by Casting Crowns called Slow Fade....it talks about this. How things start out so small that you do not even notice...then one day it explodes and you wonder how your life got to where it is.

Bottom line is, if a woman *goes psycho* on you. Its because she obviously has issues she needs to deal with, BUT, also its because the guy had signs that he had noticed up until that point that she had these issues that he chose to ignore or put on hold etc.

Same goes for women. We may be the worst at it because we don't want to be alone. We want the companionship. But, there are always signs and symptoms of greater issues...and if you do not deal with them when them come along they are not just going to go away. Sometimes you have to make the hard choice to walk away from a relationship because it does not look like things will change or grow into a healthier direction. (that goes for both men and women.

With that all being said.....this happens with online relationships/friendships, as well as with people you meet in real life.

Make wise choices....weigh all the pros and cons. Let numerous people know where you will be. Make sure they have all his information. Grown up decisions take grown up reasoning.
You alone are responsible for your actions. You are not responsible for what others do, only for how you react to it. If they are doing things that make you feel uncomfortable etc...then deal with it appropriatly. If you choose to let it go on...then you are just as much a part of it as they are. I speak this from experience.

Anyway...I will stop rambling now. Just wanted to get those few things off my chest.

 

[imoss]

Mickey D's is the perfect date... It's cheap, theres no pressure to be fancy there, and if you dont like the guy your with there are windows in the bathrooms you can sneak out of.

Ha ha... my hubby & i had our first date at mcdonalds. he showed up in a 4X4 with 40 " monster mudders & said what do you wanna do (vancouver) I said lets hit a drive through & go 4wheeling! I was so sick of yuppie cars & city stuff being the country girl that I am!

Well i certianly agree with u i mean im almost 19 im a younger girl but im not 12. i can def take care of my self. but ive met a boy online and i super like him as a friend we get along great thing is hes uh 1500 miles away. i mean we met on here. and im planning on meetin him this summer. def in public

I'd bring a friend if you are going there.

Way back in the day, my husband and I were moderators in a Pennsylvania chat room together. (Back when IRC was a LOT cleaner then it is now) We did not know each other except for that. But the whole gang got together a couple times a year for a party or to go camping, and we met, and spent HOURS on the phone and on the internet. We dated, and THEN we got married.

I have a friend who met his wife online in a christian site. They've been married 10 years now.

That was 13 years ago and I love him more now then I did then. So not all chat room experiences are a bust. Some work out. Although like I said, we met several times a year for functions and stuff before we even dated. So maybe that doesnt count. But I did meet him on line

Debbie

My dad wrote letters & phoned his wife before he went to the philipinnes to marry her. I thank God for this beautiful soul, the answer to my prayers for my dad.

I met one of my best friends here in cc. She is a local girl who came from the same town I came from & moved to the same town I moved to & in the chat room she mentioned bears & moose. I said hey sounds like my back yard. In fact it was!! We have so much in common its beyond coincidence and we just laugh. Down to her dad suffering a brain anuresim & my mom had died of a brain anurism. (ok we dont laugh about that) (thats just one thing) we were both hurt as children and we both came to the Lord in a HUGE conversion after meetin our husbands. We both pray for the salvation of our families and we both like black forest ham & suiss on rye. lol. 2 weeks b4 I met her on here I prayed for a christian friend with kids who I could relate to. Well its like i'm talking to myself sometimes we relate so well & we know so many of the same people & had never met or had knowledge of one another. God really blessed me when I met nicnato!

On the flip side. My cousin debbie met a man from pakistan and he ripped her heart out using her to immigrate to canada & left her as soon as it was complete.

I guess my point is people are people. If you meet them online we now have webcams where you can face to face talk. If they choose not to do that you need to be concerned about contrived words. Its so easy to be smooooth when you can backspace and re type. Not that I'm anyones accusor, being perfect isnt necessary but being real is.

God bless all you single folks!

 

[DABEARS85]

You can't really just turn around and fight back, or you know if the police get called it's you who is going to be in trouble. As well, you don't want to hit back anyway because you know it isn't right.

I've had a live in girlfriend swing at me too before. My solution? Well I was a wrestler in high school. I ducked, took her down, pinned her there, and then forced her to calm down. If a girl wants to swing at a guy, the guy has ever right in self defense to take her down. I don't mean hit her or hurt her, but you can pick her up or whatever it takes to make sure she stops.

 

[QuestionTime]

I've had a live in girlfriend swing at me too before. My solution? Well I was a wrestler in high school. I ducked, took her down, pinned her there, and then forced her to calm down. If a girl wants to swing at a guy, the guy has ever right in self defense to take her down. I don't mean hit her or hurt her, but you can pick her up or whatever it takes to make sure she stops.

No, she didn't swing at me. She would sometimes grab my arm and twist her hands in opposite directions to pinch my skin, or she would just physically get in my way, or slam doors in my face, maybe slap my shoulder. I can't really remember now everything, but I know she never attempted to punch me in the face/stomach. It's probably not as bad as what you experienced. She was rough with my cats as well.

Her change from our dating to that experience was day/night. But I changed also, being less willing to go out driving to the beach. I got lazy playing computer games.

I can't say that I saw in her before hand that she could become physically abusive like that. But when you are a lukewarm Christian and decide to settle for a heathen mate, that's what you should expect.

Quest

 

[imoss]

I am reading some of these stories, and I have to say......it takes TWO people to have a relationship/friendship.

If a relationship is great, there is NO way the relationship can be great because of one person.

If the relationship is bad, there is NO way the relationship can be bad because of just one of the people either.

I heard a quote once that said, "You teach people how to treat you." When I first heard it I was offended because I had thoughts of , "Nooooo, I did not 'teach' this person that it was acceptable to lie to me." OR, "I did not teach them it is ok for them to stay out all hours of the night and not call."
BUT, reality is...these things start out so small, and the first couple times you tell yourself it won't happen again etc. Then when it keeps happening, you think you can change the person...so you allow it to continue because you think that ifyou love them enough etc that they will want to change for you etc.

There is a song by Casting Crowns called Slow Fade....it talks about this. How things start out so small that you do not even notice...then one day it explodes and you wonder how your life got to where it is.

Bottom line is, if a woman *goes psycho* on you. Its because she obviously has issues she needs to deal with, BUT, also its because the guy had signs that he had noticed up until that point that she had these issues that he chose to ignore or put on hold etc.

Same goes for women. We may be the worst at it because we don't want to be alone. We want the companionship. But, there are always signs and symptoms of greater issues...and if you do not deal with them when them come along they are not just going to go away. Sometimes you have to make the hard choice to walk away from a relationship because it does not look like things will change or grow into a healthier direction. (that goes for both men and women.

With that all being said.....this happens with online relationships/friendships, as well as with people you meet in real life.

Make wise choices....weigh all the pros and cons. Let numerous people know where you will be. Make sure they have all his information. Grown up decisions take grown up reasoning.
You alone are responsible for your actions. You are not responsible for what others do, only for how you react to it. If they are doing things that make you feel uncomfortable etc...then deal with it appropriatly. If you choose to let it go on...then you are just as much a part of it as they are. I speak this from experience.

Anyway...I will stop rambling now. Just wanted to get those few things off my chest.

Great post!

 

[imoss]

No, she didn't swing at me. She would sometimes grab my arm and twist her hands in opposite directions to pinch my skin, or she would just physically get in my way, or slam doors in my face, maybe slap my shoulder. I can't really remember now everything, but I know she never attempted to punch me in the face/stomach. It's probably not as bad as what you experienced. She was rough with my cats as well.

Her change from our dating to that experience was day/night. But I changed also, being less willing to go out driving to the beach. I got lazy playing computer games.

I can't say that I saw in her before hand that she could become physically abusive like that. But when you are a lukewarm Christian and decide to settle for a heathen mate, that's what you should expect.

Quest

I'm sorry quest but I truly laughed out loud at your self depreciating when you are a lukewarm christian with a heathen comment. You truly do deserve the best regardless of how you feel you've failed the Lord in lukewarm faith as you call it. I dont see your faith as lukewarm, fyi. I cant believe she was rough with your cats... its one thing to beat on the master of the house but leave them poor pussycats alone. She truly is evil! Nah, she's not evil, maybe crazy... Ok all jesting aside no one should place their hands on no one, regardless of the size of the hands. I once slapped my first bf & he slapped me back. soooo not cool. (me slapping him in the first place that is) I never say a woman deserves to be slapped but in that instant when I hit him, he reacted hitting me back. suppose I deserved it. Gotta admit I was a little evil & crazy at the time though. I decided to never hit a boyfriend again.

I've decided since sarcasm is sometimes lost in the threads that this will be my sarcastic font so if you see me post like this I'm being sarcastic (I know christians arent supposed to enjoy sarcasm but unfortuntately its kinda how I am.)

 

[QuestionTime]

I'm sorry quest but I truly laughed out loud at your self depreciating when you are a lukewarm christian with a heathen comment. You truly do deserve the best regardless of how you feel you've failed the Lord in lukewarm faith as you call it. I dont see your faith as lukewarm, fyi. I cant believe she was rough with your cats...its one thing to beat on the master of the house but leave them poor pussycats alone. She truly is evil! Nah, she's not evil, maybe crazy... Ok all jesting aside no one should place their hands on no one, regardless of the size of the hands. I once slapped my first bf & he slapped me back. soooo not cool. (me slapping him in the first place that is) I never say a woman deserves to be slapped but in that instant when I hit him, he reacted hitting me back. suppose I deserved it. Gotta admit I was a little evil & crazy at the time though. I decided to never hit a boyfriend again.

I've decided since sarcasm is sometimes lost in the threads that this will be my sarcastic font so if you see me post like this I'm being sarcastic (I know christians arent supposed to enjoy sarcasm but unfortuntately its kinda how I am.)

LOL No, I was lukewarm back then. I was horribly lukewarm back then! I wouldn't say that I am lukewarm now.

I can imagine you'd not be slapping anyone again after getting it right back. There is something to be said for immediate consequences, as they can often be a good teacher.

And yes, I am shocked that people can be hurtful to kitty-cats. Cats are too precious for this world.

LOL@Sarcastic fonts. CC needs to designate an official font + color for this purpose so it can be uniform for all members.

Quest

 

[kiwi_OT]

Be very very careful is all I say. I met my fiance here in CC and I was quite blunt with him to prove who he said he was with me from the get go. If it goes well then involve those around you esp your family and theirs. Dont keep secrets about anything and be prepared to spend a lot of money for travel.

 

[penguingal]

Be very very careful is all I say. I met my fiance here in CC and I was quite blunt with him to prove who he said he was with me from the get go. If it goes well then involve those around you esp your family and theirs. Dont keep secrets about anything and be prepared to spend a lot of money for travel.

Good advice and *sigh* yes can't avoid the extra expenses required for travel =/

 

[QuestionTime]

On the flip side. My cousin debbie met a man from pakistan and he ripped her heart out using her to immigrate to canada & left her as soon as it was complete.

Yep, I am wary of the Asian ladies who message me here at CC, as they may be looking for a ticket to Canada. I can tell what they are looking for pretty quick, because their minds are focused on worldly things and not on God.

WigglesTime

 

[seoulsearch]

Yep, I am wary of the Asian ladies who message me here at CC, as they may be looking for a ticket to Canada. I can tell what they are looking for pretty quick, because their minds are focused on worldly things and not on God.

WigglesTime

Ha ha ha! *Mails Quest so that she can get a ticket to go to Canada.* Never mind that I could just drive there if I really wanted to!

 

[QuestionTime]

Ha ha ha! *Mails Quest so that she can get a ticket to go to Canada.* Never mind that I could just drive there if I really wanted to!

When you get here, we can go cruising.

Quest

 

[seoulsearch]

Touche, Quest!

Never been in a cruiser quite like that before... and no bikini for Seoulsearch!