I'm working on forgiveness. I began many years ago on forgiving him. However, this year the revelation of the abuse has changed quite a bit. I've realized that it began in infancy, that it began very aggressively and became more passive, and that he's still not safe. I did confront him years ago with the understanding of abuse I had then. He stopped speaking to me. It was only because I kept my word that we began speaking again. It was then that I forgave him for the revelation I had at that time. He denied it all. His response was, "I'm sorry you FEEL that way.". He is not a Christian. I he claimed anything he would be mormon. Though he only went back to it after he got sick because my stepmoms family is devout.
There are times that I can pray for him and times that it just makes me sick to even hear his name. I've given up my involvement in his salvation. I've told him about Jesus many times, so now it's his choice. This is why I can stop talking to him.
It's only by the grace of God I can type this prayer. I'm sitting McDonalds crying an shaking. This is completely an act of the will because I do not feel it at all.
Lord, you know everything my dad did to me and RaeAnna and James. You know that they are in complete denial and that I hate him. But you also know that my hearts desire is be as you are, to speak as you speak, to love as you love, and to know as you know. I praise you for your grace in my life. I praise you that by your strength I can function victoriously. I praise you that you you are merciful and that you know exactly how I feel about myself and my dad. I know nothing to ask for except healing so that I can love him as you do. Help me stand firm in not talking to him. Help me to not believe that I am an object, a toy, that I'm worthless and hated, or that my own value comes in my body. Help me to understand love in a pure way. Demonstrate your love to me in tangible ways.
You know that I do not want to forgive, and that all I can do is speak the words. Help me to forgive my father and trust that you WILL take vengeance despite no one ever doing it for me. My soul does not want to
hate him.
And Lord I pray that you would break through to him. That you would mercifully reveal to him the damage he's done. Help me to trust that you will protect me physically, spiritually, and emotionally; and that you will protect my honor.
In Jesus name,
Amen
Understood.
Heavenly Father,
I witness this prayer and confession of wanting to be like You. A prayer that is really difficult to pray. Not for wanting to be like You, but, for doing it out of an act of obedience to Your Word. Jordache wants to do the right thing, but, she needs Your help and strength. You say that you give strength and power to Your people and I am asking for this Word to be performed quickly in Jordache's life.
You say the You will raise a standard up against the flood of the enemy (Eph 6:12) and that man will be ashamed if they are not abiding in Christ. Seeing our own shame is sometimes good for us because then we can come to an end of our self and call upon Your kindness, which leads us to repentance. For some though, it is to much, and the storm sweeps them away. I pray that this won't happen to her dad. But, that he would find You and be truly repentant and sorrowful, both to You and Jordache.
I know that 'spirit' (or way of thinking) that says, "I'm sorry you FEEL that way." It's mean and cold. The verbal composite of the spirit of divorce. I know that Your heart, LORD, can not stand that way of careless thinking. And, that type of thinking will not stand in the last Day.
I pray that Your will be done hear on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Magnify Your Word in the midst of Jordache's life and in everything and in everyone that concerns her.
I speak this
not to Jordache, but, to the temptation to hate:
It is written:
Speak no evil of any man.
Love thinks no evil.
Bless and curse not.
To forgive.
To let the LORD have vengeance.
1Pe 3:9 Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.
1Pe 3:10 For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:
1Pe 3:11 Let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it.
1Pe 3:12
For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil.
Let her enemies (Eph 6:12) be bound up in Jesus Name and sent into the depths.
In Jesus Name, Amen.
Jordache,
I wouldn't advise you to be around him in person, unless, you were with other people too.
According to the Lord we are to bless those who curse us and pray for those who despitefully use us. And I know a lot will come up against this, as far as thoughts and emotions.
Even so, with your courage and commitment to follow GOD's Word, this is what we just did. I know that you can feel to two different directions. The direction that hate and disgust want to go, and the direction that blessing and praying want to go. So, let's keep praying for him. I will put him on my prayer list and will be lifting him up everyday.
Now, asking the LORD to discipline him, to bring him to a point of being able to hear His voice, and to a place of repentance, is blessing him. So I'm not saying to buy him a new car or to pray for him to have financial property. I'm talking about eternal blessings and loving words (sometimes reproving in love).
If it were me, I would separate myself from him and lovingly explain to him that because of his actions and the affect it was having on me, that I did not see it to be wise to be in relationship anymore. And if he wanted to seek reconciliation, then He would have to go through the LORD Jesus, because the LORD is Your Father now.
I would call and tell him,
"Because of Jesus, I am letting this go and putting it into His hands. But, for the sake of your own soul and conscience, it would be wise to seek the LORD for reconciliation and to ask me for forgiveness for what you have done, not right now, but, when the time is right.
If you want me to be in your life, then you will give me the space that I am requiring of you. No phone calls, no visits, no letters, no emails.
Know that child molesters and rapists do not go to heaven, and there's only one other place to go. Jesus
has made a way out for you though, and both the LORD and I are ready to forgive you.
During this time that we are apart, read your Holy Bible. Start with the Psalms and the Gospels; if you love me at all, you will do what I am requiring of you.
(also mention any destructive addictive habits that need to stop and let him know that Jesus will help him stop)
I will send you a copy of what I am telling you in the mail. Do not respond to it. It is only for your records to remember what I have just told you.
I want one year of respite between you and I. After this years time has past, if you are ready to ask me for forgiveness then you can contact someone who can reach me and I will contact you when I am ready. If you try to contact me again, in anyway before this one years time period, I will file a restraining order against you.
By the love that Jesus gives me, I love you."
Then hang up and mail the letter.
Remember that him forgiving you is not for your sake, it is for his. You forgiving him before the LORD is for your sake. And you bringing the offense to your "dad" for him to have the opportunity for repentance is for his sake. Just like the LORD sent Jonah to Nineveh to provide them the opportunity to repent.
If you need more or less time of separation, then adjust accordingly.
If he keeps harassing you, file a restraining order against him. He is not a Christian, and the law is there to protect people from evil doers. Sometimes people need to be disciplined and the LORD works through law enforcement all the time to discipline people.
I'll let the others that pray on here witness to what I am saying. The LORD will lead you in the right direction. Keep seeking Him and spending as much time as you are able in His Presence. Know that the world will hate you for belonging to Christ; and deep down, the people who follow the spirit of the world feel the pull of murder in their hearts concerning believers. Things might not get better for us as believers as far as that's concerned.
Keep praying that Love will be perfected in all of our hearts, as a body. Where there is love there is no fear. And when there is no fear, there are no lustful yearnings to feel better or to retaliate; because, love has overcome the fear of death. We all need more love.
.