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Hello, fellow forum prowlers. I'd like to ask your advice on a few hardly related topics that are preventing me from sleeping.
First,
Inspiration. Something I lack. I can't bring myself to change myself for the better. I can't stay committed to any schedule, mostly because I cannot be sincere about doing so. I don't see the point in making efforts to improve upon myself or my circumstances. It seems quite impossible from my standpoint to accomplish anything, so why even try? It's allot easier for me to just waste my life away on video games and the internet waiting for something to change in my life to give me a reason to get on with it.
Second,
Depression(?), I suppose it could be called. But, when I feel blue, I don't feel anything. Apathy, I call it. I've been this way for years now, I find myself void of emotion when it comes to anything other than other people. I find myself contemplating life, and it's meaning constantly and find little resolve. For every one question I answer, two more arise. Trying to find a purpose within my existence to cheer me up, but alas, none are to be found.
Third,
Addiction. I find myself addicted to the internet and video games. Can't tear myself away. They're the only thing that make me vaguely happy when I'm feeling down like this. When I do put the controller down, it's only a matter of seconds before the thinking starts, and all of my problems swarm me at once. I figure it would be in my best interest to stop playing video games so abusively, but I don't see any point in stopping. Can't find the inspiration.
Fourth,
Loneliness. last time I had a friend in real life was eight years ago. Maybe ten now. I can hardly remember it's been so long. I long to be important to someone just because I'm me, not because I'm related to them. Don't get me wrong, I do love my family. I do so more than myself. But, it doesn't give me the satisfaction of knowing that I'm 'all right'. I live in rural Wisconsin, and I'm homeschooled. So I don't see this changing anytime soon. Closest I've come to having friends is over the internet. And, typically, it's only a matter of weeks before said internet friend gets bored of talking to me and begins to ignore me.
I know, God's the only one who can fill this role. But, right now. The above addiction is keeping me from God, and apathy is keeping me from feeling his love.
Fifth,
Purpose. I feel that my life lacks any kind of purpose, and if I were to drop off the face of the earth, it really wouldn't have much of an impact. I know this for a fact. Though, suicide never crossed my mind once. The thought of being insignificant to everyone else in the world discourages me. And my failure in my Christian walk has left me without any kind of direction.
Well, that's it. Whatever you can answer, please do. I'll check back tomorrow.
First,
Inspiration. Something I lack. I can't bring myself to change myself for the better. I can't stay committed to any schedule, mostly because I cannot be sincere about doing so. I don't see the point in making efforts to improve upon myself or my circumstances. It seems quite impossible from my standpoint to accomplish anything, so why even try? It's allot easier for me to just waste my life away on video games and the internet waiting for something to change in my life to give me a reason to get on with it.
Second,
Depression(?), I suppose it could be called. But, when I feel blue, I don't feel anything. Apathy, I call it. I've been this way for years now, I find myself void of emotion when it comes to anything other than other people. I find myself contemplating life, and it's meaning constantly and find little resolve. For every one question I answer, two more arise. Trying to find a purpose within my existence to cheer me up, but alas, none are to be found.
Third,
Addiction. I find myself addicted to the internet and video games. Can't tear myself away. They're the only thing that make me vaguely happy when I'm feeling down like this. When I do put the controller down, it's only a matter of seconds before the thinking starts, and all of my problems swarm me at once. I figure it would be in my best interest to stop playing video games so abusively, but I don't see any point in stopping. Can't find the inspiration.
Fourth,
Loneliness. last time I had a friend in real life was eight years ago. Maybe ten now. I can hardly remember it's been so long. I long to be important to someone just because I'm me, not because I'm related to them. Don't get me wrong, I do love my family. I do so more than myself. But, it doesn't give me the satisfaction of knowing that I'm 'all right'. I live in rural Wisconsin, and I'm homeschooled. So I don't see this changing anytime soon. Closest I've come to having friends is over the internet. And, typically, it's only a matter of weeks before said internet friend gets bored of talking to me and begins to ignore me.
I know, God's the only one who can fill this role. But, right now. The above addiction is keeping me from God, and apathy is keeping me from feeling his love.
Fifth,
Purpose. I feel that my life lacks any kind of purpose, and if I were to drop off the face of the earth, it really wouldn't have much of an impact. I know this for a fact. Though, suicide never crossed my mind once. The thought of being insignificant to everyone else in the world discourages me. And my failure in my Christian walk has left me without any kind of direction.
Well, that's it. Whatever you can answer, please do. I'll check back tomorrow.