Being Real vs. Being a Jerk

[Jullianna]

Dear person who thinks it's funny to give other people a difficult time for your own entertainment, play devil's advocate just to stir things up and bully others under the guise of "being real":

- It's not funny..at all
- God saw what you did there
- You aren't being REAL. You're being a jerk.

Some people will laugh with you because they are intimidated by you, but don't think for a minute they don't think you're a jerk too. And some are just doing that fake laugh thing people do when someone doesn't have sense enough to be embarrassed by bad behavior.

And, unfortunately, some people who think they can't do better will actually date you. We know them by their welts and we cry with them when you are done. Many of them are visiting these forums right now, still trying to recover from the damage you did.

It is our prayer that you will release to the Lord whatever it was that did or did not happen in your own life that drives you to damage/mock others before the day comes (and it will...) that you wake up permanently alone.

Love,
Those of us who care for, pray for and encourage the victims you've left in your wake

 

[zephyrillis]

Some people feel that they ALWAYS need to put in their opinion no matter what. Depending on the circumstances, it's okay to simply listen and offer encouragement when necessary. Sure, alot of us want things to be sugarcoated and 'being real' is sometimes a very necessary thing to do because people deserve the truth...but not if it's meant to tear someone down. This accomplishes nothing.

I couldn NOT agree more.

 

[Jullianna]

Oops...I forgot my disclaimers

1. Jerkettes..this means you too. Guys aren't the only ones who pull this junk.

2. Some people are hot enough to pull this off you say? No one...I repeat..NO ONE is that hot. Besides...they won't always have their own teeth you know.

[I'm on high doses of prednisone at the moment so my inhibitions are down. Does it show? ]

 

[Oncefallen]

The worst thing is that most jerks just don't know the difference.

 

[Jullianna]

I don't know, Oncefallen... Sometimes I think they feel that no one will dare call them on it...like pretty much every other sort of bully.

Though I know some people are attracted to that and then wonder why they continue to have relationship issues.

 

[Oncefallen]

Within that particular group of people there's definitely some of both. I had an old friend that definitely fell into the group that just didn't know the difference. I can't count the number of times he opened his mouth and seriously offended someone and sincerely have no clue as to why they were ticked off at him. Unfortunately most of the time there was no way to explain to him in a way that he would understand.

Honestly in his case he really was a great guy if you could get past his inability to be tactful.

 

[Jullianna]

Within that particular group of people there's definitely some of both. I had an old friend that definitely fell into the group that just didn't know the difference. I can't count the number of times he opened his mouth and seriously offended someone and sincerely have no clue as to why they were ticked off at him. Unfortunately most of the time there was no way to explain to him in a way that he would understand.

Honestly in his case he really was a great guy if you could get past his inability to be tactful.

Well, it's encouraging to read that some of it is unintentional/born of ignorance and that there is hope. I think a lot of it is immaturity and insecurity as well..again, as with most bullies.

Funny thing, I've been thinking about this and I can actually think of more women who behave like this than guys off the top of my head.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Being real really has nothing to do with it. They just like to use that as an excuse.

 

[Catlynn]

:/
Sincerely and honestly I ask, what was the purpose in making this a thread instead of privately addressing the issue with the person who behaved this way? What was the end goal you had in mind? That they would see it and re-think their actions? Or just leave the forums and chatrooms? Do you know and have a relationship with this person so that you can speak into their lives about this topic or is it just affecting others that you DO know and you want to protect/help them?
Like I said, my intentions are totally just to understand because to me....it seems a bit like gossip when you put it up for the world to see but I don't know the situation.
I hope that God deals with whoever it was and that the Holy Spirit brings conviction and healing where it's needed in the lives of the people involved.

 

[Catlynn]

Side note: I don't agree with the behavior spoken of and I have known people like the one spoken of as well and it's not good stuff for sure. Maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut about the way it's being dealt with, since it's none of my business. My apologies.

 

[Oncefallen]

Catlynn, I think you misunderstood the OP. At least my impression was that "dear person" spoken of was a general type of person, not necessarily a specific person from here. At least that was my understanding.

 

[Searching4Truth]

Sounds like this post is directed to someone in particular.

 

[LightningClap0002]

Catlynn, I think you misunderstood the OP. At least my impression was that "dear person" spoken of was a general type of person, not necessarily a specific person from here. At least that was my understanding.

Hmmm, I thought this post was about me. I think that all of her posts are about me. I'm so vain...

 

[Jullianna]

Exactly, Oncefallen. As indicated by the pluralities in the OP, it was intended to be addressed to men/women anywhere/everywhere online/offline who bully others, both publicly AND privately, especially those who do it intentionally and without remorse over an extended period of time.


It is, for the most part, a public issue and it IS dealt with both publicly and privately on a daily basis. Perhaps, if there truly are those out there who don't do it intentionally or are not aware of the damage they do, they will read this and give it some thought...or at least come to an understanding of how foolish, selfish, immature and ignorant it makes them appear.


I hope that anyone offended by this thread who seeks to hold me accountable publicly, as I have just been, for saying how evil it is will be as bold about confronting the offenders and the prayerful protection and healing of those who are worn down, worn out, damaged and incapable of doing it for themselves publicly and/or privately.

 

[Liamson]

Hmmm, I thought this post was about me. I think that all of her posts are about me. I'm so vain...

I thought it was about me. Not gonna lie. I can be jerk but, its really rare. Jerks are typically people who take themselves too seriously and expect that from everyone else too. <That isn't me. If I feel like someone's feelings are being hurt or someone is being marginalized I'll try to turn the conversation light hearted or I'll defend whoever is being maligned.


As for Jerkettes I actually find them attractive. I'm not talking about B-words. But a Jerkette is rare and very attractive.

 

[Jullianna]

Liamson: I haven't found them to be rare at all, but can you explain the attractiveness of such behavior, male or female, especially for christians? I think my brain just locked up.

 

[Liamson]

A jerkette stands up for what she believes in. She may lack tact, step on toes, burn bridges but, her core beliefs are never in danger. She is not going to let anything get between her and the people in her life that she loves.

Most Christian women are soft spoken and value peace among people. They compromise, negotiate and are really good listeners. In their own way, those are good qualities too, but, not the same.

Its not for everyone.

 

[Oncefallen]

^^There is a balance between the two

 

[Jullianna]

Indeed, Oncefallen. It's apples and oranges. In my world, a jerk/jerkette is someone who does the evil they do completely with selfish, malicious intent. There is absolutely no noble purpose behind it whatsoever as there is for those who are not afraid to proclaim truth boldly, protect others or take a stand regarding a thing.


I'm bolding taking a stand here by saying I think bullying is evil. Sorry if that makes me a jerkette to anyone.

P.S. - I'm really surprised to read that there are some folks who thought this was about them. I need to watch y'all more closely I guess.

 

[Elizabeth619]

1. Jerkettes..this means you too. Guys aren't the only ones who pull this junk.

I sowwy.