Dealing with people you can't avoid.

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ladylynn

Guest
#21
#21
wow Corbinscam, you sound like a very wise beyond your years 16 yr old!! Good for you!! It usually takes people years to come to what you just shared.

Fenner., I have not mastered it either. But one thing I have been learning over the last few years since going back into the work force is; not to say anything. LOL. Once I open my big mouth it can't be taken back. If I can just not open my mouth allowing all my feelings to pour out for all to hear., it will serve me well. It's Biblical!!

For instance, before changing jobs this month, I worked in a memory care unit and one of my co workers got reeeaaallly mad that one of our very "high maintenance" residents was not showered already before the next shift came into work at 7am.

Now., we overnighters are not required to do those things as we are lone aides on the floor where there are 16 other residents who are very 'forgetful' and into all kinds of things when they are awake.

But this young lady co worker must have had no sleep from her usual partying the night before., or bad Chinese food because she was in my face soon as she walked into work. It also shocked me to be so assaulted as a woman of my age from a woman of her age. She is in her late 30s.

All I could remember at the time was "don't say anything back.. don't say anything back... don't say anything back" When she was done and informed me in front of 2 others that she was reporting this to the boss., I said only one quickly thought out thing., "I guess you will have to report me to the boss then"

What shocked me was my shock. We should not be yelled at as if assaulted. I've heard about much worse treatment from others who work for a living., but have not encountered such treatment myself.

So although I didn't say anything in anger back at her., I was shaken by her and even shaken physically. This bothered me too. How do people take this day in and day out? But then again., that is not for me to figure out. Just one day at a time. I didn't say anything that reflected my true feelings about her nerve., her disrespect and her GAUL :eek:

But driving home there was LOTS of reflection of her disrespect., nerve and GAUL., I really had to actively listen to a Christian message CD to get away from those thoughts. Soon it went away and MAN was I glad about remembering not to say anything I felt.

3 days later after coming back for my shift the young lady said she read the shift notes and talked to the boss and apologized to me for blowing up.

So although I could have easily said something to her that would have escalated the problem, I only had to remember ONE thing in the heat of the moment...'DON'T SAY ANYTHING'

Fenner., it was a really good feeling to do something that the Bible says and see it come to pass. This sort of satisfaction really beats the momentary kind that lasts just seconds. I knew the Holy Spirit was reminding me and I had a choice to listen or ignore Him.

Proverbs 17:28 [SUP]28 [/SUP]Even a fool when he holds his peace is considered wise; when he closes his lips he is esteemed a man of understanding.


 
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Mooky

Guest
#22
#22
Magenta said:
Oh, and not just family dynamics, but work dynamics cross into criminal behavior as well. I had a co-worker assault (and battery) me once because I asked her a question by way of making a work-related request, and she did not like it. She was eventually fired but then a couple of years later rehired. Water under the bridge, right? It was, mostly, but then came another breaking point, when I was asking her to please close the lunch room door behind her when she left the room. It actually came down to her hollering at me that she did not care what I wanted. This from someone I have worked with for over thirty years. My way of handling her stubborn lack of consideration was to stop eating in the lunch room. Obviously, nothing else was going to work.
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She obviously had an extreme love of self.I would hate to see what she is like behind a steering wheel!
 
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ladylynn

Guest
#23
#23
zeroturbulence said:
I've been in this type of situation lots of times. Only advice I can give is to simply take it one day at a time, and if an opportunity arises where that person needs some emotional support or something, help lift them up if you can. That may or may not make them treat you better..[/QUOTE

The first thought I had soon as I saw your avatar of yummy colorful donuts was the answer to Fenner's question!! Go home and have those donuts when stressed at work. ;)
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49

Guest
#24
#24
Magenta said:
Oh, and not just family dynamics, but work dynamics cross into criminal behavior as well. I had a co-worker assault (and battery) me once because I asked her a question by way of making a work-related request, and she did not like it. She was eventually fired but then a couple of years later rehired. Water under the bridge, right? It was, mostly, but then came another breaking point, when I was asking her to please close the lunch room door behind her when she left the room. It actually came down to her hollering at me that she did not care what I wanted. This from someone I have worked with for over thirty years. My way of handling her stubborn lack of consideration was to stop eating in the lunch room. Obviously, nothing else was going to work.
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Over thirty years, wow!

As the saying goes, familiarity breeds contempt.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#25
Jul 3, 2015
55,885
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#25
49 said:
Over thirty years, wow!
As the saying goes, familiarity breeds contempt.
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Yes, there is that :) Also, I had always really liked this person, but finally just had to come to the conclusion that she did not like me or really care about me at all. That was hard, but not the end of the world. We still work together and actually get along really well. I still like her a lot. She is a character :D But I don't expect her to like me. I know she appreciates me for the work I do and for doing my job so well it is pleasing to the people who ultimately pay our wages (the customers). That is enough, and the reason why I am at my job anyways, right?
 
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Depleted

Guest
#26
#26
Fenner said:
I know the title doesn't sound very kind, but I think everyone has worked with someone or had a family member that was very self centered and there is no way to avoid them.

My my question is, how do you deal with them? How do you deal with the person who has an adult temper tantrum and behaves like a whiny child when they don't get their way? Or you're scheduled for a time to use a room and they act like you're time isn't important but if they need this space at a certain time and if you're in there one minute longer than you should be, they act like you just burnt down their house. I have for the last few years dealt with this person in a very polite calm like matter because the audience around us (children) don't need to see two adults behave in that manner.

I can feel the tension building in me and a I don't know if I'll be able to keep my mouth shut. I get along with person very well in general but when she starts her stuff I want to scream, it's not all about you! One million times. Should I heavily medicate myself before I have to see her? Lol.
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If she yells at me, I tell her I'm not deaf and don't like being yelled at, then I ask if she can tell me the same thing without yelling at me.

If I didn't absolutely need the space at that moment, then I ask when is a good time to return.

If I do need the space immediately, I explain why. And, since why is usually related to a job the boss wants done, it usually works.

If it doesn't work, I take my problem to the boss and tell him/her why I can't get the work done until (insert time coworker told me I can use that space.)

If that's a problem with the boss, then it becomes the boss's problem. Not mine.

I have had coworkers go off the deep end with me, but only once. If they continue with their yelling and/or temper tantrum, I leave the room until they calm down. I'm not a doormat. IRL, if you don't put up with a problem coworker's actions, it stops being a problem.

It also helps that if a coworker was frazzled and my work didn't have to get done immediately, I'd help her/him, until she/he was sure to finish on time. We all had the same goals, so helping tends to get the overall goals accomplished.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#27
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
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#27
I can talk to this woman and have very nice conversations with her. I've never yelled at her, she's interrupted our class before over a trivial problem, but we've been nice about it. My boss has talked to her. I don't report her, everyone knows how it is. I mostly can ignore her but when she runs around with a chicken with her head cut off because she wasn't prepared it annoys the heck out of me and everyone else.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#28
Jul 3, 2015
55,885
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#28
Fenner said:
I can talk to this woman and have very nice conversations with her. I've never yelled at her, she's interrupted our class before over a trivial problem, but we've been nice about it. My boss has talked to her. I don't report her, everyone knows how it is. I mostly can ignore her but when she runs around with a chicken with her head cut off because she wasn't prepared it annoys the heck out of me and everyone else.
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It sounds like she is simply seeking attention. I must admit I have little tolerance for incompetence in the workplace and yet it does run rife, so I am tested haha, and have been tested quite a bit in this regard. My preference of course is to work with people who know what they are doing, are organized in their approach to work, and achieve desirable results. Three out of three is optimum :) It helps to know I am powerless over others :D And of course we are all sensitive to some degree (usually a large degree) to how people approach us and treat us. I am aware of the fact that though I give things from my perspective, the other person still has theirs. Trying to find a solution will not pan out if people refuse to see the other's point of view as being valid concerning issues of optimizing work flow, unless the other person's view really is not valid. That actually is the case sometimes. Your coworker sounds like one of those who is simply ineffectively emotionally reacting to her own shortcomings.
 
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Depleted

Guest
#29
#29
Fenner said:
I can talk to this woman and have very nice conversations with her. I've never yelled at her, she's interrupted our class before over a trivial problem, but we've been nice about it. My boss has talked to her. I don't report her, everyone knows how it is. I mostly can ignore her but when she runs around with a chicken with her head cut off because she wasn't prepared it annoys the heck out of me and everyone else.
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I didn't think you were someone who yelled at people. I was telling you how I handle it.

But? You're in a classroom setting? Then, I'd pull her aside and ask her to get ready, while someone else takes that time slot. I was the hysterical teacher's timeout. She had no control over her class, but my job was to come in once every other week and teach something for 50 minutes. She used the time to cry, and, after the first week when I had to restore order, she tended to go to the teacher's room to cry. She stopped disrupting the class.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#30
Aug 2, 2009
24,580
4,269
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#30
I once got really mad at someone at work so before I lost my temper, I got in my car and drove off. The only problem is I was the one in charge.. :(


(I only drove around the block hehe)
 
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LiJo

Guest
#31
#31
I have a co-worker that drove me crazy, she is an expert on everything, have experienced all types of ailments known by man. She moves around like Speedy Gonzalez, with no understanding of boundaries, loves to hear herself talk and monopolize all conversations. Everything had to be handled in an urgent manner. I was in constant prayer, asking God to allow me to see her through His eyes. Everyday I was asking for forgiveness for all the ugly thoughts that crossed my mind about her. I have no idea when the transformation took place but recently I realized I can be around her and I don't have the tense feelings I use to experience. I truly believe recognizing she's a child of God and focusing on her positive attributes help me to accept her.
 
penknight

penknight

Senior Member
#32
Jan 6, 2014
811
26
28
#32
LiJo said:
I have a co-worker that drove me crazy, she is an expert on everything, have experienced all types of ailments known by man. She moves around like Speedy Gonzalez, with no understanding of boundaries, loves to hear herself talk and monopolize all conversations. Everything had to be handled in an urgent manner. I was in constant prayer, asking God to allow me to see her through His eyes. Everyday I was asking for forgiveness for all the ugly thoughts that crossed my mind about her. I have no idea when the transformation took place but recently I realized I can be around her and I don't have the tense feelings I use to experience. I truly believe recognizing she's a child of God and focusing on her positive attributes help me to accept her.
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I think that being able to that is one of the biggest tests for Christians, and boy is it difficult sometimes.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#33
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#33
LiJo said:
I have a co-worker that drove me crazy, she is an expert on everything, have experienced all types of ailments known by man. She moves around like Speedy Gonzalez, with no understanding of boundaries, loves to hear herself talk and monopolize all conversations. Everything had to be handled in an urgent manner. I was in constant prayer, asking God to allow me to see her through His eyes. Everyday I was asking for forgiveness for all the ugly thoughts that crossed my mind about her. I have no idea when the transformation took place but recently I realized I can be around her and I don't have the tense feelings I use to experience. I truly believe recognizing she's a child of God and focusing on her positive attributes help me to accept her.
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Wow, that's really good. It's tough. I feel bad even bringing it up because I know she does have a good heart. She stresses very easily and I think she has always gotten her way with certain things. She and I have had some very nice conversations. I just have to remember that when she is going bonkers, lol.
 
resurrection33

resurrection33

Banned
#34
Dec 19, 2009
27,513
128
0
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#34
Fenner said:
I know the title doesn't sound very kind, but I think everyone has worked with someone or had a family member that was very self centered and there is no way to avoid them.

My my question is, how do you deal with them? How do you deal with the person who has an adult temper tantrum and behaves like a whiny child when they don't get their way? Or you're scheduled for a time to use a room and they act like you're time isn't important but if they need this space at a certain time and if you're in there one minute longer than you should be, they act like you just burnt down their house. I have for the last few years dealt with this person in a very polite calm like matter because the audience around us (children) don't need to see two adults behave in that manner.

I can feel the tension building in me and a I don't know if I'll be able to keep my mouth shut. I get along with person very well in general but when she starts her stuff I want to scream, it's not all about you! One million times. Should I heavily medicate myself before I have to see her? Lol.
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About the only "weapon" I have to deal with unpleasant people is to ignore them as much as possible. I don't know how well that would work if you're forced to be with this person a lot and work with her. Sometimes you just have to say something. If you do, be careful, because you can't take your words back.
 
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