I turn to God all the time. Now I'm turning to whoever reads this. Thank you for your prayers. I thank you for the opportunity to vent. I just can't figure out what good I am to the rest of humanity. I've hurt a lot of people. And I've been hurt. I'd rather be hurt a million times if I could take away the hurt I've caused. I can't forgive myself for the mistakes I've made, but I especially can't for the mistakes I didn't make. So many missed opportunities. So much regret. And to top it off I can't forgive myself. I can forgive others, but not myself. I'm supposed to treat other how I wish to be treated. To love others as myself. That would not be good in my case. I can't stop hating myself.
well that you realize you can't forgive yourself is actually a good thing,God is the only one who can truly "forgive" anyone,I myself have a very detailed and extensive memory,which means nearly everyday,I remember something wrong I've done and have to live with it,the past cannot be changed,but once you accept Jesus as your saviour and are saved and baptized you are a new creature,and what also brings comfort is that once you do this,your past is not to be mentioned unto you,meaning your past is not a burden to you anymore after this,because when you give your life and time to God,your past wrong doings will no longer trouble you so heavily because the holy spirit will bring to mind all the "good" things you have done,so that you don't dwell on the past,just as the bible states...who so ever tilleth the ground and looks back is not fit for the kingdom of heaven,as in your past cannot hurt you or lay hold on you so don't seek it anymore,because all that this does is give satan a way to mess with your mind,for you think you hate yourself,but you don't,your supposed "hate" is just thoughts of remorse for wrong doings,and all you really,"hate"'is your "wrong" ways,many a Christian feels this way,this is how we come to God "TRULY"'in the first place we realize that we do wrong or have done wrong,and know enough that this is "sin" and also realize that we cannot "do right" without God,so I would suggest that here and now or when you feel you want to truly have God in your life,find a quiet place,in your home,ask God to save your soul in your own words,sincerely knowing that you need God,accept Jesus as your saviour,and this will start your path to walk with God away from your past and later willingly be baptized in the name of the father,the son,and the holy ghost/spirit,then not only will you be less hurt in your heart,but you can learn from your experience,learn the holy bible alongside the holy spirit,and in time teach others of the bible or even teach someone who supposedly "hates" their self,that this is not true at all and just how you came to learn the "TRUTH" about this "Lie" the devil puts in people's minds!
I pray God willing that you shall be free from the chains of the past through God!