What's been up

So if anyone has noticed I have not exactly been active I think you all deserve to know why. My grandma has not been doing good for a the past ten years and has been getting worse and worse. When I was young she was the best grandma ever and honestly I have never lost anyone before especially someone so close and dear to me. I have been doing my best to keep from drowning in depression and misery I have my ups and downs and sometimes I can even laugh and be happy for a time when I am distracted.

I know she is going to a much better place and I thought that would make it easier but honestly it doesn't. This last week she was placed in the hospital and for they gave her at most a week to live. Being a softy as I am I am taking it much harder than the rest of my family and some days i can barely find enough reason to get out of bed, I have been emotionally and physically drained for a good while now but I am still doing all I can for God and I am still seeking him out.
But the heaviness that is inside me is so hard to shake off and honestly it's exhausting mentally physically and emotionally

This has especially touched me to write although at such these times I am usually at a loss for words to adequately express my sympathy, but especially that I've read the 'not so heavenly dream' you shared. I think it may be related to the comfort God wishes to provide for you. At the last Christmas spent with my father-in-law, he said he didn't think he be 'here' much longer, and I would hear any of it. And, upon his subsequent sudden illness and as darkness and death-shade enveloped him, he quickly lost the ability to communicate properly his wishes, yet still gave it his best. Again, I didn't want to hear it, though realizing the message he was repeatedly imploring of me was "let me go."

It wasn't until I realized that he wouldn't let go of me until I was okay to let go of him that I finally prayed, "Lord, I'll be okay with it, help me be okay, to let him rest..." after having left him with his oldest son. I don't think it more much more than minutes after I took a deep breath and exhaled at the close of my prayer that my brother called shortly after to tell us of his departure.

It was important to God that both of us, were provided His peace which the world does not understand. God bless and keep you as He shines out of our darkness "To give light to those sitting in darkness and death-shade, To guide our feet to a way of peace" [Luke 1:9]

Sorry to hear this Blaine. You are grieving. Grieving begins before someone dies, and you have already lost her on so many levels. It is okay to feel the feelings.

It helps a little to pray for her comfort all the time, and for the Lord to make her death an easy transfer from this life to HIS life for her. It also helps to begin writing down your memories of the good times you had together and the good things she said to you that you want to always remember. Make it a grandma book - full of wonderful things.

As you write, you will also feel the same feelings you experienced with her during certain events. It becomes a balance to what you are feeling in the grieving process.

God bless you.

I have felt like you do more than once in my life. You are right about one thing, grandma is going to a much better place. It's always hard to lose those that you love and care about. I pray that God gives you a season of renewal in both body and mind. It may help if you just dwell on the positive memories of your grandma rather than counting down the days.

Thanks guys, the thing is in this time I have been feeling closer to God than ever which makes sense he is our comforter, maybe that is why he has been interacting with me more than usual. As much as it hurts and as hard as it is I know it's best thing for my grandma, she has been suffering so long and has been trying so hard to hold on for so long that she is just so worn out

Sorry about your grandmother. The loss of any loved one can be tough; emotionally, physically and spiritually. Having other family members that know you and her can help with the feelings you are having. I'll pray that you can be at peace and that thru God's grace He will comfort you. Jesus said that He will never leave us or forsake us. We may leave Him but is always with us. Find God's promises in the New and Old Testament that you can believe in. And one day, you will be with her again in Heaven!

If anything, now is a time for joy and celebration, not sadness and sorrow. Death here only means the beginning of life elsewhere..

I don't remember where I heard it but I heard a phrase once saying don't pity the dead pity the living

God bless you dear brother. Being sensitive is a very good thing. It makes us more moldable in the hands of our Father.

I know from experience with my mom that being down is not something that we can control. It has nothing to do with selfishness or lack of faith. One good thing that comes forth from these times is that we become more empathetic and sympathetic to others.

I am praying for you dear brother.

Heads up, Blain. As much as you are mourning and bracing already, know there is no bracing that helps. It will still feel like you were hit by a full tractor-trailer going 100 MPH. It hurts. It will hurt just as much when she goes Home. ("Home" is heaven. "home" is where we feel safe, or the house we're living in.)

You are depressed. You will be depressed. But that's kind of like falling off your bike on cement without knee pads. Expect the bloody knee, and know it takes time to heal. Not feeling depressed is weird, because you're supposed to feel depressed. And, sure, she's going Home, but you will miss her until you join her, and that's a lot of years from now.

God is/will comfort you, but he won't stop you from feeling what you're supposed to feel. Depression is only a problem when there is no particular reason to feel depressed. Losing a loved one, is a real obvious reason to feel depressed, so nothing wrong there. You are working the way you're supposed to work.

Do what you need to do to mourn. When my grandmother died, I spent the next three weeks making sweet breads -- enough that I took some to work, and took some to my neighbors. Very weird, since Gram wasn't into cooking, once more baking, and I never baked before that, unless I had to. So whatever works, let it work.

(Dumbledore, to Harry in the climax of Deathly Hollows.)

I am so sorry for this situation. Losing a loved one can be so hard. Try to focus on her, being with her during this time. If/when she is gone, give yourself time to grieve and work through the feelings that come. Unfortunately there is no quick cure, but we as humans are pretty resilient, able to return to some sense of normal. Grief counseling can help as well. Check griefshare for resources close to you. Take heart that you will see her again in glory.

REV. 2:10.
Fear none of those things which you shalt suffer: behold, the devil shall cast some of you into prison,
that ye may be tried; and ye shall have tribulation ten days: be you faithful unto death,
and I will give you a crown of life.

PS. 116:15.
Precious in the sight of The LORD is the death of His saints.