Atheist Wanting to find Jesus

Hi there! I've been pretty much an atheist for a while now.

I grew up in church as a kid. Then one day I just realized, " I feel so forced to believe in this. I don't truly believe. "

Then I started looking into atheist theories, and I just slowly but surely lost faith.

And the last couple of years, I've been kind of depressed.

It just made get so sad over the "fact" that the world just popped up ( atheist belief, I'm not saying that's true, ). Random chance.

I felt, and still feel like Earth's beauty is worth so much more.

I've just been crying myself to sleep, I can't get over it. I kind of want to look into believing in Jesus.
I just feel like I can't believe in/love Jesus because deep down, I always have doubts.
If He loves me so much, then how do I love Him back in return?
I feel like when I try to love him and believe in him, it's puny compared to, say, a preacher's belief and love for God.
I want to believe in Jesus so bad! I want to have a kind of joy in my soul.

Do you all have any advice for seeking Him? Are there any ex-atheists on this website?

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this.

Maybe in wanting to love God, you actually love Him more than many people who think they already love God really do.

I am sorry to hear your story, and this has been an issue that has turned a lot of people just like yourself.
There has been a lot of churches in the past and some even to this day that make people think they have to be forced to do this or do that or are not truly saved.

They never teach that none of us are perfect, and will not be made totally perfect tell the transformation. We all have doubts, or other flaws including the best preachers you may have heard of or from.

The scriptures make it clear that nobody is better than another and should not think of themselves that way.

Our Lord calls us all for different rolls, some less than others, but it makes you no less important to God then another.
God loves us all equally, which is why He gave His Son for all of us.

If falls on us to accept or not, it is our choice not forced.

Once you make that choice to accept Him, then He helps through the Holy Spirit to guide and mold you to be a better person and help you through the hard areas of life.

It is not an easy road, and not all sunshine and rainbows. He just makes you stronger to deal with those tuff issues by bringing them to Him through prayer.

This site is brimming over with ex-atheists.

I'm sure you can get answers for whatever is bothering you.

Doubts are normal, it's part of the battle of faith.
His love gets no greater than at Calvary where Jesus died for all your sins and FREELY forgives all. Faith grows in the knowledge of that love to where it in turn gives itself away to others.
He truly loves you.

A good place to start is having this conversation with Him...........

Take this test to see if you truly need God. If you do, then I'd definitely ask you to seek a personal relationship with him. If you have any more questions after that, feel free to contact me.

NeedGod.com

Woah man, this is powerful..uhh, im was pretty much in the same boat as you but I was still quite comfortable and proud when the Holy Spirit convicted me of sin. My mate was going to church so I joined him, and I just let go, seriously, I just let go at church and started worshipping God and the rest is history. He drew me in, I responded, He drew me in the rest of the way.

There's a lot of stuff out there by ex-atheists especially if you are looking for more intellectual arguments for belief, but that doesn't sound like where you are coming from. Doubt is not a 4 letter word (count them there are 5 letters). In fact from time to time even the most solid pastors doubt and are unsure. Here's a great quote from one of my favorite Christian authors (Mark Buchannan who had a whole chapter on doubt in his book Your God is too safe which I highly recommend)

“Sometimes doubting is not a lack of faith, but an expression of it. Sometimes to doubt is to merely insist that God be taken seriously not frivolously, to insist that our faith is placed in and upheld by something other than seeming conjuring tricks.”

I think this may be an online copy of the doubt chapter The Benefit of the Doubt | Christianity Today

There's also a great Bible story about Jesus encountering a father whose son had serious problems. He asked Jesus, "if you can please help" Jesus replied that everything was possible for the one who believed and the father exclaimed, "I do believe help my lack of faith." (Mark 9:14-29 if you want the whole story).

All that to say that when you offer you best to God, no matter how pathetic and puny it seems, it is accepted by him and he will make it increase as you do what you can. We've got a good group over in the singles forum so feel free to come join us and ask your questions there. All the best as you seek out God.

I would say this ^

It's really sounding like you already have a lot of faith in God and love Him. Here's the thing. As someone who wasn't always a Christian, you share an appreciation/perspective for God that some believers who have grown up in the church might not have.

Everyone suffers from doubt at some point(s).

I know an ex-atheist. Now he plays guitar at my old church

I was like these a few years ago. In my truest prayers, I couldn't say, "I love you Jesus" cuz I wasn't really sure if I love him enough. And if I said I love him, I would just be lying to myself. And then I started comparing myself to others--people who are more spiritually matured than I am. Years had passed, God has made me realized that love shouldn't be forced through 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. I meditated on those verses for almost a month. And slowly, I started seeing that God is truly love. And by Gods grace, I started feeling, "Yeah, now I love God. Now I get it." My humble advice is don't rely on yourself to try to love God cuz you're just gonna fall short and feel frustrated, love should be natural. Don't compare yourself to others. Get back to praying and get back to the Word.

wonder what happened to the OP? Gravity got her?

I never really thought about that, thank you so much.

Thank you for all for the kind and insightful words. I'm really trying.

I honestly have never read much of The Bible, I'm trying to do that. I downloaded a Bible app.

I don't know, I'm just really ready for my life not to be pointless.
Maybe I'll start using this website more, I'm not sure.

You all are very kind-hearted, and thank you for all of the advice, by the way!

That made me smile really wide, I'm not going to lie.

I took the test and decided I don't need the test

Yes, I am an ex-atheist. My advice, go back to where you had fallen and change your mind (repent). What I mean, go back in your thoughts to where you started to fall from faith and reconsider the conclusions which caused you to turn away in the first place.

And yes, many times I also cried myself to sleep. Oh how your words echo my sentiments.

My darling, go back to where you left Him and there He shall be found, just as He promised He would be found by the one who seeks Him.

I was there where you are now. Go back.

Chris