Forgiveness for Adultery: Why is it so difficult?

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grif101

Guest
#1
#1
Something that's always bothered me.....

I've been in a Christian world my entire life. Grew up in church. Have a Christian family, they have Christian friends, extended family, etc, etc. Well acquainted with other church congregations. My entire life is centered around Christian people. But something I've noticed time and time again is the stigma placed on women who are caught in the act of sexual sin. Not so much the men, it's the women. Yes, it's a sin. But so is gossip, and murder. Yet the sexual sins (especially for women) are so often viewed, or at least seemingly viewed, as the worst thing a person can do. You would think so from the reaction of people anyway.

Are those women ever truly forgiven by the people? Her past will be mentioned at one time or another; gossiped about. She is never truly accepted with open arms into the congregation. It may appear she has been, but I'd be surprised if she's invited to a Christmas party!

Why are we like that? Is it insecurities from the women in the church? Does this "sinful" woman have a lower character than other sinners? Because I'm certain I would be forgiven by the community sooner if I actually murdered my husband than if I committed adultery. As Christians, we are called to love all people. And all people have sinned. God doesn't specify loving some sinners over others.

I'm referring to those confessing, remorseful women that have asked forgiveness.

Has anyone else witnessed this bias? Am I way off base here? Looking for your opinions.

*Please note: I've read back over this and it seems I've included everyone. That wasn't my intention. My intent is merely to find out why SOME people hate this sin so much more than others. Also, to bring it to their attention. They may not even realize it.
 
Seekingfamily

Seekingfamily

Senior Member
#2
Jun 20, 2017
395
13
0
#2
I am assuming here, but maybe their unforgiving stems from not being secure in their own marriage, and see that woman as a threat that might backslide!
 
G

grif101

Guest
#3
#3
Makes sense. Jealousy can be very hurtful as well.
 
Seekingfamily

Seekingfamily

Senior Member
#4
Jun 20, 2017
395
13
0
#4
Especially if she is very pleasing to the eyes. My question to myself would be "How is she preparing herself to look to others?"
If I were that woman, I would myself, dress down in appearance...no make up, things covered. I learned a lot about modesty!
I use to dress very classy, all the works. I was being hit up on by many men, it disgusted me, I even told them I was married...but that did not matter to them. So I decided to cover my head, not use make up, and wear maxi dresses...It worked, the wolves were not coming anymore! I am even think about changing my avatar, as 2 wolves recently tried to enter my realm...one was only 17. I want people to focus on God, not my looks!
 
Huckleberry

Huckleberry

Senior Member
#5
Aug 25, 2013
1,698
96
48
#5
grif101 said:
.......I'm certain I would be forgiven by the community sooner if I actually murdered my husband than if I committed adultery.
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Why would "the community" need to know an individual or couple's private business?
This hasn't happened in my family, but if it did I think we would try to keep it a secret.
 
G

grif101

Guest
#6
#6
Huckleberry said:
Why would "the community" need to know an individual or couple's private business?
This hasn't happened in my family, but if it did I think we would try to keep it a secret.
Click to expand...
That would be the best, to keep people's private business their own. Unfortunately, secrets aren't always kept, then the world knows, or at least small towns do.
 
G

grif101

Guest
#7
#7
Seekingfamily said:
Especially if she is very pleasing to the eyes. My question to myself would be "How is she preparing herself to look to others?"
If I were that woman, I would myself, dress down in appearance...no make up, things covered. I learned a lot about modesty!
I use to dress very classy, all the works. I was being hit up on by many men, it disgusted me, I even told them I was married...but that did not matter to them. So I decided to cover my head, not use make up, and wear maxi dresses...It worked, the wolves were not coming anymore! I am even think about changing my avatar, as 2 wolves recently tried to enter my realm...one was only 17. I want people to focus on God, not my looks!
Click to expand...
Society does focus on looks, though, don't they?! I work with someone that has to explain what some woman looks like if ever he speaks of a woman. Why?! I don't care what she looks like! I would be more interested in if she's critical or compassionate; fake or true; mean-spirited or sweet.
 
Seekingfamily

Seekingfamily

Senior Member
#9
Jun 20, 2017
395
13
0
#9
This is my husband Phil, he was born with CP. He thought he was not good enough for me, because of the disability. I told him that I was not interested in the vessel, but what was inside..the true treasure. For looks can fade instantly, and I teased with him "What are you trying to tell me I don't know what beauty is?" We have been together now for 10 years!
 
resurrection33

resurrection33

Banned
#10
Dec 19, 2009
27,513
128
0
71
#10
grif101 said:
Something that's always bothered me.....

I've been in a Christian world my entire life. Grew up in church. Have a Christian family, they have Christian friends, extended family, etc, etc. Well acquainted with other church congregations. My entire life is centered around Christian people. But something I've noticed time and time again is the stigma placed on women who are caught in the act of sexual sin. Not so much the men, it's the women. Yes, it's a sin. But so is gossip, and murder. Yet the sexual sins (especially for women) are so often viewed, or at least seemingly viewed, as the worst thing a person can do. You would think so from the reaction of people anyway.

Are those women ever truly forgiven by the people? Her past will be mentioned at one time or another; gossiped about. She is never truly accepted with open arms into the congregation. It may appear she has been, but I'd be surprised if she's invited to a Christmas party!

Why are we like that? Is it insecurities from the women in the church? Does this "sinful" woman have a lower character than other sinners? Because I'm certain I would be forgiven by the community sooner if I actually murdered my husband than if I committed adultery. As Christians, we are called to love all people. And all people have sinned. God doesn't specify loving some sinners over others.

I'm referring to those confessing, remorseful women that have asked forgiveness.

Has anyone else witnessed this bias? Am I way off base here? Looking for your opinions.

*Please note: I've read back over this and it seems I've included everyone. That wasn't my intention. My intent is merely to find out why SOME people hate this sin so much more than others. Also, to bring it to their attention. They may not even realize it.
Click to expand...
Adultery causes a lot of pain. That's why the Lord taught us not to commit that sin.
 
J

joefizz

Guest
#12
#12
grif101 said:
Something that's always bothered me.....

I've been in a Christian world my entire life. Grew up in church. Have a Christian family, they have Christian friends, extended family, etc, etc. Well acquainted with other church congregations. My entire life is centered around Christian people. But something I've noticed time and time again is the stigma placed on women who are caught in the act of sexual sin. Not so much the men, it's the women. Yes, it's a sin. But so is gossip, and murder. Yet the sexual sins (especially for women) are so often viewed, or at least seemingly viewed, as the worst thing a person can do. You would think so from the reaction of people anyway.

Are those women ever truly forgiven by the people? Her past will be mentioned at one time or another; gossiped about. She is never truly accepted with open arms into the congregation. It may appear she has been, but I'd be surprised if she's invited to a Christmas party!

Why are we like that? Is it insecurities from the women in the church? Does this "sinful" woman have a lower character than other sinners? Because I'm certain I would be forgiven by the community sooner if I actually murdered my husband than if I committed adultery. As Christians, we are called to love all people. And all people have sinned. God doesn't specify loving some sinners over others.

I'm referring to those confessing, remorseful women that have asked forgiveness.

Has anyone else witnessed this bias? Am I way off base here? Looking for your opinions.

*Please note: I've read back over this and it seems I've included everyone. That wasn't my intention. My intent is merely to find out why SOME people hate this sin so much more than others. Also, to bring it to their attention. They may not even realize it.
Click to expand...
well to answer your question starting with adultery itself,adultery is very wrong for when you are married(assuming you are) you and your spouse,"become as one" as in you are to care for each other as yourself and realize that it is binding forever,even after divorce,Jesus told in the bible that any divorce really is a fake divorce because you bonded eternally to the very first person you ever sincerely married and so that is why it is such a horrible sin because you hurt yourself because as I said and the bible says"you are as one" all your feelings all your thoughts,everything is joined together within both of once you are sincerely married!
as to why people so wickedly condemn or persecute women over men for this,people who are lost will always treat people miserably because they can't find happiness,so when someone does any wrong no matter how small there will always be those that want to further hurt someone,man and woman alike,though sadly women are so targeted by the world because people get the impression that women are to be perfect and loyal,some think this because mary Magdalene was a blessed and faithful wife,some believe this because they are men that can't see any fault in themselves or are not aware that when married,woman and man are each other from there on so when one sins both sin,it's really just a foolish worldly concept that people have come up with in their hearts,don't fret on it too much,there is always at least one person in this world who says something foolish yet they are proud and arrogant though they themselves sin for "there are none perfect nor good no not one" but many just endulge in misery for they have no life of their own so they seek to trouble someone else's life!
 
T

teatimefriend

Junior Member
#13
May 19, 2017
15
0
0
#13
It is hard to control what people think about someone, especially if that is negative. People will have something to say just because they are a human being with their own perspective of life. It depends on their spiritual maturity on how to see and handle the problem. I was reminded of the story of a prostitute woman in the Bible. I am sure you know the story is very well. She got caught by the Pharisees and brought to Jesus. Their intention was to test Jesus, however, the topic was about the prostitute woman. The law they believed said that this woman must be stoned to death. But Jesus told the Pharisees, whoever with no sins could throw the first stone toward the woman. None of them picked up the stone. Finally, they left her alone. I think that they knew that no one is without sin. Jesus teaches us to live by grace and in love. If we examine ourselves, we will be in the same position as the Pharisees. No one is without sin. Thus, no one has right to judge others because the Only Judge we have is God alone.
I am sorry for this woman. But I hope that her friends and families can see her as a sinner as they can see themselves the same. Also I hope that they can see that she as well as they are saved by the Grace of God which makes all of us equal. We are sinners saved by grace. Thank be to God
 
E

Eph2all

Member
#14
Oct 30, 2023
61
11
8
#14
grif101 said:
Something that's always bothered me.....

I've been in a Christian world my entire life. Grew up in church. Have a Christian family, they have Christian friends, extended family, etc, etc. Well acquainted with other church congregations. My entire life is centered around Christian people. But something I've noticed time and time again is the stigma placed on women who are caught in the act of sexual sin. Not so much the men, it's the women. Yes, it's a sin. But so is gossip, and murder. Yet the sexual sins (especially for women) are so often viewed, or at least seemingly viewed, as the worst thing a person can do. You would think so from the reaction of people anyway.

Are those women ever truly forgiven by the people? Her past will be mentioned at one time or another; gossiped about. She is never truly accepted with open arms into the congregation. It may appear she has been, but I'd be surprised if she's invited to a Christmas party!

Why are we like that? Is it insecurities from the women in the church? Does this "sinful" woman have a lower character than other sinners? Because I'm certain I would be forgiven by the community sooner if I actually murdered my husband than if I committed adultery. As Christians, we are called to love all people. And all people have sinned. God doesn't specify loving some sinners over others.

I'm referring to those confessing, remorseful women that have asked forgiveness.

Has anyone else witnessed this bias? Am I way off base here? Looking for your opinions.

*Please note: I've read back over this and it seems I've included everyone. That wasn't my intention. My intent is merely to find out why SOME people hate this sin so much more than others. Also, to bring it to their attention. They may not even realize it.
Click to expand...
I think many (perhaps most) that commit adultery don't ever repent, thus don't warrant forgiveness. For those few who claim to, while they should be forgiven their sin if they repent, I think it only logical and reasonable to consider how faithful the person has been in the past when considering a position of trust.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#15
Aug 13, 2014
25,042
8,234
113
#15
Eph2all said:
I think many (perhaps most) that commit adultery don't ever repent, thus don't warrant forgiveness. For those few who claim to, while they should be forgiven their sin if they repent, I think it only logical and reasonable to consider how faithful the person has been in the past when considering a position of trust.
Click to expand...
Howdy Eph and welcome to the forum.

Gotta say those are some interesting choices for old threads you have chosen to dig up. Almost like you got some kind of ax to grind...
 
E

Eph2all

Member
#16
Oct 30, 2023
61
11
8
#16
Perhaps.

I have now completed going through all the available threads. [Perhaps a bit of OCD?] I imagine I will post less now.

I was actually looking for a more active theology discussion fora -- I am replacing Paltalk which has (had?) an active Christian area.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#17
Aug 13, 2014
25,042
8,234
113
#17
Eph2all said:
Perhaps.

I have now completed going through all the available threads. [Perhaps a bit of OCD?] I imagine I will post less now.

I was actually looking for a more active theology discussion fora -- I am replacing Paltalk which has (had?) an active Christian area.
Click to expand...
Hmm...

I could recommend the Bible Discussion Forum... But no, I have to advise avoiding that place. There are a lot of people there who really get a kick out of putting other Christians down to make themselves seem righteous and holy, especially if you have the unmitigated temerity to disagree with them.

Here in misc. we just chat about any old thing. You'll get a few theology topics, but also some conspiracy theories, a question about computers and maybe some discussion of chocolate.

Short version: I'm afraid you reached the bottom of the well, and the Bible Discussion Forum well is poisoned so you do NOT want to go dipping from there.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#18
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,178
113
#18
I dont really know the past of everyone in a church congregation, as havent been raised in church long enough to know tho adulterers tend to leave and not stay and ask forgiveness.

Its probably too traumatic for them to stay, even those whove lost children often dont want to go back to their home church even if it had happy memories, at least in the same church with the same people

I live in a big city that has many many churches I thinking it would be different if it was a small town and there was only a couple of churches or even just one.

in OT times the woman was stoned, though its not done anymore, it seems like shunning is done instead. How could she show shes repented anyway? what would she be able to do to show shes remorseful. by stigma you mean like a big scarlet letter A for adultery?
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#19
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,178
113
#19
Been watching the Crown which dealt with the issues of adultery and divorce, the Queen being 'head of the church of england' so called defender of the faith. (Instead of Jesus?)

Her own sister couldnt marry a divorcee, (wife left him, probably for someone else) so Margaret married someone else, it was terrible and in the end they got divorced anyway.

But now it seems the new King has ben forgiven for his adultery since he confessed and his wife died and he was free to remarry, though Camilla was ostracised for a very long time and they were not repentant. Diana also had affairs snce she felt unloved.

In the Bible Bathsehba seems forgiven though after her husband died (indirectly killed by King David) and they both paid the price with their first child dying near birth.

If nobody dies or there no abortion or whatever it seems any illegitimate children or abandoned children end up paying the price for the sins of their parents in terms of how their own lives turn out.
 
Lanolin

Lanolin

Well-known member
#20
Dec 15, 2018
23,460
7,178
113
#20
BTW The Crown is fictional, but anyone living in the world today probably knows about all the real life drama of the British royal family, its played out for all to see, whether we like it or not!

In the US it was the Monica Lewinsky scandal, I dont know if she ever gained back her reputation, but people seemd to forgive Bill Clinton for just being a man?! He was impeached wasnt he though, and his wife is now still in politics I hear. I dont know how her daughter fared.

The US presidents are all supoosedly meant to be christians (for some its the basis of their politics) but whether they truly have faith we dont always know.
 
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