Welp, it's time for me to add in my two cents. First, I want to let you know that not all Christians are "narrow-minded". We go according to God's word, but we all have sinned and majority of us continue to do the same sins every day! We've all been distraught over a wrong-doing or two, just like you. Granted, not all of us have struggled with homosexuality, but nonetheless, it's been one thing or another. Although a lot of Christians have been in your shoes, so you're not alone.
Now, I think what you need is a little advice, no? Let's get started.
I'll tell you straight-up I've had thoughts about women and have even acted upon them when I was younger. My attraction started when I was very young as well. I didn't start dating girls until my mid-to-late teens. A lot like you, I wanted their attention and love. There was something that felt 'safe' about dating women. At that time to me, women were fun, happy, open, caring, loving, and warm. The way they laughed, carried themselves, everything about them made me feel good inside.
Without even realizing it, deep down, I didn't want to be with a man because the thought scared me. I felt like I would never be able to get a 'good' guy, (Whatever that is.) So, I settled for the attention of women. Time and time again. Although I thought I loved women, now I realize it wasn't in that way. Maybe I was too young to recognize the difference. Maybe it was because I had never experienced true love before so I had nothing to compare it with the feelings I had.
My father was abusive too, for the majority of my childhood, which is the reason I can only remember bits and pieces of my life up until about the age of 13. I think our situations were partly because of that. As much as I didn't want to be the girl with 'Daddy issues', I did have them. Anytime I met a guy, I automatically assumed the worst about them. Although I had a lot of guy friends, not one had any worth to me. I looked down on them, and hated them in a sense.
Anyhow, I don't have those type of feelings anymore, but my outlook hasn't changed. To elaborate, I still find great comfort in women and love the things I mentioned about them above, but I have separated the romantic quality about it.
Even when I'm out and about, a beautiful lady will catch my eye and I'll say, "Wow, she's pretty." Because there is a lure to women! A woman's beauty is talked about throughout the Bible. There's no denying that. I think a lot of the appeal was the artist in me. They are very aesthetically pleasing to the eye, like a work of art. There's nothing more soft or delicate than the features of a woman, from the top of her head to the bottom of her feet. Women have been the focus of many famous paintings after all. However, I'm sure that's not the case with you.
So, with that being said, I'll state a few things for you. Some you may know already.
1. Homosexuality is a sin. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 - "Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God." Also keep in mind that homosexuality was not the only thing mentioned in this verse.
2. Homosexuality or any other sexually immoral acts is committing a sin against your own body, unlike other sins. ! Corinthians 6: 13- 21 13 You say, “Food for the stomach and the stomach for food, and God will destroy them both.” The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. 14 By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. 15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” 17 But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit. 18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
3. You, just like anyone else who has been saved, is forgiven of your sins. Corinthians continues with: "And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."
The question you have to ask yourself is, do you want to change? Do you feel this is hindering a closer relationship with God? Is God convicting you for these feelings? I'd say He is, since you were led make this thread. My advice is to think about it, read God's word and do some research about the other things it says about homosexuality. Pray for strength, and to be relieved of those thoughts. We all want to keep our temple clean, so God can dwell within us!
This is not an impossible mountain to climb if you're looking to change. God wants us to be the image of him, but unfortunately we can't stop sinning! We all live in the flesh every day. The important thing is that we try.
So, as long as you try every day, God will meet you the rest of the way. God does not love you any less, he just doesn't like our sins. The Devil wants you to be hopeless, like God doesn't love you and you'll never be able to make him happy. Remember, that God's love is UNconditional.
un·con·di·tion·aladj. Without conditions or limitations; absolute:
I want you to take a moment right now and think about the definition of that word.
Really let that sink in, what it means.
Sorry for the long post, but I hope it helped!
