I am in a difficult pickle

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Blain

Blain

The Word Weaver
#1
Aug 28, 2012
19,215
2,551
113
#1
so I need advice on what to do in this situation. You see my sister has been dating this buddy of mine James for four years but she has been wanting to break it off for a while now yet never does I think she still has feelings for James. I also have another close friend who lives with me and my sister has been coming over for a few days and he and her get along great. But she came to me yesterday and told me she cheated on James with my friend and is thinking of leaving James for him but knowing her she isn't ready to leave James.

Now in this situation I have contemplated on what to do about this, I feel James deserves to know but at the same time not only do I know the chaos it would bring if I tell him but also I don't know if it's my place to tell him. If I go the latter route and let things happen and if he finds out and asks me if I knew I will be honest and tell him yes but on the other hand if I tell him honestly nothing good will come of it both my sister and James are very violent people.

But I want to do what is right the issue is I am not sure what it right
 
Willie-T

Willie-T

Banned
#2
Feb 7, 2015
22,418
413
0
#2
Yeah, you got yourself in a whole pile of it. LOL
 
tourist

tourist

Senior Member
#3
Mar 13, 2014
41,360
16,323
113
69
Tennessee
#3
The best course of action might be to do nothing at all.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#4
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#4
I don't know what I'd do. Your Sister might want to fess up or not. I'd probably stay out of it. I mean you have to live with your Sister so that would make it hard.
 
L

LaurenTM

Guest
#5
#5
best move is none at all IMO, except for encouraging yr sister to be honest with the guys...and even then, don't press it

somebody's gonna get hurt here and you have potential to be one of them...so, let it go

yr sister needs to be honest...going with someone 4 yrs is a long time...and what do you mean by cheated? just a date?
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#6
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#6
LaurenTM said:
best move is none at all IMO, except for encouraging yr sister to be honest with the guys...and even then, don't press it

somebody's gonna get hurt here and you have potential to be one of them...so, let it go

yr sister needs to be honest...going with someone 4 yrs is a long time...and what do you mean by cheated? just a date?
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More likely that she slept with him.. She needs to come clean with James, and/or break up with him.
 
L

LaurenTM

Guest
#7
#7
blue_ladybug said:
More likely that she slept with him.. She needs to come clean with James, and/or break up with him.
Click to expand...

well, if that is so, cause that is how it sounded, but asking cause I don't wanna leap in with both tootsies in my accommodating yapper, then I would step back so far the sister would think she has to handle her mess alone

oh wait...that is what she should do anyway.....:rolleyes:

we all can learn from minding other people's busyness'es...but he did ask
 
Sirk

Sirk

Banned
#8
Mar 2, 2016
8,896
112
0
#8
I'd stay out of it....but that is just me. If you insert yourself into that mess you'll get hit with something too. Best to let the wheels come off and then just be a friend if you're asked to be.
 
R

reneweddaybyday

Senior Member
#9
Mar 23, 2016
6,875
1,647
113
#9
Is your sister older or younger than you? Maybe your sister told you so you would tell James and she wouldn’t have to?

James already knows there is something going on. He just does not want to deal with it at this point. (Or maybe he asks your sister if she's okay and she tells him she's fine. He believes her but knows "something" is up.)

Ask your sister why she won't tell James she's moved on. And ask her why she told you about the other guy.

James needs to be told and your sister is the one who should tell him.

Talk to your sister. Tell her she needs to break it off with James. If she needs moral support in order to tell James, tell her you'll be there for her. But, truthfully, she is hurting herself and she is hurting James. She is not at peace with what is going on in her life.
 
ArtsieSteph

ArtsieSteph

Senior Member
#10
Apr 1, 2014
6,194
1,319
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Arizona
#10
I have been known to sometimes make situations more complicated than need be by trying to be the mediator of these kinds of things, so I will say pray God lets them know and someone find out, but don't do it yourself.
 
A

AuntieAnt

Guest
#11
#11
Blain said:
so I need advice on what to do in this situation. You see my sister has been dating this buddy of mine James for four years but she has been wanting to break it off for a while now yet never does I think she still has feelings for James. I also have another close friend who lives with me and my sister has been coming over for a few days and he and her get along great. But she came to me yesterday and told me she cheated on James with my friend and is thinking of leaving James for him but knowing her she isn't ready to leave James.

Now in this situation I have contemplated on what to do about this, I feel James deserves to know but at the same time not only do I know the chaos it would bring if I tell him but also I don't know if it's my place to tell him. If I go the latter route and let things happen and if he finds out and asks me if I knew I will be honest and tell him yes but on the other hand if I tell him honestly nothing good will come of it both my sister and James are very violent people.

But I want to do what is right the issue is I am not sure what it right
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I agree with the folks here who say don't get involved. And as for the possibility of your friend asking why didn't you tell him, save this thread and show him how concerned you were for him but that you abided by the advice given here. :)
 
A

Adstar

Senior Member
#12
Jul 24, 2016
7,458
3,509
113
#12
I would stay out of it.. The only thing i would do is go to the sister and really put it on her to decide for real who she wants to be with.. Tell her she need to take control of her situation and end it with James...
 
BruceWayne

BruceWayne

Senior Member
#13
Aug 7, 2013
3,694
357
83
Gotham City
#13
Think about The Office, when Angela cheated on Andy with Dwight... He was pretty upset that none of his friends told him lol.

I would want to be told. Personally, I would probably tell her that I would give her the first chance to tell him, then I would. If she not only cheated on him, but has been wanting to end things for a while, then it's not really fair to knowingly let someone be strung along like that. That's just me though.
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#14
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
48
#14
The Bible talks about if someone in the church sins, to go to the person personally. If the person doesn't do anything about it, then you go to the church. You can apply this to your situation. Your sister has the obligation to say something. If she doesn't, then you have the obligation of letting your friend and her live in sin. He deserves to know, whether it's her or you. What if she never tells him? He goes on this lifetime looking like a complete fool. Do you want that? I'm kinda surprised so many folks are saying keep it a secret. No offense, but based on what I have read I don't have any faith in your sister on doing the right thing. Which is why I strongly believe it's your duty to tell the truth.
 
Fenner

Fenner

Senior Member
#15
Jan 26, 2013
7,507
111
0
#15
I think back to the time I was cheated on by someone I loved very much and we were together for about 3 years. I was told after we broke up that he had cheated and I'm sure it was more than one time. I wished someone would have told me the first time because we'd only been dating a few months then. I would have broken it off and moved on a lot faster then I did. Maybe just tell her, you put in a horrible position here and you need to tell him or as his friend I will.


So Intake back my other post, lol.
 
lettucepray

lettucepray

Banned
#16
Sep 4, 2015
290
7
0
#16
Blain said:
so I need advice on what to do in this situation. You see my sister has been dating this buddy of mine James for four years but she has been wanting to break it off for a while now yet never does I think she still has feelings for James. I also have another close friend who lives with me and my sister has been coming over for a few days and he and her get along great. But she came to me yesterday and told me she cheated on James with my friend and is thinking of leaving James for him but knowing her she isn't ready to leave James.

Now in this situation I have contemplated on what to do about this, I feel James deserves to know but at the same time not only do I know the chaos it would bring if I tell him but also I don't know if it's my place to tell him. If I go the latter route and let things happen and if he finds out and asks me if I knew I will be honest and tell him yes but on the other hand if I tell him honestly nothing good will come of it both my sister and James are very violent people.

But I want to do what is right the issue is I am not sure what it right
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If your sister thinks she might want to move forward with James, she would fess up to what she did. But, In her heart she apparently doesn't, since she cheated on him. Idk man, Just know the Truth will set you Free and you gotta stick to it. I don't think you're doing anything wrong by not telling him, since that isn't lying, but chyeah idk dawg. Stuff makes me glad I'm single.
 
Blain

Blain

The Word Weaver
#17
Aug 28, 2012
19,215
2,551
113
#17
Thanks for the advice everyone I was afk for quite bit so I only just saw this. I also felt that that I should just let it be I mean James can be a great guy but he is very aggressive and I know how things would be if he caught wind of what was happening people would get hurt. Honestly I have never been in a situation like this I was kinda thrown into it because my sister is a very real person she is honest and shows who she really is inside I am the only other person she really trusts in this world so she came and told me about it but no it wasn't sex her and my friend are really in love and they made out several times and are planning to move in together and they want me to come with which is fine with me because my sister and my friend and I have the same kind of mind set we get along extremely well.

But when she does break up with James it's not gonna be pretty
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#18
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
48
#18
Blain said:
Thanks for the advice everyone I was afk for quite bit so I only just saw this. I also felt that that I should just let it be I mean James can be a great guy but he is very aggressive and I know how things would be if he caught wind of what was happening people would get hurt. Honestly I have never been in a situation like this I was kinda thrown into it because my sister is a very real person she is honest and shows who she really is inside I am the only other person she really trusts in this world so she came and told me about it but no it wasn't sex her and my friend are really in love and they made out several times and are planning to move in together and they want me to come with which is fine with me because my sister and my friend and I have the same kind of mind set we get along extremely well.

But when she does break up with James it's not gonna be pretty
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It's still cheating, no matter how she or even you try to rationalize. You say people are going to get hurt. They are going to get hurt a lot more the longer this plays out, especially if he finds out you knew and kept it from him.
 
Sirk

Sirk

Banned
#19
Mar 2, 2016
8,896
112
0
#19
jsr1221 said:
It's still cheating, no matter how she or even you try to rationalize. You say people are going to get hurt. They are going to get hurt a lot more the longer this plays out, especially if he finds out you knew and kept it from him.
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I don't think it is as simple as him just spilling the beans. Is he part of the problem? No......Is he part of the solution? I'm not so sure. Only he can determine that....and if he jumps to soon without waiting on God he may get bit with some hard broken relationship stuff.
 
jsr1221

jsr1221

Senior Member
#20
Jul 7, 2013
4,265
77
48
#20
Sirk said:
I don't think it is as simple as him just spilling the beans. Is he part of the problem? No......Is he part of the solution? I'm not so sure. Only he can determine that....and if he jumps to soon without waiting on God he may get bit with some hard broken relationship stuff.
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That's why I compared to what Scripture says about confronting someone in the church that sins. First you go privately. If the person doesn't listen, then you bring someone. If still doesn't listen, then you go to the church. I believe it relates to his situation in that he has the choice to confront his sister, telling her she needs to tell his friend. If she doesn't, and she still continues seeing this other guy behind his back, then Blain has the obligation on going to his friend that is being cheated on. By not doing so, he's as guilty as his sister and other friend because he is essentially encouraging them to carry on with the cheating.
 
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