P
i have always had issues with having a stable relationship with God. years of serious abuse and rejection plus a history of Borderline Personality Disorder, OCD, Complex PTSD have left me finding it hard to trust that He is there for me when i mess up. i have times when i really am motivated to love Him and then it drops off and i fail and am full of rebellion and anger towards Him....sometimes i think i'm not God's Child at all and that my salvation is lost- i have gown some fruit and made some progress but not for some time really... i stil believe but i feel i no longer have much of a faith anymore.......i did have a short time in 2006 and early 2007 when i was on fire for Jesus and felt loved by Him....i felt so much muck clear from my heart then...i still had issues to work through though and i think they tripped me up and stole my fruit....Love is a tricky thing for me...i often dont feel it or can receive it and when i do it is in a very intense but short-lived way.....i want to know i really belong to God...how can i know that? as far as Salavtion goes i have fulfilled all the requirements, confession, baptism etc but i have never been SURE i belong to Him.... I do my best with Bible reading and praying etc but due to the things i am struggling with it is very hard, so please dont tell me just to try harder....My therapist who is a Christian says i need to just concentrate on basics at the moment like Gods love and forgiveness and continue doing my best to live a life pleasing to Him.
Two years ago someone had a word from me thati would be HEALED from all this stuff. i do believe that, though i have my days when it seems hard to grasp the reality of it. But my hope is that God will use this healing for His purpose and that when Judgement comes Jesus will not say "i never knew you"
Two years ago someone had a word from me thati would be HEALED from all this stuff. i do believe that, though i have my days when it seems hard to grasp the reality of it. But my hope is that God will use this healing for His purpose and that when Judgement comes Jesus will not say "i never knew you"