Needing advice and encouragement

I am disappointed (again), with myself and others. I've been a christian for 11 years and still struggle with some of the same things. God is working in my life and I know he's not finished with me yet, but I really don't like some of the struggles I still have.

Before, I became a Christian I was disappointed with people who I thought were my friends. Hence, I stopped trusting people. After finding Jesus my outlook changed and I started trusting people again, however I'm finding out that people are the same whether they are christian or not. I say that because christians are phonies just like non-christians.

I'm finding out that my christian circle of friends are not really friends. They pretend to be friends by smiling and trying to sound interested in you, but they are only interested in themselves. If you have something they want, then they will hang out with you but if you have nothing to offer them, then they don't want anything to do with you.

I was blown away when I saw clicks among our church. They say they are not a click, they just have alot in common. Really?? Jesus accepted everyone. He taught His followers to love one another as he loves us. Jesus called his followers friends. Shouldn't Christians be following his example? Yes, I know we all need work and it's a process we all go through. We will never be perfect, but it is sad that Christians act like non-Christians.

As you can tell I'm acting like a non-christian myself by venting to you. My husband is more laid back it doesn't bother him that we don't have friends, but it bothers me. I feel guilty when I vent to my husband and now to you. We've tried different churches, but our Pastor is a great teacher. Besides, we can't keep running away. Is it wrong, or selfish of me to want to have friends? Any thoughts?

Thanks for listening!

It's not selfish at all to want friends. One of the greatest things about a relationship with God through Christ is: People will always disappoint us in some way, but God will never disappoint us. He fills the gaps humans leave in us. Perhaps there are cliques in your church and perhaps they are right and they are clinging to each other tightly because of their common interests. Either way it's hurtful when one isn't included in things, and being part of The Church shouldn't be inclusive, it should be open to all.
My advice to meeting and making new friends is first pray and get yourself closer to God. A relationship with anyone else should be like a triangle with God at top; the closer each person gets to God the closer they will come to each other. God will lead you to where you need to be. Even a godly friend may hurt you at some point, but Love is forgiving and doesn't hold grudges. Try to be as much like Love as possible when dealing with a friend. Perhaps if you show them Love working in your life, they will learn how to reciprocate and be Love to you as well. It's a risk, but once you meet that friend, the risk was worth it. Just my two cents though. I will keep your heart in prayer.

I am not qualified to offer any advice except to say that I do not think that it is selfish to want to have friends.

Nothing un-Christian coming from you whatsoever. Your observations are true and valid and you have every right to express them and even feel frustrated. Because the truth of the matter is everything you said is true.
Let me provide you with two variations on how to view this truth though.

What is a Christian? A sinner that God forgives. Does God try to work on that sinner to change them in good ways? Absolutely. Does it always work? No. A Christian is just another sinner, at the end of the day. Yes, they do have higher expectations on their life. Their accountability for their actions increases in both the site of man and God. But we have to remember, in the end, they are trapped in the same type of sinful body, sinful mind, that dominates all people, saved or unsaved.

Next point, what does the bible say about entering heaven? Broad is the path that leads to destruction? Wide, plenty of room, hard to miss. It also says that many who claim Christ on earth will be denied by Christ at their death. Anyone can claim to show up to a building and put a label on themselves. That is not salvation. That does not make a Christian in nature, but only in title. And since most modern churches emphasize bringing in the unsaved (which should not be the case) and on being non-offensive and watering down the true message of Christ, which is to be a servant, not to have your 'best life now', we have churches full of unsaved people and ignorant Christians. Churches too often no longer promote spiritual growth, but personal growth.

So, as i see it, there are two of the fundamental problems. A Christian is just a sinner that is a work in progress, and we're all at different levels of growth and maturity in our spiritual walks.
And the church has become a haven for non-Christians and ignorant religious types that only God knows where their soul is really going after death. This is the true source of your problems.

In order to find 'The Church' as described by Christ, we sometimes have to step outside the walls of the building. The true Church of Christ is the genuine fellowship of believes in any venue. Whether it be a street corner, a coffee house, an email, a chat site or praying for your meal before you eat.
Humanity is hopeless, but God didn't give up on us. He still strives and calls and beckons us to Him, even as we hurtle faster and faster toward our own damnation, laughing and mocking the whole way.
But that's not to say that in the midst of that there aren't true people. Caring people. They might be selfish sometimes. They might be angry sometimes. But they're also going to be there when you need them. For you, not for their own purposes. I've been experiencing that with some people on this site lately, quite a bit. People who have nothing to gain by asking about the things i'm going through, yet there they are. Sometimes many times a day.
And i'm able to do the same for others. I can ask how my hurting friend is feeling today. Listen and do my best, good or bad, to help. Not because i'm getting anything out of it. But because we genuinely care.
People like that do exist. But they are not easy to find. I have been through much of what you're describing, and sometimes i still suffer the same thoughts you're feeling. I get defensive, angry, push people away. But i'm slowly learning that if you give others a break, they might give you one in return. That when you are kind, they might be kind back. Sometimes the first step is not waiting for others to 'be the Christian' to prove they deserve it, but You be the Christian, you set the example and stand your ground. Most won't care. Some may mock. But if you're steadfast that one face will see it peek through the crowd at you curiously. And that's the start of meeting a quality person. You shine the light and those who are Truly tired of the darkness will come to you and join you in that light and you will grow together. But long as you keep it hidden and see how much of a pain other people are, rather than seeing how much pain other people are in, are you really any different at the end of the day than they are?
Does your awareness of their behavior justify your feelings to criticize? Or does it put more pressure on you to lead by example since you know and see what they cannot? With good intent, next time you're at and want to start judging these behaviors, look at yourself and ask 'what can i do about it?'. That, that desire to open peoples eyes to truth, is one of the evidences of your salvation. Once you shut that desire down in anger or judgment you become just another face in the crowd of shadows and dampening the light of others who see what you see and do nothing about it either.

Expect less from people, demand more from yourself.

I hear you, grace-2014. I love you, but I know that sooner or later I will say something really stupid that hurts you. I just want you to know that Jesus will never do that;
"A bruised reed shall He not break, and the smoking flax shall He not quench"(Isaiah 42:3). You can always count on His love and friendship.

I, like you, have gone out on long limbs to find friends, just to have them snap. The last one was 15 years long. I felt like I was going to die, but I didn't. Instead, I became closer to Jesus. Jesus was the One who gave and gave and gave, and in return they crucified Him. We must sometimes follow in His footsteps (albeit to a lesser extent), but rest assured, there's a big change coming. It will be a wonderful day. I look forward to being there with you when we shall see the King!

"...I dare not trust the sweetest frame, but wholly lean on Jesus' name."
-Edward Mote, 1834, The Solid Rock

God bless you and Godspeed.

Thank you all for your encouraging words. I appreciate you all for taking time out to read my venting and to reply to it. It really helps me to be reminded of God's faithfulness and what Jesus endured for us. I am so glad I found this group!