Satisfying your fear

I am new on the site and I wanted to hear what others have to say about a situation I am facing.

I was married for 4 years. It is a very long story but I'll get to the more important parts.

We were a blended family. I have 3 daughters and he has 4 kids (2 boys and 2 girls) and both of us had full custody. Although I had asked God into my life I certainly wasn't living with Him at the helm. There were always problems between our children. It seemed like every time we turned around something was going wrong. Everything was clashing. We split up in Jan 2012 and our divorce became final in Feb 2013. We have had little contact since November 2012. Everything about me and my life changed in Jan 2012. Even though we tried counseling, he decided he didn't want to go anymore. I think it was because he already had his mind made up that he wanted out and was only looking for someone to agree with him. In one of the last conversations we had he said, "I chose you. What I should have done was ask God to show me who HE wanted me to be with. I should have said 'I don't care what she looks like or what she does just show me who YOU want me to be with'" He then went on to say, "And that could have been you, but I am not willing to be a part of that." He went on to say that he was more resolved that he made the right decision (to divorce) because of all the negativity that we face or faced when we were together. He does not talk to me anymore. He will not call or text me. He will answer me... sometimes... if I text or call him.... but he NEVER contacts me. He admitted that the best way for him to "get over" this was to have no contact at all. He admitted that he loves me but can't be married to me. In his words "You are my weakness.... but I simply cannot let that take over." Here is MY problem and what I think...

God hates divorce. Just because you have difficulties that does not mean you should run in fear... because things are too hard. If he feels comfortable with the decision he made (getting divorced) it's because he satisfied/calmed his fears... it's not because it's what God wanted him to do or because he did the right thing.... because God hates divorce.

Is that right or wrong?? Yes, I am looking for someone to "agree with me"..... but more importantly I am looking for spiritual guidance in my thinking. If my way of thinking is not following with God's words, someone tell me.

I am not sure what sort of response you are looking for....you say one that agrees with you ? so maybe that is why no one is replying. I just thought I would respond, as you have taken the trouble to post and your obviously hurting. You were both married before? And so this would be his second divorce.....and yours too? So, if what you say about God being displeased about divorce is true, God was displeased with both of you some time ago You can never control other people, he has made his choice and wether God 'approves' of what he has done, is between him and God. I think it would be wise to make sure you are in a saved, repentant relationship with Christ. Get your life focused on Jesus. Get yourself and your children under the full authority of God and then things will become clearer for you. If you are a child of God, He SO wants to Bless you, may He give you peace and the ability to give thanks to Him, no matter your circumstances, for all He provides, In His name, <><

The thing is, your right, God does hate divorce...but why waste time thinking about how your husband is wrong? It's obvious he's made up his mind and is done, and thinking about how his words are in direct contradiction to biblical truth cannot/will not/is not putting back together a marriage that has already been dissolved. God hates divorce, yes. It doesn't mean your going to hell, it doesn't mean your ex is going to hell. If you're both bible believing Christians, recognize your own wrongs, your own faults, and your own failures, repent of them, recognize that the shed bled of Jesus was the sacrifice and cleansing of those sins, and move on in God, He's not holding it against you for the rest of your life.

Maybe I did not fully explain myself.

When I was married to my first husband I was faaaaaaaar from God. I did not ask God into my life until AFTER I met my second husband. After we married my course, like many other people in this world, drifted away from God. I have returned to God and know that I have a very close relationship with Him. When I asked for His forgiveness all my prior sins were forgiven, to be remembered no more. My ex has always had a relationship with Jesus. Both of our first marriages ended because of multiple acts infidelity from the other party.

More importantly, I was looking for someone who could set my thinking straight, if I was way off base.

Even pertaining to me.... is this accurate? Should I, at some point later on, run into difficulties would this (below) be accurate reasoning, logic, or point to consider?

God hates divorce. Just because I have difficulties that does not mean I should run in fear... because things are too hard. If I feel comfortable with the decision I made (or make about getting divorced) it's because I have satisfied/calmed my fears... it's not because it's what God would want me to do and everything is calm because I did the right thing.... because God hates divorce.

I am not trying to put it back together. I am trying to have a better understanding of His words so I, myself, don't run in fear.

In that case, yes, I do think you have a good view of how things should work in a marriage. Unfortunately it's a lot easier said than done. I'm divorced as well, and when I was married we knew a married couple who had both been previously divorced and when they saw a marriage that just seemed to good to be real, they realized that they're first marriage's were the ones that were unreal, (hopefully that makes sense). Like, when I was married, I can count on one finger the good years we had in our marriage out of 6 years being married, and yeah, when I was married what we were dealing with and the challenges we had seemed normal, but looking back, I don't think they were. I could have held on for as long as I wanted to, to the marriage, it's not like I was being forced to sign the divorce papers, and sometimes I regret not holding on longer. The thing was, I was determined not to let go, and the pressure just became far too much for me.

I think there comes a point in a stressed, on the brink of divorce couple, where you just can't hold on anymore, you need both pieces to work and you can't force the other to do what you want. But I think I can safely say for you that you've learned from your own situations, and that if you did get married again you'd be wise enough to find someone you can submit everything in prayer with and you both can make the decision of no divorce no matter what, and live by it.

That response was much longer than anticipated and more venting than I meant, so I apologize, but in short, yes, you have the right idea.

If you are divorced... it is over.

You don't NEED to understand his words.
HE many not even understand his words.
It's over now; whatever he said, you have to let it go.

I'm very sorry you had to go through this,
but trying to understand him, at this point in time,
won't accomplish anything except to keep you upset and hurting.

You might consider getting some pastoral counseling, just for yourself, and learn to "let go", so you can begin to heal.
It will take some time.

I think you are correct that he is running away to deal with his fears. This is obviously wrong. Now you have to ask The Lord what you should do. Perhaps he will tell you to wait and pray. Or perhaps he will release you to move on with your life. From the info you've provided, it seems that this divorce was not on biblical grounds on his part. I don't know what hand you had in it. It's best to let God guide you through this one. He will. He guided me through mine.

Thank you for all your responses. You have helped.