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Hi Everyone,
What I am about to write is rather difficult for me but I am doing so because I need some advice and some comforting words to help me lean on. The one thing I will ask, is that none of you place judgement on what you are about to read. I ask this because I have others, including people that I am related to and others that were once my friends to do just that. So here goes....
When I was 15 years old, I met a guy. In a matter of days we were fast friends. Before I knew it, I was head-over-heels in love with him. I did tell him, so he does know. Well he always has. Though we have never been together. Over the years he has always told me that we would "Someday" be together, while never telling me that we wouldn't ever be together. He has had more lovers than I can count on my fingers and toes ten times over. But I love him still to this day. I know that God forgives him for the things he has done because he doesn't yet understand what he has done because of the way he lives.
I know it isn't right, but no one in his life has ever loved him enough to show him the right way to live or that God loves him regardless of what he does that why he sent his son to die for him. I would give anything to be able to show him that... I tell him each time we talk how much he means to me, and that he is loved by God more than he will ever know but he insists that God isn't real but I know he doesn't really believe that because at one point in his teenage years he was very into learning about God.
Two years ago, I found out that he had ended up getting hooked on Heroin and ending up committing a bunch of Crimes that landed him in prison for two years. Finally, he told me that he loves me. Now I understand that when people are in prison they will often say anything to get people on the outside to get that person to send them money, but I know he meant it. I've been in love with him for 17 years and it took him that long and ending up in prison to tell me how he feels to tell me those words. I was sending him money, but it wasn't much or often, only when I had it to spare (and on SSDI that's not much at all).
He told me that when he got out I would be the person he was with, but I'm not. He's out. We are not together. In fact, I don't even know where he and his son are. I have prayed and continue to pray about this and God keeps speaking to my heart that I am to be with Tommy for the rest of my life but my time hasn't come yet. What I want isn't going to happen instantly. You see, I forgive him for all the things that he has done, even the way he treats me, as I know that God does the same. I love him so much my heart doesn't know how to let him go... I believe this may be impossible. I don't know what to do or if this can even be done. I find myself in tears when I pray because I am terrified that I will spend the rest of alone because I fear that will never know real love.
I know I love Tommy and I do not doubt that he loves me but I think that his love for me scares him so he seeks other things so as not to feel what he feels for me. What do I do? I'm confused and lonely? Any suggestions? My heart says that we are meant to be so that makes us star crossed soul mates. Isn't 17 years long enough for God to move, how do I deal with this without breaking apart?
What I am about to write is rather difficult for me but I am doing so because I need some advice and some comforting words to help me lean on. The one thing I will ask, is that none of you place judgement on what you are about to read. I ask this because I have others, including people that I am related to and others that were once my friends to do just that. So here goes....
When I was 15 years old, I met a guy. In a matter of days we were fast friends. Before I knew it, I was head-over-heels in love with him. I did tell him, so he does know. Well he always has. Though we have never been together. Over the years he has always told me that we would "Someday" be together, while never telling me that we wouldn't ever be together. He has had more lovers than I can count on my fingers and toes ten times over. But I love him still to this day. I know that God forgives him for the things he has done because he doesn't yet understand what he has done because of the way he lives.
I know it isn't right, but no one in his life has ever loved him enough to show him the right way to live or that God loves him regardless of what he does that why he sent his son to die for him. I would give anything to be able to show him that... I tell him each time we talk how much he means to me, and that he is loved by God more than he will ever know but he insists that God isn't real but I know he doesn't really believe that because at one point in his teenage years he was very into learning about God.
Two years ago, I found out that he had ended up getting hooked on Heroin and ending up committing a bunch of Crimes that landed him in prison for two years. Finally, he told me that he loves me. Now I understand that when people are in prison they will often say anything to get people on the outside to get that person to send them money, but I know he meant it. I've been in love with him for 17 years and it took him that long and ending up in prison to tell me how he feels to tell me those words. I was sending him money, but it wasn't much or often, only when I had it to spare (and on SSDI that's not much at all).
He told me that when he got out I would be the person he was with, but I'm not. He's out. We are not together. In fact, I don't even know where he and his son are. I have prayed and continue to pray about this and God keeps speaking to my heart that I am to be with Tommy for the rest of my life but my time hasn't come yet. What I want isn't going to happen instantly. You see, I forgive him for all the things that he has done, even the way he treats me, as I know that God does the same. I love him so much my heart doesn't know how to let him go... I believe this may be impossible. I don't know what to do or if this can even be done. I find myself in tears when I pray because I am terrified that I will spend the rest of alone because I fear that will never know real love.
I know I love Tommy and I do not doubt that he loves me but I think that his love for me scares him so he seeks other things so as not to feel what he feels for me. What do I do? I'm confused and lonely? Any suggestions? My heart says that we are meant to be so that makes us star crossed soul mates. Isn't 17 years long enough for God to move, how do I deal with this without breaking apart?