Suicidal Thoughts & Attempts-- Loss of Loved Ones to Suicide

Your story is so inspirational. Thank you for sharing. At the ripe old age of 67 and my husband just passing away and losing half of everything. I too felt that our Lord had left me. The pain is so intense, the tears do not stop. I know that time will take care of the insane grief that I am feeling. The aloneness and empty feelings. I have prayed to God to help me find a purpose to keep going,a reason to be here. The depths of pain can make you think of things you have never considered before. I do not want to hurt myself I just want the pain to subside long enough to let me see light at the end of the tunnel. I know God is with me, I just need a little skin on Jesus. To have contact with people that will understand where you are coming from and not judge you. You are a very strong young woman and I am grateful for your story and your life. Blessings for your future.

Hey Blue I have thought about killing myself all my life but one thing that keeps me going is something that happened to me when I was 7. I woke up one night and my step mother was standing beside my bed with a butcher knife above her head like she was going to kill me. I know a lot of people wont believe this but I also saw an angel at the foot of my bed with her wings spread out like she was covering me and she told me I was safe and my stepmother was not going to harm me after that I felt at peace and went to sleep. I dont know what happened after that all I know is I woke up the next morning. Now fourty years later me and my wife have lost everything we used to own because of me having a stroke a few years ago and the economy going down and my son was killed two weeks ago when he was hit by a car and as far as we can tell it may have been suicide from fighting demons he had been fighting for years. Sometimes it seems like no matter what all my life I couldnt get answers from God I have prayed for so long for my son and for God to help us get a home of our own again but he never hears or atleast he dont answer but I keep going back to that angel and know that she was sent by God and know there is still hope. Sorry this was so long.

I'm new here. I'd like to send blue ladybug a private message but I'm not sure how. Do I have to add her as a friend first?

My thoughts on suicide, the first thing is do not do it because God sees such as self murder.

Mac.

A good friend of mine lost a son to suicide about 10 years ago. At the time she was not Christian. She sought God in her grief and delivered from drugs and from homosexuality. She also have to encourage me to come out of my alcoholism. It was hard to see her goes through this.. it always hurts to see friends go through these things. Even though some good things came out of it, it was still a tragic loss

Just read your story here and it has touched me, can honestly say I understand. I have a very long track of hmmm, not sure what you would call it. So many things that have happened I'm also 44 yrs old and this year has been the first year I have honestly sought counseling to work everything out. This isn't something I usually do out in the open online where so many can read. I've been a Christian for many many years now and even after having Jesus as Lord of my life its been a really long and hard battle. When you find yourself down and wishing you could find some encouragement somewhere it's good when you see and read a testimony as yours, it affirms there is encouragement, God has a way of using others to show us none of us is alone in our battles.

Lord Bless you Ladybug

ive had a hard life myself, from ages 4-6 , I was molested by my unlce. then we moved in with my great grandmother and her sister.all was safe, at least it appeared. staring a month after moving in, school started. my younger brother and I would come home and play cards with sister-my great aunt....she would let us win and give us beer til my brother passed out , and put him in his room. then it was my turn but I didn't have to go to bed. she molested me from age 6-8. yes, abused by both sexes and nowhere to turn
at 17, I was institutionalized for "suicidal ideation" but they never asked the right questions , and I was too embarrassed to volunteer that sort of info. I was there for 30 days shot up with lithium because I was a threat to myself and others. I was there til insurance ran out. I graduated highschool early as I only needed 3 credits to graduate. I then went to work , 3 jobs at once, I worked around the clock-however I was killing myself with drugs and alcohol to kill the anguish I was feeling.
In the 90s I moved from hometown with a friend 2 hours north. there I found a construction job, I needed the exp and knowledge, and also a cooking job with ease. however , I lived 40 miles from my restaurant job. I would go out after work with the other and drink myself in a stupor. I had 2 drunk driving accidents, no one else involved, and should have died both times by the amount of damage , but I escaped with no injuries. Ive also been hit by a car 3 times while on bicycle.

in 2007 , at age 37 I finally had a meltdown. this guy was picking on me every night at work where I got a promotion to new area. he would berate me , talk derogatory about me, and totally condescending. I caught him coming from the restroom, pinned him between the wall and my forklift. I asked him if he wanted to ever see his family and kids again?. he started studdering and tearing up. my boss came running up and took me the office. I brokedown and told him my uncle had molested me, he quickly escorted me to HR office. they gave me a card of a therapist to go see. and that's when healing started. I let out all the demons that had been haunting me. she referred me to a shrink who diagnosed me with PTSD, bipolar, and aniety disorder. now I take 14 pills /day. I hate the meds but am thankful for the DRs trying to fix me with cocktails. I have found the Lord , I just had to stop running away and turn around, He was there. Now im nightmare free, panic attack free, anxiety free, anger free, and a child of God. The many storms I went though brought me to my knees. I was at rock bottom , literaly, and then saw light in my tunnel of darkness. I still have my moments when the evil pops in my head, but I bind them behind me with the power of the Lord. He is the Great Comforter and Healer. May my story help anyone that reads it find the Lord and His name be glorified!

Hello, Ladybug. I'm so glad I ran across your post today; I am going thru something very similar ... a lot of things - SERIOUS things - have happened lately to me ... loss of job ... maybe soon loss of home ... etc. I have been depressed and anxious and hopeless about my life and have been considering suicide. I've live a long and fruitful life, and, looking back, danced my way rather joyously through it. But I was the primary caretaker for my Mom who eventually died of Alzheimer's ... what that takes away from you I cannot explain. I'm really tired of living now. But your post brought me so much hope I cannot thank you enough. Bless you!