Support, encouragement

Approx Three years ago now since I had ovarian cancer and I have been alone the whole time (except for my horse).

I became a workaholic working day and night but have not assessed any of that money (its a lot of money)and its been 3 yrs.

I am exhausted and not once have i been given love, care, support.

No one ever touches me.
During these three years I drank alcohol on three occasions I think now Im soborist.


I tried start exercising but the trainers were not professional and were stealing from me.
Also had slander, lies, hate attacks, abuse and threates upon me as well as death threates and other things when what i wanted and needed was love and support and care.

I care for others and have given volunteer work as well as work make money but I like get care as well and some sweet love and humour and laughter..

I tried cooking but depressed and exhausted every thing i cooked tasted awful.
Now I order ready made meals to heat in micro and blessed be who made them as they taste so nice.

I need help.

So many years and I was treated so badly for so long I start complaining "what a ugly behaved people" "what a awful people" and i shake head in disbelief and i even swear some times.


I am no longer christian or muslim but we can say im "spiritual" .
Christians and muslims bad to me and steal from me .


I found my self kissing a rock today.
Its true.

First I was swearing in car (alone) and holding back tears.
It felt better touch nature and feel wind till a bad people came around and were bad in a subtle way people i am restrainingorder on.


I would love start jogging and music but such a simple thing as get a ipod and download music can feel overwealming, difficult and complicated.

Be nice share bed and have social life.

Today again I was very angry as some one been stealing from me again.


What action when taking action is difficult for exhaustion.

Start ordering frozen ready meals was a good decision so one gets cooked meal every day.
Need heal, have colours and who all is together united and heal.


I am not overweight but I would like muscle and health and healing and love.

I tried praying.
I still say a little "something" b4 i eat.

I took lpod to two different shops asked them to download music as i had on spottily not used but they both turned me down and after that it became so heavy and depressed ... such a simple thing became so difficult.


All my bags are packed ready to move and eon deficiency is not nice in room so hot and difficult breath.

Get releif from that when outdoors like this afternoon.

Writing a list is good. "to do".

Will ask for help.
Taken long enough but will ask God for help and try find people professional support simple thing like get iPod with music and start exercise, heal etc and even get social life and love and assess my money and realestate and so forth.


There is so many actions recommended for when this way such as find some one ask for help or google some organisation.
I googled home delivered cooked micro meals which has been very help ful.


Like a malicious negative program been activated for so long need re program with positive , encouraging, supportive, love and niceness.

When simple things are so heavy.
Blessed be kissing rocks and blessed be theres hope. Kiss more than rocks soon. lol
and better days will come as will change to and for better for me and for others.


Blessed be and best wishes for our good health , motivation, positive programing not illegal malicious etc....


I could ask you "what does one do" but I kind of know answer to that question its just when that is so heavy to do some how.

You can feel free to write down some wonderful pepp talk for exercise, eat well, love and goodness ...

Bring out the whip.
Though when one has fatigue exhaustion it becomes so much heavier one has to understand as well as encourage and discipline and reprogram to exercise.


The exercise i do is horseriding (only trail)a few or couple times week but as she injured will rest hoof while.


Would love to dance and specially with partner has been a dream but some thing seems stop me.


I have heard of hypnotherapists and meditation where one reprograms all negative malicious programs and wonderful change happens.

Well, love and best wishes for us and our bodies and beings in who and all we are.
(except if you are my enemy who steals from me ... lol then you can have best wishes far far far away from me.

I think all your problems can be solved in my one post (I know it sound ludicrous or a quick fix, but it is neither...)

I know you said that you are no longer religious because of the people behind some religions... But I think there is a reason you came too a Christian website. This could be your last ditch effort to get help because google has failed 1000 times but I think God has brought you here for a reason...

If I judged every white person off of what Hitler was like, or what the KKK is like, I think my view would be very wrong... If I judged my view on every black because of what I see on movies, my view would be very wrong... So you can't do the same with Christianity, I know that it seems there are more false Christians then real ones, but it does not mean Christianity is bad...

I wish the answer was as simple as "think happy thoughts" because you could leave right now and never live a bad day in your life again... But even though the answer seems more simple than that, its more difficult then curing the world of cancer...

You answer lies in Jesus, find out who He is and what He did... I know that sounds cliche' and you will hear that line from any religious nut job... But just take that time you use to kiss rocks and read the bible... I think you will find God's love more than satisfying... Men and relationships with men will never bring you happiness like Jesus. When you read that bible, your life will change, I promise...

It may be harder at times, but you no longer have happiness from this earth, it comes from God... And God is for ever and ever, always faithful, always true, always with you, always loving

P.s. I know you have tried a lot of things to give you happiness, like cooking, working out... Listening to music and so on... But all those things fall short because there is a God sized hole in your heart, and the things your trying to fill it up with disappear before you can even try to see if it fits in your heart...

Take some of that money you have and give yourself the best gift you can. Go to your nearest book store and by a Bible... I recommend a New Believers Bible NLT, you can find it at any book store... There is a reason you still pray before you eat

Right now say heck to religion and people and rocks and men and cooking... Just find God and the rest will come, I promise

Psalms 23, Psalms 100 and try reading the book of Job or maybe find some spiritual music and listen to it but God's word will help you

"I John, who also am your brother, and companion in tribulation, and in the kingdom and patience of Jesus Christ, was in the isle that is called Patmos, for the word of God, and for the testimony of Jesus Christ."

Hang in there sister. Salvation will come.