Divorce vs staying

I have been married 19 years and found out in June my husband has been having homosexual affairs for the past 10 years. The thing is I dont hate him and torn on my decision. I have been to counseling, etc, exhausted on my part. He went 2 times and stopped. We were in ministry for our entire marriage and this has devastated me. My biggest issue is trust and am so confused of my decisions. Some days I think im make the right one..other days I dont. We have 4 kids and this is what makes it so hard. Im still with him at home and things are "ok" as far as fighting better, etc. Has anyone else out there had this issue with homosexual affair? thanks

I concur. Trust is impossible when that trust is betrayed in such a way. Without trust there is no basis for a relationship.

Things are definitely not OK. My advice is to start planning for your future without this pathetic person as your husband. Your story is very sad and you must be devastated. It will be hard for you to heal with the source of your pain living with you. What makes it so hard is your husband does not love you.

Dear Father In Heaven

Please protect our sister from any bad harmful health issue that might be brought in by her husband. This is too complicated for me Father so I give our sister to you with this problem and ask that you give her clarity of mind and wise decision making abilities so she will be able to plan her future that would be according to Your will. Father wrap Your arms of love and understanding around her and bring her peace that she can rest in Your arms of safety and that she will draw strength from You in figuring out her future.

I pray also for the husband as he has fallen into sin please prick his conscience and whisper in his ear that what he is doing is destructive and wrong. Help him to want to come to you and ask for forgiveness and turn away from this sin. If at all possible please help repair this marriage and if not then help our sister see the clear path to her future. In Jesus Name Amen

I second the motion, get STD tests, especially HIV.

If he wants to stay married, he shouldn't expect you to trust him. Set up some rules so that you don't need to trust him. You should have free access to his phone and email accounts. (Give him a day to clean them up, because I'm sure there's things there you don't want to see.) He needs to break off all contact with all homosexual men, no excuses. He needs to be accountable for where he is at all times. Have him tested for STDs, and be there when the results arrive.

Spouses should always have free access to each other's electronics. Spouses should always be accountable to each other about where they are. This isn't even beginning to ask too much.

Now, check his phone frequently. Try to determine if he's hiding a phone. Insist that he stop using cash (e.g. no cash withdrawals from the bank), so that you can follow his spending (e.g. is he paying for a hidden phone, is he visiting homosexual bars). I'm sure you can think of a few other rules. Just be nice about it.

If he balks, he has no intention of stopping.

Hello and welcome to CC I hope you enjoy it here.

Hi & welcome to christian chat,

I am sorry to hear that, I have a fear of getting married and getting cheated i guess because I have been cheated on sooo many times, so I understand the trust part.
I agree with "Bluelady_bug" & with "JesusLives" I also pray that he hears her prayer regarding you.
Personally I'm against divorce with the exception of being cheated on, as it says in the bible. I do hope and pray God helps you make the right choice. If you give him a another chance there's that little piece of you that won't ever trust him so things will definitely not be the same. If you divorce It will be hard from what I have heard but know that God is with you and I pray that you don't lose your relationship with God, I have seen people who were close to God going to church and praying a lot end up losing their relationship with God after a divorce. I recommend asking God for guidance and strength, to help you make the right decision and to give you the strength you need through it. Have you talked to your kids? If you are getting a divorce you should talk to them and let them know whats going on, at least so they are not confused.
May God bless you and help you through your situation

Shoot man, I would be mad. Why did he do it?

Do you fear his actions may harm the children?
I'm putting you on my prayer list.

I was in agreement until I concluded that the absence of the definite article in your first clause is intentional.

Ty. Yes I have been tested for everything at initially in June and October . I am good and he is too . Thank god . I am so confused in m decisions.

Mommy 4 first let me say hi and welcome, although I am new here as well so feels weird wecolming someone when I am a newbie.
I really feelfor you and what your going through. I have seperated from my husband at the start of the year. I came home from a couple of days away when he gave me the 'I don't think this is working anymore' speech. He is not a Christian. He then decided after a few days of me crying and honest conversation to stay together for our 3 kids. The hardest thing I have ever done was make the decision to leave ( it was his family farm) I realised that we couldn't make it work when emotionly his heart was with the girl next door (they are now dating) I woke up one morning with God telling me to leave and it will be ok. It had not been an easy road starting my life over trying to deal with the kids pain and my own, my confidence was knocked being 'replaced' so quickly after being married for 12 years and being together for 18. However I am amazed how God has been there all the way and held my hand. .
I think what I am trying say trust God and yourself. Remember you are not alone.

It's so much easier to give people what they deserve. It doesn't make sense, but the Godliest thing you can do is show mercy. However, if he is not sorry, really sorry, or he plans on continuing this behavior, you cannot change him. No one would blame you if you had left before. You have shown great strength for sticking it out further. I would have that conversation. Is he willing to change? Good luck. And many blessings.