Party drinking

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Jakob

Jakob

Senior Member
#1
Jul 15, 2014
298
4
18
#1
It's hard getting this of my chest, but I do in the hopes people will be open minded and not judgemental..
I've been drinking, a lot the last 5-6 years, some months I can't control myself, and some months I can. (But not really, if I could, I wouldn't have the craving for alcohol).

Right now my brother is at a mental hospital, he's been there 4 years. In an out.
My mom have terminal cancer, and really not long to live. She hallucinates and can't even walk..
I pray for her everyday, but my faith isn't strong.. so I keep saying "God, if you're real, let me hear you"..
Im still taking walks with my mom, in her wheelchair.
And sometimes I sing her old bob Dylan, and Beatles songs and play them at guitar. We talk about God, but her relationship isn't strong either with God.

Anyway, to this;
I went to a bar this night, and I feel like a freak. There was people who wanted to speak with me, and they seemed interested, he asked "so what do you do" and I say "nothing" that's all, and it got quiet and akwkard, which is hard to experience when you're drunk..
I don't think I'm judgemental towards them, but as I look to my right, this woman is kissing two guys at the same time.
And at the bar all I see confusion, an illusion of laughter and shades of brokenness, hidden away in their eyes "the holy water" / alcohol..

Maybe I am jealous, a bit, cause they get attention, being silly.
I'm craving attention too, I don't know why, but like not about kissing and meaningless stuff. But a deep conversation about life.
Seems like I'm the only one with thoughts at the bar..

I know people see me as a freak, a weirdo, a killjoy, someone who in their eyes, I judge..

I walked straight home, where I'm at now, again feeling empty in a bar filled with like 100 people..
Maybe my mindset is still, that I can get love and be complete with human beings..
I wrote something, - non rhyming poem..

"What I wouldn't do for love..
What I wouldn't do to be loved.
In the path of craving love,
I can be self destructive ONLY,
To feel love.
Yet is it an illusion?
Cause I could learn every language in the world, and speak every word that's ever existed, and I wouldn't feel it.

Cause I could stumble my way towards the place they love, and pretend to love, only to be let down, only to LOVE the idea of love..
God, if I hear your voice, I'll know.
I won't have a psychosis, I'll not doubt anymore. How selfish am I.
 
Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#2
Aug 13, 2014
24,914
8,167
113
#2
"I sobered up
And I been thinkin
Girl ya ain't much fun
Since I quit drinkin"


I tried drinking for about a year, mostly on weekends. I tried it because so many people I knew were doing it, there must be SOMETHING to it. I tried every level of it multiple times, from a mild buzz to falling down drunk.

The only thing I ever figured out was, people who like to drink are people who don't like their reality and want reality to go away for a while. Healthy, sane people don't enjoy injudicious doses of ethanol just for its own sake. If a normal person starts drinking a lot, it's probably because he has something in his life that he wants to get some relief from, if only for a while.

You don't have to tell me what it is, but I recommend looking around your life and figuring out what it is you want to get away from for a bit, and what you can do about it. If there's nothing you can do about it, maybe figure out if you can get away from it for real.

Only other thing I can say is, I found gin goes down a lot smoother than either whiskey or vodka. But I'm never going to use that information again because I like my reality and I don't want booze getting between me and it.
 
R

renewed_hope

Guest
#3
#3
When I was taking care of my mom and ailing grandparents I became depressed because I couldnt be a normal person going out with friends because I didn't have any, not at any fault of my own....I just didn't have time with being a caretaker. I quickly became addicted in the world of soap operas and when I started college after my grandpa passed I realized I didn't need to watch them and developed friendships with other people who understood where I was coming from and didn't judge me. Alcohol has been your escape just as soap operas were mine. Maybe take a few classes at a community college or get out of your comfort zone and get to know other people
 
J

joefizz

Guest
#4
#4
Welcome here you can discuss with bible smart people and possibly make new friends,hope you like it here!
Also as me and wine rose,and Addison and many others can vouch for you'd fit right into the singles forum or miscellaneous forum!(ruining dates,talking about random stuff)
 
88

88

Senior Member
#5
Nov 14, 2016
3,517
77
48
#5
Jakob said:
It's hard getting this of my chest, but I do in the hopes people will be open minded and not judgemental..
I've been drinking, a lot the last 5-6 years, some months I can't control myself, and some months I can. (But not really, if I could, I wouldn't have the craving for alcohol).

Right now my brother is at a mental hospital, he's been there 4 years. In an out.
My mom have terminal cancer, and really not long to live. She hallucinates and can't even walk..
I pray for her everyday, but my faith isn't strong.. so I keep saying "God, if you're real, let me hear you"..
Im still taking walks with my mom, in her wheelchair.
And sometimes I sing her old bob Dylan, and Beatles songs and play them at guitar. We talk about God, but her relationship isn't strong either with God.

Anyway, to this;
I went to a bar this night, and I feel like a freak. There was people who wanted to speak with me, and they seemed interested, he asked "so what do you do" and I say "nothing" that's all, and it got quiet and akwkard, which is hard to experience when you're drunk..
I don't think I'm judgemental towards them, but as I look to my right, this woman is kissing two guys at the same time.
And at the bar all I see confusion, an illusion of laughter and shades of brokenness, hidden away in their eyes "the holy water" / alcohol..

Maybe I am jealous, a bit, cause they get attention, being silly.
I'm craving attention too, I don't know why, but like not about kissing and meaningless stuff. But a deep conversation about life.
Seems like I'm the only one with thoughts at the bar..

I know people see me as a freak, a weirdo, a killjoy, someone who in their eyes, I judge..

I walked straight home, where I'm at now, again feeling empty in a bar filled with like 100 people..
Maybe my mindset is still, that I can get love and be complete with human beings..
I wrote something, - non rhyming poem..

"What I wouldn't do for love..
What I wouldn't do to be loved.
In the path of craving love,
I can be self destructive ONLY,
To feel love.
Yet is it an illusion?
Cause I could learn every language in the world, and speak every word that's ever existed, and I wouldn't feel it.

Cause I could stumble my way towards the place they love, and pretend to love, only to be let down, only to LOVE the idea of love..
God, if I hear your voice, I'll know.
I won't have a psychosis, I'll not doubt anymore. How selfish am I.
Click to expand...
***greetings from Texas***maybe your looking for love in all the wrong places***try hooking up with a good on fire church***you can overcome your problems---I came out of drugs and alcohol 40 years ago---was into Led Zepplin, Pink Floyd, and alot of acid---God can set you free...
 
FranC

FranC

Banned
#6
Apr 30, 2016
5,162
75
0
#6
Hi Jakob,
I thought of this song when I read your post...

You're going through a lot. Even if we believe in God, we still feel
the pain of what we're sent while here on this earth.

He still helps us. It may not even seem like it at times - at least for me -
but even when I don't feel His help, I still know that He's there because
without Him it would be far worse.

So, you're Young. You'll get over this. TRY not to depend on alcohol too
much. Look to the future. Things Always change --- nothing remains
the same.

*************************************************************


Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Of"

I'm not afraid
Of anything in this world
There's nothing you can throw at me
That I haven't already heard

I'm just trying to find
A decent melody
A song that I can sing
In my own company

I never thought you were a fool
But darling look at you
You gotta stand up straight
Carry your own weight
These tears are going nowhere baby

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And now you can't get out of it

Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

I will not forsake
The colors that you bring
The nights you filled with fireworks
They left you with nothing

I am still enchanted
By the light you brought to me
I listen through your ears
Through your eyes I can see

And you are such a fool
To worry like you do
I know it's tough
And you can never get enough
Of what you don't really need now
My, oh my

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

Oh love, look at you now
You've got yourself stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm 'til you discover how deep

I wasn't jumping, for me it was a fall
It's a long way down to nothing at all

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if our way should falter
Along the stony pass

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass

It's just a moment
This time will pass

***********************************************


I'm sure we'll all be praying for you.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#7
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#7
The OP has been here for 3 years now..He ain't a newbie..


joefizz said:
Welcome here you can discuss with bible smart people and possibly make new friends,hope you like it here!
Also as me and wine rose,and Addison and many others can vouch for you'd fit right into the singles forum or miscellaneous forum!(ruining dates,talking about random stuff)
Click to expand...
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#8
Jul 3, 2015
55,885
26,047
113
#8
I suggest AA. You will not feel alone there, you will get support
there, you will feel loved there, you will connect with God there.
 
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