Hi Maune, welcome to CC!
Have you considered looking for a church in your area for one on one fellowship.
Growing and learning God's word and will for your life is a life-long journey. It's a marathon and not a sprint. I wanted it to be a sprint when I was first saved and learned pretty quickly that it takes time, prayer, study, growth etc.
But mostly I realized it's a relationship with God our Savior and Lord.
I wanted to ask and not assume, are you a born-again believer in the Lord Jesus Christ? I tried reading the bible when I was an unbeliever and I couldn't understand a thing. But even then I believe God was drawing me towards Him so I could join His family.
Also, I would like to invite you to join God's family if you're not a believer yet. Do you know that Jesus, God's only begotten Son died on a cross so that we can have forgiveness for our sins, a relationship with Him and eternal life.
He was buried and rose again to newness of life and we will too. We will have eternal life in Him with no more sorrow, pain or suffering. Our sins separated us from God our Father and through Jesus sacrifice to atone for our sins, we become united to a right relationship with God.
But what does it say? “The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart”—that is, the word of faith which we are preaching, that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation. For the Scripture says, “Whoever believes in Him will not be disappointed.” Romans 10:8-11
John 3:1-17
Now there was a man of the Pharisees, named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews; this man came to Jesus by night and said to Him, “Rabbi, we know that You have come from God as a teacher; for no one can do these signs that You do unless God is with him.” Jesus answered and said to him, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.”
Nicodemus *said to Him, “How can a man be born when he is old? He cannot enter a second time into his mother’s womb and be born, can he?” Jesus answered, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not be amazed that I said to you, ‘You must be born again.’ The wind blows where it wishes and you hear the sound of it, but do not know where it comes from and where it is going; so is everyone who is born of the Spirit.”
Nicodemus said to Him, “How can these things be?” Jesus answered and said to him, “Are you the teacher of Israel and do not understand these things? Truly, truly, I say to you, we speak of what we know and testify of what we have seen, and you do not accept our testimony. If I told you earthly things and you do not believe, how will you believe if I tell you heavenly things? No one has ascended into heaven, but He who descended from heaven: the Son of Man. As Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted up; so that whoever believes will in Him have eternal life.
“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him.
I find your post very honest and interesting and when you post i feel your honesty in what you write...I believe you have the great makings to be a preacher of God, who knows if that is your calling, only God knows, but i do know the word says to build each up, so my post to you is letting you know that you are touching people...I have been born again for 16 months, still finding my way with the Lord, no better hand to hold but only His, Ii like your style, not sure what it is but it`s good...God Bless you...xox...